# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/241 "2009-06-24T08:38:43Z")
Well, call me zombie and shovel-slap me silly! ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/242 "2009-06-24T13:28:12Z")
This one ended a business meeting I attended. An earnest young man in a grey suit had made his presentation, which incidentally claimed credit for a number of things which had been initiated by other people. The bossman leaned back in his chair, put his hands behind his head, stared at the ceiling and said: "Son, that puts me in mind of a flea floating down the chattahoochee on a oak leaf masturbatin’ an’ yellin’, RAISE THE DRAWBRIDGE!!! If you ever come in here again claiming credit for other people’s work I will personally escort you to the door. Are we clear?" We all left quietly. ---
**Author:** ![ChadVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@ChadVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChadVader)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/243 "2009-06-24T20:33:29Z")
He couldn’t get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a sack of bananas. ---
**Author:** ![Sudo\_Intellectual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sudo\_Intellectual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudo_Intellectual)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/244 "2009-06-25T17:05:41Z")
It’s hot as a crotch I’m full as a tick Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick He licks the window on the short bus Whatever creams your twinkie Christ on a crutch ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/245 "2009-06-25T17:57:14Z")
Family and Regional (Southern) favorites: **"You’re moving like dead flies are falling off of you"** (Implication: you’re moving too damn slow. I guess if you moved faster either the dead flies would stay put or live flies would fall off of you instead?) **"…then you cut the English Muffin half in two and toast it"** (Good thing you specified, I was gonna cut it half in THREE) **"Go hug your Aunt Lucille’s neck"** (and the rest of her too, I reckon… don’t strangle her or anything either, ok?) ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/246 "2009-06-26T03:15:50Z")
This is not really a colloquialism, but a phrase invented by my Spanish-speaking preschool client that I am determined to enter into the Spanish idiom. “Echar el taco” (roughly meaning: to expel the taco) = vomit. Originated when said preschooler’s little sister had eaten too much Taco Bell and the inevitable occurred. Proposed usage: “Juan wasn’t feeling well on the ride home. _Echó el taco_ all over the back seat.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/247 "2009-06-26T05:18:49Z")
He’s as useless as a screen door on a submarine. She musta ate Dumb Flakes for breakfast. Use your head for something besides hangin’ your hat. She’s a few cookies short of a Deluxe Assortment. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/248 "2009-06-26T17:01:20Z")
My dad used to say, “They looked at me like I was the bastard at the family reunion.” > [@NinetyWt](#): > > “We’re cookin’ with _gas_, now.” My personal favorite 😃 > [@AskNott](#): > > I think that “Heavens to Murgatroyd” thing was the catch line of a long-ago Hanna-Barbera cartoon character. I can’t remember which one. [Snagglepuss](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snagglepuss). ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/249 "2009-06-26T17:13:27Z")
“She’s so ulgy, it looks like her face caught on fire and someone tried to beat it out with a wet chain.” “I’m busier than a one-armed pimp in a bitch slappin’ contest.” ---
**Author:** ![Rrrowlf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Rrrowlf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rrrowlf)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2009, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/250 "2009-08-09T00:56:42Z")
Everyone knows that everybody pisses in the pool, but just try it from the divingboard and see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2009, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/251 "2009-08-09T01:38:58Z")
> [@Pyper](#): > > This is not really a colloquialism, but a phrase invented by my Spanish-speaking preschool client that I am determined to enter into the Spanish idiom. > > “Echar el taco” (roughly meaning: to expel the taco) = vomit. > > Originated when said preschooler’s little sister had eaten too much Taco Bell and the inevitable occurred. > > Proposed usage: “Juan wasn’t feeling well on the ride home. _Echó el taco_ all over the back seat.” In English this could be ‘tossed the taco’! ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2009, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/252 "2009-08-09T04:55:26Z")
Inconspicuous as a dog turd in a bowl of milk… So hungry you could eat a horse and chase the rider… instead of “do bears shit in the woods?” Does Angelina Jolie have lips? Steak too rare?- I’ve seen cows hurt this bad get well… Not rare enough?- Cut his horns off, wipe his ass, and bring him out… That went over like a fart in a spacesuit… When a woman doesn’t want to do something “I’d rather have a double mastectomy”… When pigs fly and carry passengers… ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/253 "2009-08-10T05:47:34Z")
> [@pohjonen](#): > > Inconspicuous as a dog turd in a bowl of milk.. > > So hungry you could eat a horse and chase the rider… > > Steak too rare?- I’ve seen cows hurt this bad get well. I love these. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Easy\_Easter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@Easy\_Easter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Easy_Easter)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/254 "2009-08-10T05:59:57Z")
“Cry-baby, titty-mouse!” (as in _you are one/I] “Hungry as a peach orchard boar” (also works for “Wild as…”) "F_ck me a’runnin’!" “As good as you are and as bad as I am… I’m as good as you are as bad as I am!” “Santie Claus” “Colder than a well-diggers ass!” “As unaccustomed as I am to social drinking, perhaps I will have just _one._” “Shit-fuzzy!” “You’re a good hand” ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/255 "2009-08-10T06:46:31Z")
> [@pohjonen](#): > > When a woman doesn’t want to do something “I’d rather have a double mastectomy”… I’d rather have a mobile desk next to me than a double mastectomy. I’d been waiting for the right opportunity to say that, but despite what you may have heard, opportunity often does not knock at all. ---
**Author:** ![kjckjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@kjckjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjckjc)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/256 "2009-08-10T12:20:40Z")
As cold and dead as a six-year-old thread. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby\_Slippers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/94ad74/32.png) [@Ruby\_Slippers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby_Slippers)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/257 "2009-08-10T18:13:39Z")
A couple of favorite insults from a politician I used to work for: \*You, sir, are the north end of a horse going south. You’re lower than a snake’s tail in a wagon rut.\* He used to sprinkle these liberally in the letters he sent to his constituents. I know because I used to type them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=12)