# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![cybersnark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9e5f3/32.png) [@cybersnark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cybersnark)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/41 "2002-12-16T14:26:23Z")
“That sucks like a bucket full of ticks!” Ewwwwwwwwwww! ---
**Author:** ![Go\_alien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Go\_alien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_alien)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/42 "2002-12-16T14:31:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Somnambulist \* > \*\*Astonishment: ‘F_ck my old boots’ …(where did that come from??) > \*\* I use that one, and the polite company version: “Well, seduce my ancient footwear” Dunno where it came from, I first heard in the RAF about 25 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![delini8r](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@delini8r](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delini8r)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/43 "2002-12-16T16:37:51Z")
You can’t polish a turd. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/44 "2002-12-16T16:50:08Z")
“Too poor to buy a louse a pair of leggings” “I’m so poor, I can’t afford to pay attention” “As nervous as a dog shittin’ peach pits” “Colder than a witches tit” “As dumb as a box of rocks” “He has the brains of an ice cube” “She’s so ugly, she could stop an 8 day clock” “She’d f\*\*\* a snake if it had ears to hang on to” ---
**Author:** ![minor7flat5](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minor7flat5/32/258_2.png) [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/45 "2002-12-16T17:00:10Z")
That’s slicker than snot on a doorknob! Faster than goose shit through a tin horn. Well, I’ll be dipped in monkey shit! ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/46 "2002-12-16T17:26:10Z")
Dumb: “Not the sharpest tool in the shed” or “One brick short of a full load” Skinny: “He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower just to get wet!” Old: “Older’n Water” (Or dirt) or “I may be old but I’ll be around to piss on your grave!” ---
**Author:** ![lovelyluka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f475e1/32.png) [@lovelyluka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelyluka)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/47 "2002-12-16T17:35:04Z")
How my boyfriend’s brother spoke of his ex… “She’s so ugly, it looks like someone beat her face with a bag of nickels.” ---
**Author:** ![bluecanary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bluecanary/32/3614_2.png) [@bluecanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluecanary)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/48 "2002-12-16T17:44:51Z")
On sitting on a too-big chair: _“Like a pea on a drum”_ On shooting pool successfully: _“Gently gently catch a monkey”_ On not getting answers wrong in German lessons: _“Don’t be a duck-egg”_ On Jenga: _“It’s gyrating like a disco diva”_ ---
**Author:** ![Toby-T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@Toby-T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toby-T)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/49 "2002-12-16T18:34:56Z")
colder than the shady side of a witch’s tit in a brass bra doing push-ups in the snow. hotter than a half-f#ck\*d fox in a forest fire two of my bro-in-laws favorites ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/50 "2002-12-16T19:00:06Z")
It’s as dark as your pocket. Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob. Busier than a one armed paper hanger with an itchy back. ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/51 "2002-12-16T19:01:10Z")
hotter than a two peckered billygoat. ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/52 "2002-12-16T19:19:40Z")
Useless as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. -or- Useless as tits on a boar. Slicker than toad snot. That thing humps up like a show dog (in reference to a chainsaw hitting a knot). Sweeter than sugar p\*ssy. **Brynda** - _That girl is short up and tall around_. That is great! I love it. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/53 "2002-12-16T20:16:49Z")
When something is especially tasty: _That’s good enough to make you kick your grandmaw!_ When rain is falling and the sun is shining at the same time: _The devil’s beating his wife_ ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/54 "2002-12-16T21:26:16Z")
Along the lines of _“Does a bear shit in the woods?”_ are two favorites: _Is a fat dog heavy?_ _Is a frog’s ass water tight?_ It’s time to make like a fetus and head on out! ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/55 "2002-12-16T21:31:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Frankd6 \* > \*\*When something is especially tasty: _That’s good enough to make you kick your grandmaw!_ > > \ > > \*\* When I first saw this I read _lick_ for _kick_. I thought it was disgusting but perhaps regionally appropriate. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/56 "2002-12-16T22:48:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Tighter than a gnat’s ass. > [@](#): > > Close shaves: ‘Missed it by a gnat’s c\*ck’ Hey! My mother says the thing about the devil beating his wife. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/57 "2002-12-17T00:04:35Z")
Another one I remember: You ask someone if they’re serious about something they just said, and they come back with: “As serious as a bee sting and three heart attacks.” ---
**Author:** ![guitarmax\_99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@guitarmax\_99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guitarmax_99)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/58 "2002-12-17T00:50:05Z")
Good stuff…keep 'em coming. I found heard a translation of an idiomatic expression used in Russia that I thought I’d share while we were at it. Meaning: “Mind your own business” Idiom: “If you’re not being F\*\*\*ed, then stop wiggling your a$$” (pardon the profanity folks) ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/59 "2002-12-17T05:40:12Z")
“It’s hotter than two rats crackin’ in a wool sock” leaving: “I’m gonna make like a baby and head out” ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/60 "2002-12-17T09:05:45Z")
the only thing I can think of is ‘thicker than pigsh\*t’ -about the most derogatory thing I knew how to say when I was a kid. Also good for describing members of the ARC. Likewise, ‘dumber than a sack of hammers’. My dad used to describe trying to make my brothers and I hurry up as ‘herding Brown’s cows’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=4)