# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/61 "2002-12-17T09:11:14Z")
the only thing I can think of is ‘thicker than pigsh\*t’ -about the most derogatory thing I knew how to say when I was a kid. Also good for describing members of the ARC. Likewise, ‘dumber than a sack of hammers’. My dad used to describe trying to make my brothers and I hurry up as ‘herding Brown’s cows’ ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/62 "2002-12-17T09:20:44Z")
Eep! Dual posting. Seems the above applys to me as well. ---
**Author:** ![Aro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Aro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aro)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/63 "2002-12-17T11:00:26Z")
…“You’ve got a bake on ya like a lurgan spade…” “…Getawaydafug ya wee gat. Who’d ya fink y’are? Wee Slabber…” “…Fer fuhsake catch yerself on ya fuggen goat ye…” (Some of the above from [here.](http://speaknorniron.8m.net/)) ---
**Author:** ![MrMyth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19b73/32.png) [@MrMyth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrMyth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/64 "2002-12-17T20:49:10Z")
when you approve of something - _That’s just the cat’s ass!_ Insult - \* Girl’s so skinny, you drop a quarter down her back, you get two at her heels\*. I never really understood that one. Insult - _Girl so skinny you could pick a lock with her thigh_ Threat - _Slap you into Sunday and be waiting for you on Monday_. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/65 "2002-12-17T21:23:11Z")
Heard this one in Dallas… Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/66 "2002-12-17T21:46:23Z")
**Tupug Anachi** : Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road **Brynda** : That girl is short up and tall around **Jake** : He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower just to get wet and I may be old but I’ll be around to piss on your grave! **Honey** : She’d f\*\*\* a snake if it had ears to hang on to **delini8r** : You can’t polish a turd **Dread Pirate Jimbo** : Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets full first **Goo** : that’s one sperm that should’ve been swallowed **El\_Kabong** : He hasn’t got enough fat on his ass to fry his ears **QtM** : Well, solder my spleen vents shut and hang me a new frog ---
**Author:** ![rackman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d07c76/32.png) [@rackman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rackman)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/67 "2002-12-17T22:03:34Z")
Hotter than a Georgia whore in church. Do you smell what I’m steppin’ in? (Do you know what I’m getting at?) Dumber than a box of rocks. ---
**Author:** ![CritcalMass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b77776/32.png) [@CritcalMass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CritcalMass)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/68 "2002-12-18T00:21:56Z")
“the team folded like a cheap suitcase” 'Uglier than a dog with five legs" “there’s a face only a mother can love” “she’s a few fries short of a happy meal” “about as useful as tits on a nun” “so old he’s got an autographed copy of the bible” (in reference to getting screwed over or stabbed in the back) “at least kiss me before you f\*\*k me next time” “happier than a pig in sh\*t” ---
**Author:** ![TwoOnes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eb8c5e/32.png) [@TwoOnes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoOnes)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/69 "2002-12-18T01:37:55Z")
More money than a show dog could jump over. Colder than a mother-in-laws kiss. Hung like a stud field mouse. Dumber than a piss clam. Couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel. Busier than a cat with three pu\*\*\*s. Taller than the pine trees. Language so dirty it would put a nun into a coma. So nasty you could make a hooker blush. Her a$$ looks like two dogs fighting under a blanket. Your eyes look like two piss holes in the snow. Slower than old people fu%^ing. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/70 "2002-12-18T05:34:55Z")
May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/71 "2002-12-18T15:30:22Z")
My friend from Nebraska just supplied this deviation from the rocks one. She says it’s her Irish Setter’s nickname. Dumber than a box of hair. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/72 "2002-12-18T15:51:25Z")
Said to my brother when he was modeling a tight pairs of pants - “Your ass looks like two boys fighting under a blanket.” Said of someone breathing heavily - “You sound like a fat man climbng a fence.” ---
**Author:** ![YEP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/43a26b/32.png) [@YEP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YEP)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/73 "2002-12-18T17:24:14Z")
After a dinner with folks I had recently met, “I’m as full as a whore in a no spittin’ zone.” yikes, what was I thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/74 "2002-12-18T18:21:50Z")
**Lack of Brains:** Dumber than a box of rocks. He’s got room temp IQ Smarter than a pond full of Coi. **Exercize in futulity:** Like shoveling sand in the desert with a slotted spoon. Like bailing out the rowboat while under the Niagara. \*\*Shirley’s Favorite So-Far \*\* Tighter than a camels ass in a sandstorm. (What a visual!) ---
**Author:** ![Politzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ab097/32.png) [@Politzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Politzania)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/75 "2002-12-18T19:40:18Z")
From my mother-in-law about someone who’s fidgety/tossing & turning: “Like a fart in a skillet” ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/76 "2002-12-19T00:10:44Z")
Fair, partly cloudy. (reply to How ya doin’) (On spotting a pretty woman) That’s enough to make a young bulldog break his chain. (On spotting a pretty woman) She’s a wonder of nature, that one. Close, but no see-gar. (Dad told me this came from carnival games where the prize was a cigar.) Crazy as a stump-suckin’ mare. (Folklore says wood-chewing horses are daft.) (wimpish) He ain’t got no hangy-downs. (extremely fit) She’s got a body you could rollerskate on. (tumescence) So hard a cat can’t scratch it. Ass deep to a tall Indian. That thing would turn on a dime and give you three cents change. (small sports car) Room for your ass and a gallon of gas, and if your balls hung low, well, you lost 'em. (people in a mad rush) It was all assholes and elbows. ---
**Author:** ![SparrowHawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@SparrowHawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SparrowHawk)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/77 "2002-12-19T01:12:12Z")
Slower than molasses headed up hill. On the shady side of an iceberg going north. In January. A face only a mother could love. Headed out the back door, on payday. Downhill. With a tailwind. (Really, _really_ ugly) Too pooped to pop. (tired) My eyes feel like boiled onions in a snow bank. (too little sleep) As useful as fins on a dicky bird’s chest. Fair is fair and pigs is pigs. (when someone isn’t being fair) Like five pounds of grapefruit in a three pound bag. (A well-endowed woman in a too small top) ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/78 "2002-12-19T17:58:11Z")
More … On futility: Like poundin’ sand down a rat-hole. On a deadbeat person: That feller ain’t nuthin’ but a waste of skin. On wisdom: Done seen the elephant and heard the hoot owl. ---
**Author:** ![skittles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@skittles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skittles)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/79 "2002-12-19T18:56:59Z")
My dad (rest his soul) was famous for saying “That’ll go over like a fart in church” when something simply wasn’t going to go over too well. It always made me giggle for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![japatlgt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df705f/32.png) [@japatlgt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/japatlgt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/80 "2002-12-19T19:23:36Z")
“Shinier than a diamond in a goat’s ass!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=5)