# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![TaxGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@TaxGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TaxGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/81 "2002-12-19T19:41:00Z")
“Does the Pope shit in the woods?” (combining “Does a bear shit in the woods?” with “Is the Pope Catholic?”; I think it’s from “The Big Lebowski”) “Sweating like a whore in church” On farting: (said immediately after) “I must’ve stepped on a frog” (on blame) “The smeller’s the feller” ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/82 "2002-12-19T20:03:25Z")
From some local sports commentators: “He’s as cool as the other side of the pillow” (After a hard hit) “Felt that one in the crow’s nest!” ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/83 "2002-12-19T23:41:00Z")
Money talks, bullshit walks. ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/84 "2002-12-20T03:25:06Z")
About people you should stay away from: He/she is more trouble than ten miles of bad road. He/she is as dangerous as a two-headed rattlesnake ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/85 "2002-12-20T08:45:26Z")
Darker than a black cat in a coal cellar at midnight. She was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Ford. (from the "tin lizzie’ era). You look like you was rode hard and put away wet. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/86 "2002-12-20T10:32:44Z")
Couple Sandwiches short of a picnic Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Doesn’t know whether to scratch his butt or wind his watch. ---
**Author:** ![curly\_chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@curly\_chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curly_chick)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/87 "2002-12-20T12:33:33Z")
An ugly person He/she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch On seeing a good looking woman, a friend of mine says “She would tighten the head on a brush” ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Barber\_s\_Underwear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/58f4c7/32.png) [@Tony\_Barber\_s\_Underwear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Barber_s_Underwear)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/88 "2002-12-20T13:10:24Z")
My brother often says : “Well shit a green brick and send it to the Salvation Army.” I’d like to know what that means one day. - Bubba. ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2002, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/89 "2002-12-21T00:35:54Z")
I don’t know exactly what this is a metaphor for: A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there ---
**Author:** ![jmalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8edcca/32.png) [@jmalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmalin)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/90 "2003-01-08T15:23:42Z")
Noiser than a mule in a tin shed. Faster than a blind dog’s tail in a meat market. (rather long) So dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel. More stubborn than a froze hog. ---
**Author:** ![7string](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/8baadc/32.png) [@7string](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7string)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/91 "2003-01-08T16:57:01Z")
How about: That dog’ll hunt (I saw the opposite) He may be fat, but he sure is slow (don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean but it sure is funny) Fuck me dead. (see the movie Welcome to Woop Woop) Part my beef curtains (Welcome to Woop Woop again) Stick a fork in me, I’m done. Don’t forget my sig (not a saying, I really want to you look at my sig)… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/92 "2003-01-08T17:03:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrMyth \* > \*_Insult - \* Girl’s so skinny, you drop a quarter down her back, you get two at her heels_. I never really understood that one. > \*\* It means that as the quarter rolled down the girl’s back, her razor-thin spine would slice the coin along its edge. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/93 "2003-01-08T18:39:38Z")
“That coffee’s stronger’n tha law” “I hafta piss like a racehorse” ---
**Author:** ![Phoebestar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Phoebestar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phoebestar)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/94 "2003-01-08T18:50:11Z")
My boss’ favorite (well, one of the few ones he’ll say around me, on account of me being such a delicate female type): “Smarter than a three-week-old baby pig.” ---
**Author:** ![Timchik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c0e974/32.png) [@Timchik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Timchik)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/95 "2003-01-08T20:03:53Z")
“thick as two short planks” [ottawa valley] threatening: “I’ll show you where the bear shit in the buckwheat” [/ottawa valley] ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/96 "2003-01-08T20:44:11Z")
Slicker’n puppy shit. In a three-pronged tizzy. (in a state of agitated distress) Running around with your hair on fire, putting it out with a hammer. Putting a fine edge on a marshmallow (used in a business context–trying to estimate the un-estimatable). ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/97 "2003-01-08T20:49:59Z")
He couldn’t find his ass with both hands & a flashlight. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/98 "2003-01-08T20:51:38Z")
He couldn’t organize a one-car funeral. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/99 "2003-01-08T20:55:00Z")
Trying to nail Jell-o to the wall (very similar to putting an edge on a marshamallow). ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/100 "2003-01-08T21:21:44Z")
My hubby’s father used to say “That’s about as smart as a fart in a bathtub.” He was from Nebraska. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=6)