# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/141 "2003-01-10T00:16:31Z")
Raining like a bull pissing on a flat rock. As high as dwarf in a helium hat. ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/142 "2003-01-10T00:59:35Z")
Well I thought for sure I’d have something to add. I guess I don’t know shit from shinola. ---
**Author:** ![aliceinlalaland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@aliceinlalaland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aliceinlalaland)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/143 "2003-01-10T02:31:48Z")
Here’s some very Australian ones: Busier than a blue-arsed fly All over the place like a mad woman’s sh\*t Full as a fat lady’s sock (or jocks if you want to be cruder) ---
**Author:** ![SnugTheJoiner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@SnugTheJoiner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnugTheJoiner)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/144 "2003-01-10T05:16:47Z")
Well, paint me purple and call me Barney! ---
**Author:** ![Bckupqb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@Bckupqb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bckupqb)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/145 "2003-01-10T06:58:53Z")
you’re laying around like a turd in a toilet bowl you cant be related to me you’re too retarded assholes and elbows close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades i hate you more than life itself let me break this down crayola style for ya’ll someone hit theier heasd diveing into the gene pool How’re those for starts? ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/146 "2003-01-10T11:27:49Z")
“As useless as tits on a boar.” ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/147 "2003-01-10T13:16:19Z")
I thought for sure someone would drag out this old chestnut from Looney Tunes: “That boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.” Also, am I the only one old enough to remember this one?: “Well, paint me green and call me Gumby.” ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/148 "2003-01-10T14:23:19Z")
Babbling on like an English major on ecstasy I’ll beat you like a red-headed stepchild Beat you like a rented mule She’s been banged more times than a screendoor in a hurricane She’s been plowed more times than a parking lot in Buffalo ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/149 "2003-01-10T14:24:35Z")
Whoops, forgot one. We’re all just one chromosome away from the Special Olympics. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/150 "2003-01-10T14:24:54Z")
From the Army: “About as fun as hemorrhoids on a hot day.” “So dumb he couldn’t navigate his way out a brown paper bag.” “So dumb he stayed up all night studying for a urine test.” “Stick a fork up my butt & turn me over, 'cause I’m done.” When you have to poop really bad: “I gotta go so bad I’m touching fabric!” From Mom, when skeptical: “If the paper lies still, you can print anything on it.” also: “You got the accent on the wrong syl-LAL-able.” As opposed to SYL-lable. “He cut off his nose just to spite his face.” Others: “Dumber than a home-made radio.” From up north when someone farts: “I thought I heard a buck snort!” Also when farting: “You hear that? Barking spiders!” Paraphrased from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: “He’s so uptight if you stuck a piece of coal up his butt in three weeks you’d have a diamond.” On throwing up: “Yodelling groceries.” “Technicolor scream.” ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/151 "2003-01-10T14:30:14Z")
Whoops, yet another one. If I wanted smoke blown up my ass I’d buy a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/152 "2003-01-10T16:05:24Z")
Starting to get a lot of repeats…read first, then write. But nobody’s posted this recent one: “Did you go to school on the short bus?” ---
**Author:** ![Tigers2B1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc29f/32.png) [@Tigers2B1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tigers2B1)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/153 "2003-01-10T16:25:02Z")
**That’ll make a magot gag!** **Now don’t get no burr under your saddle boy.** ---
**Author:** ![viking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@viking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/viking)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/154 "2003-01-10T17:40:57Z")
A good face for radio. He could f\*ck up a wet dream. ---
**Author:** ![SnugTheJoiner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@SnugTheJoiner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnugTheJoiner)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/155 "2003-01-11T21:42:32Z")
“He’s got his head so far up his butt he’s looking out of his mouth.” ---
**Author:** ![jane\_says](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jane\_says](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jane_says)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/156 "2003-01-11T21:58:12Z")
I’ve seen better-organized monkey shit fights at the zoo. (This event is poorly organized). Shit and fall back in it. (To be surprised). How do ya like them beans/apples? (How do you like that?) Put that in your smipe and poke it (pipe and smoke it). (Get used to it). ---
**Author:** ![buddhiccan8403](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d2c977/32.png) [@buddhiccan8403](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddhiccan8403)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/157 "2003-01-11T23:49:29Z")
Another of those posts I just had to register for…my favorite of my family’s sayings: I could run you out of town with a sharpened sweet potato. Or, in response to someone saying they might do something: Mites in a chicken’s ass. Well, fan my brow, cousin. ---
**Author:** ![DLurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecd19e/32.png) [@DLurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DLurker)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/158 "2003-01-12T00:25:01Z")
Mad: Your ass is grass and I’m a lawnmower. Disbelieving: It’ll work… Like a windshield wiper on a goats ass. Accusation: Your asshole must be sucking wind. (a.k.a. talking out your butt) Statement: Cold enough to freeze the ball off a brass monkey. ---
**Author:** ![stoyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@stoyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoyel)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/159 "2003-01-14T06:31:26Z")
And if that don’t work, we’ll always think it shoulda. (Like most of these, it absolutely must be said with a Southern accent.) ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/160 "2003-01-14T08:58:29Z")
Similar to some others already posted… - Couldn’t find his ass with both hands in his back pockets - Slicker than greased otter shit - Folder faster than a k-mart lawn chair To be said when one is helping out in some small way for someone else’s larger project (it is a twee bit crude… I think I first heard it on these boards actually. Funny that). - You’re the one f\*\*king this chicken, I’m just holding the wings… I don’t use that one much. Gee… I wonder why? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=9)