# Share your favorite porn movie "plots" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 30, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775 "2006-06-30T17:26:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/1 "2006-06-30T17:26:34Z")
-Girl answers the door. It’s the pizza guy. (From Pizza Slut, of course.) “Oh, geez, I really want this pizza, but I don’t have any money. Isn’t there some other way I can pay for it?” Boom-chicka-boom. -“Doctor, I have a pain right here. Can you take a look at it?” Boom-chicka-boom. -“Young lady, you’re failing French. I’m going to have to call your parents. Unless…” Boom-chicka-boom. -(In a psychologist’s office) “Doctor, this is really embarassing, but I have this really bizarre fantasy. But I’m too shy to tell you.” “You can say anything you want in here. Just talk about it.” “I have a better idea.” Boom-chicka-boom. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/2 "2006-06-30T18:31:33Z")
“I just had a fight with my boyfriend.” “My boyfriend’s been acting like a jerk lately too.” “If only there was some alternative for us girls…” boom-chicka on chicka action-boom ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/3 "2006-06-30T18:51:44Z")
Russ Meyers’ UP. Hitler gets eaten by a piranah that is tossed into his bathtub by a mysterious figure. “Who did it?” asks the crazy naked gyrating woman in the woods. Only Margo Winchester can solve the case. Oh… boomchikabawwow… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/4 "2006-06-30T19:31:01Z")
God hires Satan to make a porn film so humanity will understand that God has nothing against sex. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/5 "2006-06-30T19:41:13Z")
I remember one from the 70’s that one of my brothers had floating around where the plot followed a pair of panties from one sexual romp to the next. I grew up thinking that girls all shared their underwear with each other. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/6 "2006-06-30T19:48:23Z")
I distinctly remember one about a female PI hired to track down some ancient relic and steal it back from a woman who turned out to be Morgan LeFay. That’s right–Arthurian Porn Noir. It had a voiceover and everything. To this day, I’ve never been able to forget it. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/7 "2006-06-30T19:58:40Z")
A spoof of War Games, that came out a couple of years earlier. Ron Jeremy tells his roommate, Kevin James (not the fat comedian) about this new thing (it was new at the time) called computer dating. James becomes intrigued with the concept, joins the dating service, buys a Coleco console and hacks the dating site to get all the fanasies & turn-ons of the ladies on the service. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/8 "2006-06-30T20:03:31Z")
I loved the conversation in **The Big Lebowski** concerning a porn video: _Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude_ Sherry in ‘Logjammin’: [on video] You must be about ready to fix the cable. Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here. The Dude: He fixes the cable? Maude Lebowski: Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/9 "2006-06-30T20:11:51Z")
“So this is what the guy’s locker room looks like.” “Oh, dear, Mr. low-rent Philip Marlowe-type character, you’ve caught me! How can I ever convince you not to turn me in to the police?” Girl in bikini on chaise lounge. Shirtless pool guy raking the water’s surface with a net. Not a word is spoken, then… Many years ago (like, in the mid-'70s) I saw one called (IIRC) “It Happened in Hollywood”. I remember very little of the thing, except one sequence involving a circus act called “The Flying Fucks”. You guessed it, they did it on a trapeze. Cracked me right up, for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/10 "2006-06-30T20:13:11Z")
I saw an ad for one I always wanted to see once: “Beach Blanket Bango” which followed the plots (such as they were) of the Annette Funicello/Frankie Avalon beach movies, including songs. It looked laughably hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/11 "2006-06-30T20:30:46Z")
I can’t watch porn with a plot- it just seems so ridiculous. If I want porn, I need a move that’s just sex. No sense trying to come up with some contrived reason to get to slammin’, just get to slammin’. Man, there are a lot of sex-related threads on the board these days… ---
**Author:** ![priapus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@priapus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/priapus)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/12 "2006-06-30T20:35:22Z")
The Devil in Miss Jones had a pretty good plot.Miss Jones commits suicide.Since she dies a virgin,Satan allows her a little more time on earth to explore lust and desire.And then…boom shicka boom ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/13 "2006-06-30T20:40:51Z")
Ah, Ron Jeremy. I once saw a movie he directed. In one scene, there was a classroom. The teacher was telling the class that today they’d be studying ancient Rome. The students asked what aspect of Rome. The Senate? The aquaducts? Nope, the orgies. Chicka-boom. Here’s one of my favorites: Two girls on a school field trip get bored and sneak back to the school bus. They start asking about each other’s pussies, then start fingering each other. The teacher, Mr. Brown, finds them there and and hollers at them for their truancy. He accuses them of smoking pot on the bus. They deny his accusation. He doesn’t believe them, and insists on smelling their fingers. Boom-chicka-boom. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/14 "2006-06-30T23:07:35Z")
Oh, I remember one that was honestly a pretty smart satire of the world of Professional wrestling at the time. The lead was name Rock Hard Rick Houston ( a play on two popular wrestlers names Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock). ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/15 "2006-06-30T23:39:27Z")
[The Autobiography of a Flea!](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0122972/) [Talk Dirty To Me!](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081596/) So I have an affinity for vintage porn, sue me! It’s shot on film and people aren’t depilated into action figure clones… ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/16 "2006-06-30T23:56:38Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Here’s one of my favorites: Two girls on a school field trip get bored and sneak back to the school bus. They start asking about each other’s pussies, then start fingering each other. The teacher, Mr. Brown, finds them there and and hollers at them for their truancy. He accuses them of smoking pot on the bus. They deny his accusation. He doesn’t believe them, and insists on smelling their fingers. Boom-chicka-boom. I think I’ve seen that one 😃 One of my favorite scenes was in (I think) one of the New Wave Hookers movies - #3 or #4, I think. Two actresses lounging on a bed in a fancy hotel. One mentions to the other that she’s in the mood for some quacking duckmen. She calls the front desk and asks them to send up a gaggle of quacking duckmen. A few moments later the quacking duckmen arrive: four or five naked guys wearing full-head duck masks, going “quack, quack, quack …” throughout the entire scene as they pleasured the two women. It was so ridiculous that it was hilarious. And the sex was extremely hot. My favorite “plot” was WPINK-TV. The employees of a television station decide to broadcast live sex after the station has officially signed off for the night. Hey, anything with both Ron Jeremy _and_ Harry Reems has to be good! Add in John Holmes, who was the “celebrity cock” for the game show they broadcast, “Beat the Cock”. Harry Reems played an FCC investigator sent to find out what was going on. There was one hilarious scene in which John Holmes wakes up from a nap (resting after his appearance on the game show) and finds Reems in bed with him. The Christy Canyon solo scene with a vibrator was kind of boring, but the scene with Ron Jeremy “teaching” Ali Moore how to give head was good. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2006, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/17 "2006-07-01T00:22:28Z")
I got two. One was Krishna and his gopis, which shocked the hell out of me the first time I saw it, and offended me a little too. Now I want to find it again. 🙂 The other one was set in beatnik clubs of the 50s? 40s? And the costumes were great! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2006, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/18 "2006-07-01T00:47:30Z")
> [@Dooku](#): > > I remember one from the 70’s that one of my brothers had floating around where the plot followed a pair of panties from one sexual romp to the next. I grew up thinking that girls all shared their underwear with each other. 😕 Don’t they? **Guys** do! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2006, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/19 "2006-07-01T00:48:35Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > I distinctly remember one about a female PI hired to track down some ancient relic and steal it back from a woman who turned out to be Morgan LeFay. > > That’s right–Arthurian Porn Noir. It had a voiceover and everything. To this day, I’ve never been able to forget it. !!! Title?! Production company?! Distributor?! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775/20 "2006-07-01T00:53:54Z")
[_Cafe Flesh:_](http://www.angelfire.com/movies/oc/cafe.html) Humanity has survived a global thermonuclear war, but with the unanticipated effect of turning most humans into “sex negatives” – they can’t even touch a person of the opposite (or otherwise desired) sex without getting the dry heaves. They can, however, enjoy sex vicariously. The few surviving “sex positives” are required by law to put on live sex shows for the rest. Kind of a fantastic metaphor for the whole porn industry. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-favorite-porn-movie-plots/362775.md?page=2)