# Share your most horrible responses to websites/personal ads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 25, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440 "2007-09-25T16:47:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/1 "2007-09-25T16:47:36Z")
I’m not currently in the dating pool but I am on Facebook. [This](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=437742&page=1&pp=50) thread, especially page 3, reminded me of some of the horrible e-mails/notes I’ve gotten. I thought it might be fun if we were to share some of ours, and I didn’t want to hijack that thread. Here’s a couple I’ve gotten. First of all, you should know that on Facebook, I have a dance picture of myself, dressed up as Krishna. Secondly, I have a very low tolerance for bad grammar, and worse when it’s Indian people. We’re intelligent! We should do better! Thirdly, I want to get to know other Indian people, but I ask that they regard me as a _person_, and not just “Indian girl”. > [@](#): > > Him: HI (my name). ITS ME (his name), THEN WHY UR PROFILE SREE KRISHNAN, BUT REALY I CANT BELIVE THIS 1975"“”“”“”"'ANY WAY HAVE NICE DAY \>\> > > Me: God your grammar is bad. Anyway that picture is from about 10-15 years ago. Someone asked me to specifically put that picture up. > > Him: yes, the picture is nice. did i wrote something wrong if u feel like that im “sorry” to day my weekend’ i hope ur fine see u saturday’ > " > Me: See me Saturday? How on earth will you see me Saturday? > > Him: yes u r right, I feel like that but not me only whole world untill now’‘’‘’‘’ “(his name)” What the hell? Second one. I figured, OK, I was being rude and snippy in the first one, so thought I’d be nicer. I left the date stamps in so you could see what a nutcase he was. > [@](#): > > 11:39pm September 12th > Him:would you like to be my friend ( krisna) > > 9:09am September 13th > Me:Yeah, sure I don’t have a problem with it. Nice to meet you! > > 10:27am September 13th > Him:you must be a good indian classical dancer. > > 10:31am September 13th > Me:Hah. I don’t dance professionally anymore - that picture was from my teen years. But I still know my Kathak, and I still do plenty of bhangra/folk/you-name-it. > > 10:34am September 13th > Him:were do you live? > > 10:35am September 13th > Him:i like ladies saree. do wear saree too. are you pujabi > > 10:41am September 13th > Me:First of all, it’s spelled Punjabi. Secondly, how are saris even related to my original comment? Or do you normally speak in non-sequitors? > > 10:46am September 13th > Him:i like to know everything in one time > > 10:48am September 13th > Him:i have to go to work i will talk to you next time. what is the best time to talk to you? > > 10:50am September 13th > Him: take care bye for now I finally lost my patience. In some ways I sympathize with **Stoid** , though I did not post in that thread. These are responses from people who are trying to be my _friend_. Can you imagine what it’s like when this is your pool to pick from for a significant other? ETA: Please share yours! I’ll come back with more if this thread takes off. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/2 "2007-09-25T17:03:30Z")
Pretty much any response I get these days. Why am I getting hit on only by poor spellers from Ghana? But the first response I got was great. “i was born from boston.” Ya think ya might learn the language some day, then? So anyway, we started IMing, and she started sending me nude pictures of herself (or someone). And she was SOOOO in luv for me cna we b togth er soon lol. There was problem. She was born from boston, but currently stuck in Lagos with no way to get back. If I could just send her a check for $10,000, then she could come home and we’d togeth er adn in luv lol. She’s still waiting for that check. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/3 "2007-09-25T19:40:33Z")
Easy. My ad was in “Women Seeking Women.” You are a man. No, I am not lookin 4 a hawt time 2nite!! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/4 "2007-09-26T04:15:28Z")
I wouldn’t say they were the _worst_, but in the last 2 days I’ve had emails from a conservative Christian and a 25 year-old. I’m 39, and most definitely _not_ a cougar. Run along now, little boy. I’m also a liberal atheist, and both of those are clearly displayed on my profile, as is the age range I am looking for. I’m thinking a lot of guys just email anybody new that pops up. Their qualifications are that you must be breathing. In my case, I wasn’t new, but I hadn’t visited that site in many months. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/5 "2007-09-26T18:20:17Z")
I’ve actually not done too badly. The worst in recent memory was the guy who e-mailed me because, as he put it, I was nearby and looked like an Ewok. First of all, I don’t call four hundred miles away nearby, and second, I do not look like an Ewok. I don’t think I do, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/6 "2007-09-26T18:20:58Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] I’ve actually not done too badly. The worst in recent memory was the guy who e-mailed me because, as he put it, I was nearby and looked like an Ewok. First of all, I don’t call four hundred miles away nearby, and second, I do not look like an Ewok. I don’t think I do, anyway. [/QUOTE] Of course you don’t! Why, how silly of the guy! snicker ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/7 "2007-09-26T18:22:15Z")
Oh god, I can’t just walk away. WHY was it a good thing that you looked like an Ewok to him? Does he have some kind of Ewok fucking fetish? There are dolls you know. It reminds me of that Robot Chicken episode with Snuggles the bear (link provided upon request.) “This is a big no-no!” ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/8 "2007-09-26T19:26:46Z")
My sister was using a Women Seeking Women site and told me about this one. Not that it was the other woman’s fault, just a hilarious incompatibility. My sister is very athletic and outdoorsy. She loves campig, hiking, and long canoe expeditions. This was in her profile. She is also a tree-hugging vegetarian who loves cute, fuzzy-wuzzy, wee animals. This was not in her profile. She discovered that she neglected to put this in her profile, when an elligible woman waxed poetic about growing up a lesbian in a small, northern town and trying to impress, IMed my sister: “I kill my own meat.” Yup. She hunts for sport too. She has blown ducks out of the sky and has a freezer full of Bambi meat in her living room. My sister said she gasped in horror so hard she nearly swallowed her tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/9 "2007-09-26T20:40:21Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Oh god, I can’t just walk away. WHY was it a good thing that you looked like an Ewok to him? Does he have some kind of Ewok fucking fetish? There are dolls you know. It reminds me of that Robot Chicken episode with Snuggles the bear (link provided upon request.) “This is a big no-no!” [/QUOTE] I loved that episode. It beats me, though. Of all the things I have been compared to, Ewoks have never appeared on the list, and I think I might develop a tiny complex about it, just for fun. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/10 "2007-09-26T20:52:19Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] I loved that episode. It beats me, though. Of all the things I have been compared to, Ewoks have never appeared on the list, and I think I might develop a tiny complex about it, just for fun. [/QUOTE] Maybe it was **Swallowed My Cellphone** ’s sister? We know she “loves cute, fuzzy-wuzzy, wee animals”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/11 "2007-09-26T21:00:17Z")
[QUOTE=Swallowed My Cellphone] My sister was using a Women Seeking Women site and told me about this one. Not that it was the other woman’s fault, just a hilarious incompatibility. [/QUOTE] I think a required bit of information in personals should be what TV shows you like to watch. That could possibly reveal more about who you are than almost anything. Years ago I was talking to someone that answered my ad. Things were already moving along not so well, when I asked what TV shows she liked. She said that she was totally into pro wrestling. She watched it all the time. She lived it. And she thought it was real. I’m thinking “eww!” Then she asked me what I liked. I said The Science Channel, TLC, Nova, things like that. She was shocked! HOW could ANYONE watch stuff that made you LEARN? It was inconceivable to her. We never did meet. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/12 "2007-09-26T23:22:51Z")
Well, in addition to having the “non smoker” attribute checked off, I also put in my profile “[[blah blah blah]] nonsmoker seeks same”. But I still get a ridiculous amounts of smokers responding to my ad. I guess I could put some sort of more emphatic wordage in there “NO SMOKERS! I MEAN IT!” But I think it’s lame when other people use profiles to rant about things. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/13 "2007-09-26T23:33:56Z")
Long ago, I had a guy write me a message on MySpace where in which he claimed he was in a brain injury facility. I’m not entirely sure if it was true or if he was kidding and attempting to make a memorable attempt at contact. Well, he certainly left an impact. Either way, though, there is no way I’m writing a guy like that back. I’ve also received messages that say: “I’ll knock the breaks off that pussy,” “U R SO SUFFISTACTED!”, “Damn bb u r sssssssewww fiiiiiiine wanna go out sum tim!?!!!” While attempting to read these monstrosities, I always wonder if those lines ever work? The same goes for the guys on the street who yell to me that I’ve got great tits and that they’d like to lick them; seriously, does that work on ANYONE? Oh, your responses to the first suitor are a bit ironic: you’re missing some commas in your grammatically judgmental replies. Regardless, I love you and demand to know why we aren’t friends on Facebook! (Cut to everyone pointing out the grammar-centric inadequacies of my post). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/14 "2007-09-26T23:37:28Z")
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima] Oh, your responses to the first suitor are a bit ironic: you’re missing some commas in your grammatically judgmental replies. [/QUOTE] Heh. I don’t put myself up as some kind of grammar Nazi, certainly. Mistakes happen. However I’m fairly sure that I, at least, am coherent. I get my message across. And if it was a paper, yeah, I’d raise my standard higher. I don’t even know what to make of “I’ll knock the breaks off that pussy”. Whut?! It got me wondering. I have breaks on it? Ouch. \*Brakes \*doesn’t make sense either. Did he mean socks, as in “I’ll knock the \*\*socks \*\*off that pussy”? I don’t even like socks on my _feet_. ETA: Why aren’t we friends on facebook? Er…um…no reason. I’m Elenia25, look for me, I use Facebook like a big old klunky tool and hardly understand it. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/15 "2007-09-26T23:41:15Z")
On [Match.com](http://Match.com), I contacted a guy who had a profile I thought was compatible with me. He wrote back demanding semi-rudely to know why I would think we had anything in common. I did think my profile was awkwardly worded at the time, so I wrote back to explain myself, and attributed the rudeness to the fact that tone doesn’t always translate in writing. His response was to say I should suggest a meeting place. I recommended a restaurant I liked in Harvard Square. He responded to tell me that he would never eat in a public restaurant, that eating is a bodily function akin to taking a dump. He then demanded that I pick another place. I was totally stunned. Stupidly, I suggested we go to a new exhibit at one of the Harvard museums. I shouldn’t have responded at all. He wrote back to say that he thought it was dumb to go somewhere we would be doing an activity while getting to know each other. He demanded I pick something else. Basically, the rude jackass wanted me to come meet him at his house. Probably a true psycho. I stopped writing after that. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/16 "2007-09-26T23:42:30Z")
It’s a line from a rap song by E-40. Actually, it seems I misquoted: > [@](#): > > You looking like you got that good gooshy, gooshy > Fuck round with me, **I beat the brakes off that pussy** > Have your ass cumming like a porno star movie > Tell your friends and I bet they all wanna do me Romantic, no? I asked what specifically was meant by that and was told, “Well, uh, you know how secure breaks are on a car, right? Ok, like, if you wanted to break the breaks off the, um, car you’d have to like, hit it really hard, right? So if you had breaks on your, uh, pussy, I’d have to hit it really hard. And hitting it means sex so I’d like, um, have to fuck you hard and stuff.” Infallible logic, no? Frankly, I’m thinking I should start using that as a pick up line, but since I pick up on boys, I’ll have to adjust. Do you think, “I’m going to bruise up your cock until it’s swollen and discolored for at least a week” is a good pick up line? PS: I shall attempt to add ya now! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/17 "2007-09-26T23:48:16Z")
Oh, god. Where do these people come from? [QUOTE=DiosaBellissima] I asked what specifically was meant by that…(snip) [/QUOTE] You’re a girl after my own heart. I would have asked, too. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/18 "2007-09-27T00:05:07Z")
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima] Infallible logic, no? Frankly, I’m thinking I should start using that as a pick up line, but since I pick up on boys, I’ll have to adjust. Do you think, “I’m going to bruise up your cock until it’s swollen and discolored for at least a week” is a good pick up line? [/QUOTE] As long as you mention licking it, you’ll be fine. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/19 "2007-09-27T00:09:16Z")
[QUOTE=jackdavinci] Well, in addition to having the “non smoker” attribute checked off, I also put in my profile “[[blah blah blah]] nonsmoker seeks same”. But I still get a ridiculous amounts of smokers responding to my ad. I guess I could put some sort of more emphatic wordage in there “NO SMOKERS! I MEAN IT!” But I think it’s lame when other people use profiles to rant about things. [/QUOTE] People ignore critical stuff anyway. Back a few years, I had an online ad. I think my intro started with “…seeking active woman who loves the outdoors and can beat my time in a 10k race”, then I went on about how my main interests were outdoor adventure sports like camping, caving, and kayaking. I described myself as a scruffy, tree-hugging, granola-chewing, vegetarian guy, who didn’t own a TV, and really, really didn’t like clubbing. My ideal vacation is following a mysterious path in the jungle. A girl gave me a “wink” (or “wave”, or “giggle” or “whatever the hell” the “free flirt” was). Her profile starts off: “First things first: I don’t camp. I’m proud to say I don’t own a single pair shoes with less than a 3” heel. . . I’m looking for a man who will pamper me." And then went on to say how her main interests are the club scene, reality TV, and fine dining at Chez Swanky Le Expensive Beefhaus, and her ideal vacation is “any resort with a spa” and one of her favorite social activities is “shopping” (I’d rather jam toothpicks under my fingermails than go into a mall.) Now there’s nothing at all wrong with her interests (except the shopping, weirdo!), however, mine went to great lengths to express _quite explicitly_ that I was looking for someone who led a very active lifestyle and that was very, _very_ important to me. She was more the cosmopolitan socialite, I was the kid who climbs trees and makes monkey noises. I couldn’t fathom _why_ she was “flirting” with me, so I ponied up and paid to IM her. Did she _read_ my profile? She did, she just didn’t care what I had to say and disregarded it entirely because she thought my photo was “cute”. Photo was from Hallowe’en. I was dressed as Gilligan. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440/20 "2007-09-27T00:33:04Z")
Well, if we’re going to get into people who obviously disregard your profile, I could be here all night. Biggest one for that: sexual orientation. I’m bisexual. That means I like to make the whoopie with dudes and chicks, although not necessarily at the same time. And it states that I am bisexual right up at the top of my profile where you can see it easily unless you’re not paying attention. So then why do I get all these people messaging me who think bisexuals are confused/nasty/attention whores/tools of Satan? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-most-horrible-responses-to-websites-personal-ads/420440.md?page=2)