# Share your offensive jokes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2012, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403 "2012-04-30T10:18:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/21 "2012-04-30T19:00:16Z")
What do you call a quadriplegic in your swimming pool? Bob. What do you call a quadriplegic lying on your doorstep? Matt. ---
**Author:** ![Stelios](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Stelios](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stelios)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/22 "2012-04-30T19:19:23Z")
Bonanza! [ul] [li]The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat. [/li][li]This pregnant girl I know has made a separate Facebook account just for her unborn child.[/li]It’s beginning to annoy me so much that I’ve decided to set up an account as a coat hanger, add the unborn child and poke them. [li]Have you heard the one about the baby with AIDS?[/li]Ah, it never gets old. [li]Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.[/li]I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out. [li]Statistically, nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape…[/li][li]What do most girls say when they experience their first orgasm?[/li]Gulp. My Jewish mate has been with his tourettes suffering girlfriend for four years now. I often wondered what kept them together. Then I saw the swear jar. [/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/23 "2012-04-30T19:23:34Z")
What’s red, white, and bounces up and down? A baby in a blender. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/24 "2012-04-30T19:25:02Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > What do you call a quadriplegic in your swimming pool? > > Bob. > > What do you call a quadriplegic lying on your doorstep? > > Matt. What do you call a one-legged woman? Ilene. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/25 "2012-04-30T19:26:03Z")
What’s black and white and black and off-white and black and brown and black and black? A nun on a spit. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/26 "2012-04-30T19:27:39Z")
Hey, did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard? …yeah, neither did she. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/27 "2012-04-30T19:38:37Z")
How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and a dead baby. What’s the difference between a truckload of gravel and a truckload of dead babies? Can’t unload the truckload of gravel with a pitchfork. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/28 "2012-04-30T19:52:03Z")
What’s gross? A pile of dead babies. What’s grosser? The live on on the bottom trying to eat his way out. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/29 "2012-04-30T19:54:59Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > What do you call a one-legged woman? > Ilene. What do you call a Japanese one-legged woman? Irene How does a Kentucky mom know when her daughter’s having her period? She tastes blood on her son’s penis. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/30 "2012-04-30T19:56:59Z")
What’s 17 inches long and makes a woman scream all night long? Crib death. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/31 "2012-04-30T19:57:14Z")
How do you castrate a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/32 "2012-04-30T20:03:24Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > What’s gross? A pile of dead babies. > > What’s grosser? The live on on the bottom trying to eat his way out. What’s grossest? He goes back for seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Stelios](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Stelios](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stelios)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/33 "2012-04-30T20:05:11Z")
To all the people who said that I’d never be able to write a joke about Bukkake: hah, in your face! I’m so homophobic, I’ve devised a way to masturbate without touching my cock. I get my mate Dave to do it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/34 "2012-04-30T21:42:41Z")
How do you know when your frat buddy is gay? When his cock tastes like shit. What’s black and blue and wet all over? Caylee Anthony ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/35 "2012-04-30T21:49:13Z")
> [@Stelios](#): > > Bonanza! > > [list] > [li]The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat. [/li] Stelios, great jokes…but what on earth does this mean? Some Britishism, perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/36 "2012-04-30T22:15:45Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > Stelios, great jokes…but what on earth does this mean? Some Britishism, perhaps? It’s a play on Britishisms. He is putting cum on a dog treat. Which the dog then eats. Thereby swallowing his…you get it. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/37 "2012-04-30T22:22:45Z")
Q: What do you say to a black Jew? A: Get to the back of the oven. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/38 "2012-04-30T22:28:03Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Not offensive, merely tasteless: > > What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve? > > Christopher Walken This is one of my all time favorites. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/39 "2012-04-30T22:36:03Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > What do you call a quadriplegic in your swimming pool? > > Bob. > > What do you call a quadriplegic lying on your doorstep? > > Matt. What do you call a quadriplegic hanging on the wall? Art. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403/40 "2012-04-30T22:40:42Z")
What’s the World’s thinnest strip of beach? Bobby Sands. What’s pink and hard first thing in the morning? a cot death [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-offensive-jokes/620403.md?page=3)