ROAR!!! 
[Pipe-smoking tiger] And how are you doing? [/Pipe-smoking tiger]
Two nights ago I dreamt of going to a ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’ movie with my folks. One reel in, the movie was switched to a movie about… A vampire giraffe. And it was a sequel.
The weirdest one I’ve had lately had sort of a reality-TV feel to it. I was on a team inside a huge, I mean absolutely massive, mansion. Very dark and creepy. We had to get out of the mansion before the other team, known to be Very Evil People, got out. I think the people who got out first would win the mansion or something. So most of the dream involved running through this mansion, disoriented, trying to find a way out and having occasional encounters with the Very Evil People, who were led by Burt Reynolds.
Anyway, the Very Evil People got out first, seconds before us. Hiss. We came out, dejected, only to see them being led away in handcuffs. Burt Reynolds looked at me & said he was related to me, and that since he was going off to jail the house was mine and I could have a “shopping spree” in it. I went inside and found myself in a Wal-Mart-ish type place, with aisles and toys and CDs set among the mansion furniture… very strange. And I had a shopping cart. So, I went on a shopping spree inside the mansion. Got a ton of CDs and food and lots of stuffed animals.
It was almost disappointing to wake up. I had lots of fun in that dream.
If I put away laundry right before bed, I have nightmares about laundry. Sometimes they are only vaguely related, like getting stuck in the laundry room at my parents and the iron tipping over and spewing water everywhere until I was standing in feet of it. Sometimes they are solely about laundry, where I’m going through ffresh laundry and I can’t find anything that isn’t stained.
I was tied to the railroad tracks in true “old movie” style, and Thomas the Tank Engine was about to run over me. Sir Topham Hatt was looking on and laughing maniacally.
I dreamt that I had to give a speech about something I knew nothing about to VIPs, whilst wearing a strappy black dress and silver heels. Afterwards,Tom Baker berates me for going out dressed like that.
I’ve also provoked a Weird-Ass Dream in another. I was a medieval history freak in high school, and told my friend all about the various murders and betrayals that the Plantagenets went in for. That night she dreamt that herself, me, a male friend and Richard III were all chasing each other around a dungeon. Suddenly we all stopped and she yelled, “Who here has Leprosy!?!” :eek:
The most recent weird dream was… well, really weird:
I was married to (current) President Bush’s son (also a George, of course) but apparently carrying on an affair with El Prez himself. I was lying in bed, with the President lying next to me. I looked over at him, and said, “I just realized, I’m lying in bed with the most powerful man in the world” (good grief). He put his arm around me, when his secretary came in. She give me a dirty look and told him that people were waiting for him to give his speech. At first he tried to brush her off but she reminded him that he had responsibilities, and that people were counting on him. He got dressed and walked out.
I decided to get dressed, but was suddenly standing in front of the door of a house. I opened the door and walked up the steps. There was a man sitting in front of his computer. He turned around and asked me who the hell I was. I held up my cellphone, which showed his phone number, and his name (Chris), on the display. I introduced myself as someone he had been talking to online. I went up another flight of stairs into an attic type space and was looking out the window. I looked down, and there was a black sedan parked in the snow outside. One of the passengers looked up and saw me, and jumped out of the car. “Oh my god! It’s you!” He exclaimed. “You two are so stupid. Now we’re going to sell the pictures to every tabloid in America. Just think what your mother will think!” I realize that these people somehow got pictures of me with the President, but I gave him the finger and headed back downstairs.
And then I woke up.
And I’m not even a Bush supporter.
Shudder
Shudder Shudder
Where’s the pukey smiley when I need it?
Back in high school, I dreamed that I’d won a drawing for an evening with Michael Jordon. This in itself was strange, because I don’t care about basketball or Mr. Jordon in the slightest. Well, we chatted over dinner at some fancy restaurant, it was a nice evening, and afterwards he dropped me off at home. The next morning (in the dream), I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to discover that my period had just started. Apparently, I’d forgotten to lock the door, because just then a nurse (huh?) walked in to put away some towels. “Oh, thank God,” she said. What? I was completely confused. She explained to me that apparently Mr. Jordon had been busy spending the wee hours telling all and sundry that we’d slept together. It was in all the papers, everybody knew, and she was releived to see that I had my period because it meant that I wasn’t pregnant with Michael Jordon’s love child.
Then I woke up, wondering what the hell that was all about.
Last night was a doozy.
My friend Jon and I joined the Army along with our friend Bill… who in real life just got out…
In the dream the army is like one big beach party… in the city park near where I grew up. The girls were in bikinis.
Our Drill Instructors who all looked like middle school teachers… had us stand in a semi-circle and tell a little bit about ourselves. I had planned on making this joke abut only joining the army because I wanted to drive giant robots. So when it came time for me to speak I did the joke and demanded to know where the giant robots were. Everyone cracks up. The laughter is so loud that I can’t really hear what my instructor is saying to me, all I can make out is “school uniforms”… so I assume she is making some Sailor Moon reference… So I make another Sailor Moon joke… and it bombs… nobody has any clue what I am talking about… I try to explain but that just makes things worse… I decide at that point that I might as well wake up now.
Oh, I got one! I just woke up about ten minutes ago, so this one is still fresh with wet paint.
It was a dream about Dopers.
I dreamt I was in a huge, colourful maze, made of yellow plastic tubes, red plastic do-hickeys, and blue plastic thingamabobs. (I don’t know what they did, they were levers and buttons and gears and junk). The floor was made of grass, as though the maze were sitting in a field, and I could always see the sky above me; blue with little wisps of cloud.
So I wander through the maze, and a pretty girl with long curly hair is running toward me. It’s Anaamika! She is scolding me for being late. (How white rabbit of her!) She grabs my hand and we run through the maze. I ask her where I am, and she tells me I’m in MPSIMS. She leads me to a huge grassy field just outside of the maze and tells me I’m supposed to start here. I look around.
Nearby, playing miniature golf, is Ghanima, CandidGamera, iampunha, and Hal Briston. (I don’t know how I know this, it just is. Everyone had kind of a vague look to them). Off in the distance was a huge coliseum-type building, with flames shooting from the top of it. That, of course, was the Pit. Nearby, I saw people (didn’t recognise) playing chess in Great Debates, and a swordfight between Wesley Clark and several Dopers at once going on in In My Humble Opinion. There was a large garbage dump on the horizon, where I saw a bulldozer, operated by a lovely girl carrying a tuba (hmm), dumping screaming people into it. They weren’t screaming because they were scared, they were screaming nasty things. These people were being banned.
So Anaamika says we have to earn out new “badges”. When I ask what sort of badges, she asks me if I know about the Doper Brats, and I say yes. She says they are sort of like that, only they are more useful. These “badges” are stamped on our tummy! Anaamika shows me hers. It says “Official Doper Gay and Lesbian Supporter” and under that, in smaller writing, it says, “For Honourable Discharge of Count Chocula.” So apparently, the chocolatey Count did not suport out Gay and Lesbian community. I asked where I signed up, because I wanted to support this cause. She pointed me over to a desk. Rue De Day was here, handing out papers and telling everyone long stories if they needed information. I took a paper. It was a quest!
First I had to go over and play a round of miniature golf. The only one left there was Ghanima, and he was pretty good. When I asked to see his “badge”, he showed me the same Doper Gay and Lesbian Supporter as Anaamika’s, but his said “Slayer of the Bigoted Dragon”. I was so jealous. I wanted to slay a dragon, too! But he told me I had to win this round of golf first.
So I played, and I won! Next on my list, I had to find my way to the other side of the MPSIMS maze. This involved solving puzzles, riding on conveyer belts, swinging over pits of alligators on ropes (Pitfall, ha!). As I was riding by on one conveyor belt, I saw Anaamika playing an interesting looking game involving a paddle, and CandidGamera was throwing a strange looking object toward her that she had to hit. It looked pretty intense. When I got to the end of the maze, Harimad-Sol was there, and I told her what I just saw. She told me that Anaamika was working on a bigger badge, the coveted “Doper Gay and Lesbian Supporter Problem Solver” badge. Ooooh. I leave Harimad-Sol because she has to go in another direction, and wander into some woods. I retrieve a little golden locket from a stump. When I open the locket, it contains a tiny rolled up piece of paper. When I read this, it says that to finish my quest, I must find a great, pink lesbian dragon in the middle of the woods. I must then protect her from all enemies who come in to slay her.
So, I eventually find my way through the woods, all by myself, thinking to myself how life never works out the way you think it will. I mean, I had wanted to slay a dragon, but here I was going in to protect one. (uh huh. Life is strange sometimes.) So I find her, and she is beautiful. She is huge, and pink, and sparkles, and has little wings. She is pleased to see me. She doesn’t speak. Suddenly a bunch of men come running in with big swords and maces and clubs, and rush toward the dragon. This makes me mad. Let the lesbian dragon live in peace! So, somehow, I started blowing myself up, bigger, and bigger, and bigger. I kept getting taller and taller, until I was taller than the dragon. Then I just flicked all those pesky men away. When there was no more danger, I shrunk back down to my normal size, feeling much more calm. The dragon was so happy, she told me to lift up my shirt (shh) so I could finally get a badge. And I did! I was given the “Official Doper Gay and Lesbian Supporter Protector of the Lesbian Dragon.”
I was so proud. I couldn’t wait to get back to MPSIMS and show everyone my badge.
And then in real life, the phone rang and woke me up. So there you go. My weird ass Doper dream.
The mind wobbles.
Oh! I almost forgot!
When I first started walking toward the woods, a helicopter flew overhead and stopped. When I looked up, Johnny L.A. was flying it, and Inigo Montoya was looking at me from the “passenger” side, and he yelled down,
IM: “We’re going to slay some witches!”
Me: “What?” (it was loud. there was a helicopter over my head).
IM: “We’re. Going. To. Slay. Some. Witches!”
Me: “Slay some what?”
IM: “WITCHES!”
Me: “OH! I thought you said ‘bitches’!”
IM: “No, we’re going to get some of those after!”
They laugh and fly off. I laugh, too. I continue to the woods.
And that’s my deleted scene.
Anastasaeon, you really, really need to get out more. Seriously.
Oh, yeah, and I once dreamed that Anthony Hopkins, a mouse and I broke my dad out of jail using a small seaplane.
Indeed, it wobbles. I only remember one dream involving Dopers. (Sort of.)
I was in my neighbors’ yard for some reason, and noticed that, under their porch, they had a big, stainless-steel dog dish, on which was stenciled: “JARBABY.”
I thought to myself, ‘jarbabyj will be amused to hear that my neighbors’ dog is named “Jarbaby.”’
As I was thinking this, I began to wonder what kind of dog would be named “Jarbaby.” I look around and see, first, a heavy-duty chain spiked to the ground at one end and loose at the other end, and then-- that the yard was littered with dogshit. Not just any dogshit, mind: Mighty dogshit.
At that point, I began to question why I was in my neighbors’ yard, and became concerned about how to get out, quietly.
Wakey-wakey.
I agree. Between the MMORPGs and the Dope and my own conflicted sexuality, this dream was inevitable.
But I am a bit of an agoraphobe. 
I had to go to the Mid-North Coast of New South Wales (a few hundred miles from Sydney) to meet my new girlfriend. She was fair and a bit chubby , and she was also borderline intellectually disabled. She also had a son that looked Aboriginal or Indian or something, and he was a sweet kid. This was arranged by my family. I was worried about my real wife and son, but in the dream for some reason I couldn’t afford to waste time thinking about that - this was a done deal and I had to go along with it (in real life, my family loves my SO, but this was a dream so weirdness abounds). I had to bring this woman back to Sydney… no… actually she came back alone somehow and I had to meet her again here. It gets weirder now…
I had her horrible tiny dog with me. I had to give it to her back in Sydney. I was on a bus to Bondi, holding this dog in my arms, in case it ran away. Surprisingly, the dog didn’t, and seemed to enjoy being held by a stranger. This was a relief - one less thing to worry about. I had to meet the woman at an apartment at Bondi Beach. The bus came down Bondi Road towards the coast, but failed to take the left-hander to the beach, and ran off the road and over the cliff on the headland south of the beach. I was scared for a moment until I realised the bus wasn’t plummeting to the rocks below. It wasn’t exactly flying either, but it fell at a controlled speed - uncomfortable, but not enough to hurt us. We hit the water, and then the bus began to act like a boat. We might have been 300 metres offshore, and the driver turned us around, and there, in the water on solid concrete piers were huge highrise Hong Kong style apartment blocks - just sticking out of the water. The only access to their front doors was by boat (or in our case, bus). They were all brand new and tacky in a Las Vegas kind of way. Except that is for two of the towers which were of 70s construction and very tacky indeed. It was in one of these that my new brainless wife was waiting for me.
I got into the lobby, and it was all 70s wood panelling and scuffed up threadbare orange carpet. I entered the elevator and went to her floor. I still had this bloody dog in my arms. I got out of the elevator, but the floor was a rabbit warren of halls and corridors, and it took ages to find her apartment. In the meantime, the dog finally got tired of being held and wanted to get down. I couldn’t allow this, because I was a stranger and the dog was in a strange place, so it would run off. So I held the dog tighter against its struggling. It responded by sinking its teeth into my hand, and holding on tightly. Blood was pouring out of my hand. I arrived at this woman’s front door. And thankfully woke up.
I had two last night worth remembering:
-
The whole country was divided into zombies and not-yet-zombies. I was part of the not-yet contingent and we were trying to fake our way around. Eventually both sides called a truce, but then the zombie side broke it and I’m pretty sure they got us all in the end. And I haven’t even seen the new Land of the Dead yet.
-
I was in a movie theater with a friend, with obnoxious, loud people all around. Then some chick in front of me stood up and took a picture of the screen with her camera. I kicked the back of her seat and told her to sit down. She told me to eff off and I called her a bitch.
Aren’t dreams fun?
(First off, I’m NOT in this dream, just watching)
And it’s a music video.
It begins, with an instrumental opening for ‘Feeling Groovy.’ I don’t normally dream with musical accompaniment, but this time it happened, and let me just say, right here, it REALLY adds something to the experience.
And has a guy, James Garner, and a girl walking along…
James Garner is doing narration about how the guy has no shot with the girl. While the guy and the girl run off - with the music playing, still. At this point I’m thinking, cool, Garner’s going to keep narrating like a clueless chap, and they’re going to make him a fool, then show up at the end of the music, and make it appear they’d never been anywhere.
Boy was I wrong.
(FTR: I have no suicidal ideation. Honest.)
Now the song begins in earnest… while they’re walking in a city, and the video starts going from photographic to very realistic animation…
And the guy and girl are all over each other… hold hands, hugging, and stopping to kiss each other along the way.
Though, every so often something catches the girl’s interest, and she watches what’s going on around them. (And the music usually stops for these parts) I should mention they’re going through an urban landscape, and one that’s pretty run down, too. For myself, I’d say downtown Utica, but that’s an opinion that’s several years out of date. Now, what usually caught the girl’s attention was something bad, a kid getting beat up, an abandoned house - that sort of thing.
Then the guy grabs her, and they go on, and the music keeps playing…
But the video keeps devolving, from realistic animation to anime style, to B&W with flashes of color.
That last change comes as night falls in the city, and they see a shoot out at a Woolworth’s. Blue and Red strobing from the cop cars, but that’s the only color…
And when the cops and bad guys are hit, it’s messy, but all black. I mean majorly messy, too. Big scribbles of black coming out of the cops and the bad guys. And, of course, in B&W it’s hard to say which is which, so the last view of them all is four bodies bleeding out on the ground between the cop car and the front of the store.
Mind you, this is still with ‘Feeling Groovy’ playing as the soundtrack - the only soundtrack. No gunshots, no conversation. Just ‘Feeling Groovy.’
Now the video makes the last shift to pretty much charcoal scribbles for the two main characters - shapes and outlines, but only different shades of grey for anything else…
They come to a teetertotter and before they get on it, they toss a rope over a tree limb above it… then they both do something with the rope, and you can’t really tell, because there’s not much detail…
Then they start playing on the teetertotter, and then the girl gets stuck up in the air first, then the guy, and you suddenly realize they’re both hanging by their necks… and the last view is a close up on the girl’s death’s head smile in stark b&w…
As ‘Feeling Groovy’ ends.
Now, I don’t know whether this dream was so effed up because of the sound track, or not. But I have to give the little ironist in the back of my head full points for the WORST soundtrack for double suicide I’ve ever heard of.
I’m always back in either high-school (where I don’t know my locker combination and don’t know which class to go to first) or in college (again, not knowing what building or what class I’m supposed to be in).
Once, I dreamed I was having sex with a Barbie doll. It didn’t bother me. She was TIGHT!
Then there is the one where I’m sitting with my pals in the lobby of a hotel, listening to some old bat drone on and on about flowers or something and the guy sitting next to me is playing “air-solitaire”…