# Shaving your nuts with a cheese grater **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2017, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751 "2017-07-20T19:54:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/1 "2017-07-20T19:54:44Z")
Not the best idea I ever had. Shaving cream helps a bit, but not the mentholated kind. That just makes it worse. To be fair to myself; I was going to test the grater on my legs first, but it’s cargo shorts weather and I didn’t want to go out in public all smooth-shanked. I’m not that European. Also, never let a friend cut your hair with a weed-whacker. That way madness lies. So, what grooming tips do you have to share? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/2 "2017-07-20T20:53:10Z")
Don’t pierce your ears on a drill press. In fact, don’t pierce your anything on a drill press. And it’s also a bad idea to use a belt sander to give yourself a pedicure. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/3 "2017-07-20T20:54:00Z")
Full body electrolysis via toaster-in-bathtub works. Once. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/4 "2017-07-20T21:10:54Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Full body electrolysis via toaster-in-bathtub works. > > Once. Shocking! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/5 "2017-07-20T21:22:23Z")
Also to avoid: Sticking your dick into a coffee grinder and hitting the “ON” button. ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/6 "2017-07-20T21:26:03Z")
Been taking home ec tips from Mortricia Addams, have we? ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/7 "2017-07-20T21:29:16Z")
[I hate it when that happens!](http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xp2onq) ---
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/8 "2017-07-20T21:29:52Z")
Or clipping your toenails with a riding-mower. Jeez, the things we do for love. Right? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/9 "2017-07-20T21:32:17Z")
Super-gluing your hair in place saves you the price of a new comb or brush…and it stays clean and shiny for _months_. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/10 "2017-07-20T21:39:00Z")
If I knew it was going this kind of party, I’d stick my dick in the mashed potatos! ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/11 "2017-07-20T21:40:58Z")
I tried that once with a small grater, but it took too long. Now I just put them in a food processor. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/12 "2017-07-20T21:43:19Z")
♬ _Shave his nuts with an old cheese grater! Shave his nuts with an old cheese grater! Shave his nuts with an old cheese grater! Ear-lie in the morning!_ ♬ ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/13 "2017-07-20T21:43:46Z")
Step 1: Shave your head. Do it in a poorly lit bathroom. Don’t notice that you look like a plucked chicken, bleeding from a hundred cuts. Step 2 a: Immediately go to a job interview. Step 2 b: Talk to a pretty lady. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/14 "2017-07-20T22:55:31Z")
I clean my bunghole with an ice auger and a fire hose. Clean as a whistle! ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/15 "2017-07-21T05:48:02Z")
If you wash your hair in a public urinal, remove the urinal cake prior to shampooing, or it will leave your hair brittle and lifeless. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/16 "2017-07-21T14:19:46Z")
Flossing your teeth with a chainsaw is a truly memorable experience. ---
**Author:** ![Teuton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teuton/32/3864_2.png) [@Teuton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teuton)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/17 "2017-07-21T14:38:01Z")
I read a story a while about a guy who was pleasuring himself on some industrial machinery (as you do) when it slipped and ripped his scrotum open, and he stapled it shut with a staple gun. And to my surprise, it’s actually true! Snopes link in the spoiler box, as it is very much a nsfw read, although there aren’t any photos. [http://www.snopes.com/medical/emergent/stapled.asp](http://www.snopes.com/medical/emergent/stapled.asp) ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/18 "2017-07-21T14:38:59Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > I clean my bunghole with an ice auger and a fire hose. Clean as a whistle! When I’m constipated, I use a plunger. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/19 "2017-07-21T14:39:25Z")
> [@Enola\_Straight](#): > > Flossing your teeth with a chainsaw is a truly memorable experience. On the other hand, brainwashing via Maytag is _not_. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751/20 "2017-07-21T15:06:37Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > When I’m constipated, I use a plunger. A better way would be to sit on a piece of cheese, and swallow a live rat. (Peanut butter also works, and you can use a mouse if a rat is too big.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaving-your-nuts-with-a-cheese-grater/791751.md?page=2)