# She said "No"; did she mean, "Yes"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915 "2013-03-03T14:32:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/41 "2013-03-03T21:08:02Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > But the bigger issue to me is why you haven’t let this go in 6 months. You are at the perfect age to be looking for dates. There are lots of divorced women out there. There are lots of single women out there. In six months you should have had plenty of opportunities to meet other women. It’s not quite that easy for some people. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/42 "2013-03-03T21:53:05Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > It’s not quite that easy for some people. > > At least, that’s what I’ve heard. I was purusing a dating website recently seeing what was in my area. You can look/search without registering/paying if you don’t want to contact potential dates but just look. Out of about 2000 entries maybe a handful or two looked tolerable. Not great, tolerable. And I’m not even particularly picky. Throw in trying to get them to date me, finding out what they are like in person, or their crazyness or drug/alchohol problems, their crazy kids, or just general personality/intellect/interests that turns me off, and I suspect my local pickings would become slim indeed. And this search covered an area of about a million folks within reasonable driving distance. Given my track record I’d need at least two dozen just to get one date. And I doubt she’d be my lost soul mate or me hers. Yeah, there are lots of singles out there. Singles that might be a decent match? Not so sure on that one. Though, I do agree with view that the OP needs to move on. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/43 "2013-03-03T22:30:54Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > But the bigger issue to me is why you haven’t let this go in 6 months. Actually, it’s my SIL and brother who haven’t let it go. As indicated in my OP, they’re suggesting I ring her; I haven’t. Both are people of normally excellent judgement. Therefore the question arises, “Am I being foolish?” Well, even more foolish than usual. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![solosam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@solosam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solosam)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/44 "2013-03-03T22:35:23Z")
Dude, “no” means “no.” As above, you must carefully consider whether she is above the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal on the Hot/Crazy Scale. ([http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c390/droogin\_leader2006/hotCrazyScaleExample.jpg](http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c390/droogin_leader2006/hotCrazyScaleExample.jpg)) Only proceed if her hotness acceptably exceeds her craziness. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/45 "2013-03-03T22:44:24Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Actually, it’s my SIL and brother who haven’t let it go. As indicated in my OP, they’re suggesting I ring her; I haven’t. Both are people of normally excellent judgement. Therefore the question arises, “Am I being foolish?” Well, even more foolish than usual. 😃 Let me get this straight; This woman, after six months of no contact, told your SIL to tell your brother to tell you to call her. Did she do that? I bet she didn’t. Bro & SIL need to have the facts from your side (“I asked her on second date, she cried”). They need to explain what’s changed that you should risk another weird rejection. They need to confirm whether this woman actually does want to hear from you and why _she can’t ring you_ and apologise for the weirdness. And I would leave it there; if she’s interested again, she needs to make the move. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/46 "2013-03-03T23:10:42Z")
> [@maggenpye](#): > > Let me get this straight; This woman, after six months of no contact, told your SIL to tell your brother to tell you to call her. > > Did she do that? > > I bet she didn’t. I have no idea one way or t’other. > [@](#): > > Bro & SIL need to have the facts from your side (“I asked her on second date, she cried”). They need to explain what’s changed that you should risk another weird rejection. They need to confirm whether this woman actually does want to hear from you and why _she can’t ring you_ and apologise for the weirdness. I have pointed out the last to my brother & SIL. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/47 "2013-03-04T00:14:17Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I don’t understand this story at all. You say she broke down in tears like it’s something unusual or concerning, but is one of potential reactions to someone asking you out on a second date. It makes as much sense as if she’d replied “ooga booga”. Then would you say, “She said ooga booga, should I ask her out again?” Yes, exactly. The OP just kind of blithely passes over that bit as though it’s par for the course. I’m intrigued by this, and want to know more. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/48 "2013-03-04T00:19:53Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Well, she’s in her early 40s, divorced for over a year, is a vegetarian, and has a child in the same school but not same class as my niece. I’m not sure how any of this explains the batshit crazy behavior. Run away, sometimes continued virginity beats the alternative. And just for future reference, crying “nos” are like super extra no. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/49 "2013-03-04T01:35:03Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > It’s not quite that easy for some people. > > At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Which is the real issue, I suspect. It’s easier for the OP to follow-up on this existing contact rather than make a new connection, even though this one’s questionable. I agree with **WhyNot** that she may have been having a bad day, but I think if that were it the brother and his wife would know. Someone trying to re-establish contact would test the waters with a “so, I’m guessing Quartz has told you I’m insane - here’s what happened.” A sane person would realize her behavior would spook a guy and try to smooth things over; a nut wouldn’t because crying while rejecting a near stranger just means it’s Thursday - why hasn’t he called, damn it! ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/50 "2013-03-04T01:51:23Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > It’s not quite that easy for some people. > > At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Maybe not, but between the short term options of screwing up the courage to get out and meet people (hard) and going out again with crazy (easy), in the the long run option A will prove to be easier in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/51 "2013-03-04T01:53:32Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > I agree with **WhyNot** that she may have been having a bad day, but I think if that were it the brother and his wife would know. Someone trying to re-establish contact would test the waters with a “so, I’m guessing Quartz has told you I’m insane - here’s what happened.” A sane person would realize her behavior would spook a guy and try to smooth things over; a nut wouldn’t because crying while rejecting a near stranger just means it’s Thursday - why hasn’t he called, damn it! That’s exactly what I was trying to decide if I should bother to say. Maybe her grandma had just died. In that case, of course she can randomly burst into tears. If she’s not nuts though, there is a 0% chance she wouldn’t eventually realize that she needs to explain that if she wants people to think she’s not necessarily insane. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/52 "2013-03-04T02:32:04Z")
I’m going to agree with \*\*WhyNot \*\*on one condition. If your brother and/or sister-in-law think it’s such a good idea, let them do the setting up. Make it a double date for dinner or a movie or something like that. If she melts down or goes crazy or something, at least you’ll have the satisfaction of holding that over them for years to come. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/53 "2013-03-04T02:43:03Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > But then I’m a 46 year old virgin who’s clueless about women. This seems like a buried lead, unless you were kidding about this part. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/54 "2013-03-04T02:56:31Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I don’t understand this story at all. You say she broke down in tears like it’s something unusual or concerning, but is one of potential reactions to someone asking you out on a second date. It makes as much sense as if she’d replied “ooga booga”. Then would you say, “She said ooga booga, should I ask her out again?” He might, if his brother and sister in law said, “you should ask her out again; I don’t think ‘ooga booga’ meant anything.” ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/55 "2013-03-04T03:04:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This seems like a buried lead, unless you were kidding about this part. Yeah, that’s not a road you want to go down… ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/56 "2013-03-04T03:13:36Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I have no idea one way or t’other. > > I have pointed out the last to my brother & SIL. So you don’t know if she even \*wants \*to hear from you? Don’t waste any more of your time on this situation. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/57 "2013-03-04T04:23:19Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > He might, if his brother and sister in law said, “you should ask her out again; I don’t think ‘ooga booga’ meant anything.” There is a Zugg Zugg or Snoo Snoo joke in here somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/58 "2013-03-04T04:44:20Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This seems like a buried lead, unless you were kidding about this part. “lede” > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > WHAT? Dude, no. This is a no. Jesus… So, “yes”? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/59 "2013-03-04T05:13:04Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > WHAT? Dude, no. This is a no. Jesus… What she said. > [@Quartz](#): > > Actually, it’s my SIL and brother who haven’t let it go. As indicated in my OP, they’re suggesting I ring her; I haven’t. Both are people of normally excellent judgement. Therefore the question arises, “Am I being foolish?” Well, even more foolish than usual. 😃 They need to let it go. If she wanted to see you again, she knows where to find you. As for being a 46 year old virgin, dude, [you’ve got to get on that.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcWQVsGqycY) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/60 "2013-03-04T07:00:13Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > Maybe not, but between the short term options of screwing up the courage to get out and meet people (hard) and going out again with crazy (easy), in the the long run option A will prove to be easier in my opinion. I don’t speak for the OP, but there’s more to it than just courage. There are real skills and abilities involved. To some people, it seems to come as easily as breathing, but not to all. > [@billfish678](#): > > There is a Zugg Zugg or Snoo Snoo joke in here somewhere… Wow, now there’s an old and obscure reference. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915.md?page=4)