# She said "No"; did she mean, "Yes"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915 "2013-03-03T14:32:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/61 "2013-03-04T07:26:14Z")
> [@maggenpye](#): > > So you don’t know if she even \*wants \*to hear from you? Don’t waste any more of your time on this situation. Well, the sister in law certainly thinks she does. Then again, she may not have any more of an idea than the OP does… ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/62 "2013-03-04T07:51:09Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This seems like a buried lead, unless you were kidding about this part. It’s neither, simply a statement of fact. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/63 "2013-03-04T07:52:39Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Well, the sister in law certainly thinks she does. \*\* Then again, she may not have any more of an idea than the OP does…\*\* Exactly (the bolded part). It might just seem like a good idea, when you’re not either one of the people involved. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/64 "2013-03-04T08:03:06Z")
You know [that sound the Flintstone’s feet](http://www.soundboard.com/mediafiles/NTk5MTQ0Nzk4NTk5MTk2_kZuoJSm1boE.MP3)would make when they were getting ready to run away and their feet were spinning so fast they looked like a pinwheel? Your feet need to make that sound. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/65 "2013-03-04T14:25:35Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > It’s neither, simply a statement of fact. So how are you feeling now, regarding the advice you’ve been given, about calling her back up? If you do call her be sure and let us know how it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/66 "2013-03-04T14:34:52Z")
**Quartz** , do you even _want_ to go out with this woman? Do you have sexual feelings, either toward her or even in general? You haven’t mentioned _even one time_ how this situation **makes you feel**. For a 46-year-old virgin, you seem awfully blase about this. I’ve been single for 3 1/2 months, and I’m going bonkers… ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/67 "2013-03-04T14:48:50Z")
I see this on message boards a lot. The OP will get lots of feed back to the original question but provides very little information past that. Mostly just yes or nos. I’d be curious myself to know more about the OPs feelings in this. > [@astro](#): > > You know [that sound the Flintstone’s feet](http://www.soundboard.com/mediafiles/NTk5MTQ0Nzk4NTk5MTk2_kZuoJSm1boE.MP3)would make when they were getting ready to run away and their feet were spinning so fast they looked like a pinwheel? Interesting cartoon trivia: that sound is called ‘temple block riot (medium)’. [http://www.stockmusic.com/sound\_effects/cartoon\_\_comedy/comedy\_percussion\_wood\_blocks?snd\_id=321476](http://www.stockmusic.com/sound_effects/cartoon__comedy/comedy_percussion_wood_blocks?snd_id=321476) ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/68 "2013-03-04T14:55:14Z")
Don’t bother unless she asks about you again and in a very specific way, like “is Quartz still single? He seemed nice.” And tell your brother and sister-in-law this. They’re probably just trying to be helpful, but it’s not working. Glad to see you’re putting your feet in the water again, though. I think you’ll make a great partner to someone someday. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/69 "2013-03-04T18:54:32Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > So how are you feeling now, regarding the advice you’ve been given, about calling her back up? If you do call her be sure and let us know how it goes. I am not going to be making contact. > [@hrhomer](#): > > **Quartz** , do you even _want_ to go out with this woman? She seemed nice. I enjoyed her company. > [@](#): > > Do you have sexual feelings, either toward her or even in general? There was no instant reaction, but be assured that I do have sexual feelings. > [@](#): > > You haven’t mentioned _even one time_ how this situation **makes you feel**. I deliberately didn’t say. But since you ask, I enjoyed her company. > [@](#): > > For a 46-year-old virgin, you seem awfully blase about this. I’ve been single for 3 1/2 months, and I’m going bonkers… I’ve had decades to get used to it. > [@SciFiSam](#): > > I think you’ll make a great partner to someone someday. Stop that! 😃 You’re making me blush! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/70 "2013-03-04T19:23:52Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > WHAT? Dude, no. This is a no. Jesus… > [@gigi](#): > > So, “yes”? Ha! This is great because it’s almost exactly how I read this OP. Quartz: Wanna go out? Woman: No! Quartz: So… yes? Glad you’re not going to be making contact. Wise choice. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/71 "2013-03-04T20:14:18Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > Also, never, ever assume no means yes. Even if it does life is too short for games. There’s also the potential for serious trouble to come out of rank miscommunication. I have to disagree with Whynot. She’s an adult. If she’s letting embarrassment over a bad day hold her back, I’m not sure she’s ready for a relationship anyway. My approach would be, if SIL brings it up again, just tell her that this woman told you no, but if she has changed her mind, you’d be totally fine with her reaching out to you again. SIL can pass that info along and the woman can decide for herself what she wants to do with it. But really, the reversal has to come directly from her, not from SIL or you. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/72 "2013-03-04T20:21:59Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Ha! This is great because it’s almost exactly how I read this OP. > > Quartz: Wanna go out? > Woman: No! > Quartz: So… yes? > > Glad you’re not going to be making contact. Wise choice. Why do I keep getting the feeling more and more that you, MeanOldLady, should be the only one around here with posting privileges? ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/73 "2013-03-04T21:00:07Z")
I agree with the person who said If your in-laws want you two to get together, they should set up dinner or something. And it _is_ “bury the lead.” ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/74 "2013-03-04T21:22:53Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I am not going to be making contact. Good for you. I’m glad you listened to your fellow dopers advise. You seem like a nice guy, I hope you find someone soon to share your time with. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/75 "2013-03-04T23:15:13Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > “lede” No, [lead](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lede?s=t). ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/76 "2013-03-04T23:40:41Z")
**Wadsworth** : Sorry, I meant “no” meaning “yes.” **Colonel Mustard** : “‘No’ meaning ‘yes’?!?” ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/77 "2013-03-05T00:53:55Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Your uncontrollable sobbing fit is saying “no”, but your eyes are saying “yes”? I’m putting that in my wedding vows. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/78 "2013-03-05T01:20:51Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > And it _is_ “bury the lead.” > [@elfkin477](#): > > No, [lead](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lede?s=t). I guess neither of you are journalists. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/79 "2013-03-05T03:16:26Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Your uncontrollable sobbing fit is saying “no”, but your eyes are saying “yes”? Is it wrong that I mentally read this in the voice of Pam Poovey, followed by Cheryl saying, “Sploosh!”? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915/80 "2013-03-05T03:27:28Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > No, [lead](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lede?s=t). Yeah, “lede” is newspaper jargon. Interesting [story about it here](http://howardowens.com/2011/09/18/lede-vs-lead/). I learned the “lede” spelling in journalism classes, but it’s always looked a bit dumb to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/she-said-no-did-she-mean-yes/651915.md?page=5)