# She's black I'm white; GET THE FUCK OVER IT!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 4, 2004, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063 "2004-12-04T15:19:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/61 "2004-12-06T00:32:34Z")
> [@Hyperelastic](#): > > I’m sure somebody, somewhere is a “victim of racism” right now. I’m equally sure that somebody, somewhere is being hypersensitive and needs to stop viewing every little bit of unfairness as racism. You can pull this “racism is everywhere, even if you don’t see it” crap with a lot of white liberals looking for reasons to hate themselves, but it ain’t gonna work with me. If America were as racist as Jesse Jackson says it is, I’d have a long assault and battery record from going after people who were hassling my wife and kid. Your mistake is assuming that all races are on the receiving of racism equally. An Asian female is not perceived the same way that a black male is. Her experience on the street is likely going to be different than mine, a black woman. A white-Asian relationship is not identical in the minds of most people to a white-black pairing. There is a racial hierarchy in this country, and Asians are not on the bottom of it. A lot of people give white-Asian couples a pass but will wrinkle their nose in disdain at a white-black couple. I don’t extrapolate my experience with interracial relationships to _all_ interracial relationships. I’m surprised anyone would do that, quite frankly. There are so many variables that can affect how it all goes, such as geography, the races involved, the races of the genders, and the individuals themselves. In my age group, interracial dating is not all that big of a deal. In my parents generation, it is a Subject of Great Concern. It you come in contact with a lot of older people, your experience is going to differ from a couple exposed to a mostly younger crowd. If you live in California, your experience is going to differ than someone who lives in Texas. That’s the case no matter who you’re dating! **Hyperelastic** , if you don’t want to accept that racism is a problem, that’s fine. Just understand that your opinion is not exactly an informed one, since you’re a white guy. Having an Asian wife does not automatically bestow you with special insight into that area, 'kay? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/62 "2004-12-06T00:43:16Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > Good advice. (Great Dopername too, BTW!) I’d venture to say the bigotry would vary depending on where you are in Maryland. It’s quite a diverse state (in the sense that one county can be quite different from the next). I lived in Prince George’s County (think Bowie), which is pretty close to DC. I grew up in an upper-middle-class mostly black suburb and I got beat up (by the other kids in school) all the time for being white. I like to think it’s made me a more tolerant person because I can think back and remember how it feels to be on the receiving end of racial intolerance. My boyfriend, growing up in Beltsville, had similar experiences in school. And yet most of his friends and ex-girlfriends have been black. So apparently, those who gave him problems because of his whiteness weren’t numerous enough to color his perceptions of all black folk. Which pleases me, to say the least. > [@](#): > > My parents have told me that I shouldn’t date women of other races because my professors might look down on me and give me worse grades because of it. :rolleyes: I hope you rolled your eyes at them when they said that. That’s just a trifling comment. > [@](#): > > I think African-American and Hispanic women are beautiful. I wish I could get one–unfortunately, a lot of people here seem to divide into racial cliques. Oh well. Have you tried online dating? That’s how I met my bf. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/63 "2004-12-06T15:25:26Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Well pardon my french, but back at ya, get the fuck over it. People are entitled to their opinion, it’s a free country, and besides that we have free will. You should have know that some people are going to talk about such a relationship before you started it. Bullshit. If two people love each other it’s their business and _NOBODY ELSE’S_ . Why the fuck should anyone care about what two consenting adults share in a relationship? Nobody is entitled to an opinion on love shared by other people. If others don’t like it they can damn well keep their mouth shut, 'cause it doesn’t involve them. **SHAKES** , good for you. She sounds like a lovely lady. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/64 "2004-12-06T16:00:33Z")
> [@you with the face](#): > > Your mistake is assuming that all races are on the receiving of racism equally. An Asian female is not perceived the same way that a black male is. Her experience on the street is likely going to be different than mine, a black woman. A white-Asian relationship is not identical in the minds of most people to a white-black pairing. There is a racial hierarchy in this country, and Asians are not on the bottom of it. A lot of people give white-Asian couples a pass but will wrinkle their nose in disdain at a white-black couple. If you read my first post, I said she’s half black, half Oriental and looks black (kinky hair, wide-ish nose, is assumed black by people she meets, was never accepted by her own family and their Vietnamese friends due to being black Amerasian). But, from Americans on the street, no noses wrinkling in disdain. In fifteen years, it has been a complete non-issue. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/65 "2004-12-06T20:10:03Z")
> [@chula](#): > > I’ve always thought that black man-white woman couples faced more hostility from black women. Unfortunately, there are many more employed, educated black women than black men in this country, so black women resent it when a white woman “steals” an eligible black bachelor. It may be that I’m just more sensitive to this because I’m a white woman who has occasionally dated black men. > [@Portia](#): > > On a serious note; I am in a study group that’s got black and white men and women. I (white woman) was told by one of the black women in the group, after commenting on the attractiveness of one of the black guys, that I should ‘fish in my own pond’ and stay out of ‘hers’. This was in front of everyone and all they did was laugh. Still, I think she was serious. I just ran into this tripe (that’s what I think it is) this past weekend while visiting some friends. The roommate of one friend said that there was this rather nice black man living in her apartment, but she just saw last week that he is dating a white woman. She said that this was “such a waste.” This is coming out of the mouth of a Swarthmore College graduate. I was a bit surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Winterwren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Winterwren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winterwren)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/66 "2004-12-07T14:25:52Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > It’s interesting, because i think that the issue here is not just one of race, but of gender also. > > I remember reading an few articles a while back (i wish i could recall the magazines they were in) where black women complained about a gender double standard within sections of the black community. The general point was that black men can have white girlfriends without occasioning any comment or hostility from anyone, but as soon as a black woman starts seeing a white man, she is subjected to exactly the sort of criticism that your partner faced—being told she should stay true to her own people. > > I’m not claiming that this double standard is universal among African American men. For all i know, it might only apply to the few people whose articles i read. But, to the extent that it does occur, i think it reflects an attitude that the women of a particular community somehow belong to the men; it’s similar to white men who get all uptight at the thought of white women seeing black men. And it’s something that we need to try and get past. Data points: I’m black, and in NYC. My partner is white; in fact, all my male SOs have been white. And I’d have to agree with those articles. Black men get stud points for getting white women. Hell, white men get stud points for getting black women – you _know_ they’re all oversexed, so he’s got to be a real man in order to keep one – but black women are supposed to be true to their race, above and beyond all else. I’ve gotten hassled, spit at, cursed at, lectured at length about what the bible says and why I shouldn’t do this. It gets old and boring. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/67 "2004-12-07T21:43:49Z")
white here, with black wife. Married for a little over a year, together for 8 and a half years. We’ve run into far less trouble (I can only think of two or three very small comments made) than I would have imagined 8 years ago if you had told me we would wind up getting married. I think people generally entertain the idea of being preoccupied with race more than they actually are. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Vega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a9adbd/32.png) [@Lord\_Vega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Vega)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063/68 "2004-12-08T03:48:11Z")
White male (me) SO is black female. Her nephew takes great delight in introducing me as “Uncle Tom”. We havent had any problems in our small city, which is predomantly hispanic. In fact, the most grief we’ve ever taken was at a party on Nov 2nd with the above mentioned nephew when the host found out SO and I were the only republicans at the event. :eek: Cheers, Vega [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-black-im-white-get-the-fuck-over-it/278063.md?page=3)