# She's never the one to initiate text. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2015, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341 "2015-02-10T23:13:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/1 "2015-02-10T23:13:10Z")
When we text, the text is usually pretty good, in as much we both contribute to the texting. I usually walk away from our sessions feeling satiated, and I think she does too (Unless she’s faking it). The problem is, she never initiates, it makes me feel a little insecure. Are my feelings valid? Should I hold back and let _her_ initiate? Or would that be like playing stupid head games? Please advise. 😃 (And no, I’m not talking about “sex texting”. Just regular conversation. The above is just me being silly asking a serious question) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Joker\_and\_the\_Thief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@The\_Joker\_and\_the\_Thief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Joker_and_the_Thief)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/2 "2015-02-10T23:17:01Z")
She may just be expecting you to initiate, because “that’s the way it’s always been” or for some other reason. If it bothers you, bring it up with her instead of letting it fester. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/3 "2015-02-10T23:20:51Z")
How often are you texting? I’d certainly feel a bit weird if I was always the one initiating. Would hold back a little if it was me. That’s not playing games - it’s adjusting to the demand of your texts 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/4 "2015-02-10T23:30:56Z")
You’re coming off as needy in that OP. Now, if I see you as needy, imagine how She sees you. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/5 "2015-02-10T23:32:00Z")
If she wasn’t much of a texter before you, it just might not occur to her until she gets one from you. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/6 "2015-02-10T23:33:31Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > You’re coming off as needy in that OP. > > Now, if I see you as needy, imagine how She sees you. +1 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/7 "2015-02-10T23:40:38Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > You’re coming off as needy in that OP. > > Now, if I see you as needy, imagine how She sees you. Congratulations, you got the joke. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/8 "2015-02-11T02:46:06Z")
Set up a routine, then break it. For example: 1. For a week straight, text her every day after you get off work. Ask her how she is going, how her day went, how her weekend went, etc. 2. Break this routine. Don’t text her for a couple days. She expects you to initiate, is surprised that you didn’t, and will seek you out. ^^ psychological manipulation answer. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/9 "2015-02-11T02:48:58Z")
She doesn’t need to ever initiate to get things rolling. For example: 1. Text her a funny message that doesn’t require a response. “Some old lady just copped a feel at Starbucks. I feel violated.” 1. By not requiring a response, she is free to respond. And will. “LOL lucky you” 1. Now you have her attention. Next text is to ask her out that same day. “Yeah it was a bit awkward. Let’s grab a drink so you can console me. Lucky’s 8ish?” 1. She will say yes “Sure! Sounds fun. Cya there” ^^ more effective, straightforward answer ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/10 "2015-02-11T13:40:11Z")
Is this someone you have already met or are currently dating? Or someone you are texting with the objective of hoping for a meeting? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/11 "2015-02-11T13:43:53Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Congratulations, you got the joke. No, she got the joke. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to keep it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/12 "2015-02-11T15:44:05Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Is this someone you have already met or are currently dating? Or someone you are texting with the objective of hoping for a meeting? No, I was just being silly. We’re just friends. The bulk of our conversations are gossip about mutual friends, movies and what concerts are coming to town. Still though, I’m always the one that starts our conversations. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/13 "2015-02-11T18:24:18Z")
Why not try this new thing…'talking"? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/14 "2015-02-11T18:35:07Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Congratulations, you got the joke. Joke, eh? I think I see the problem: she’s always convulsing with laughter at your last witticism, and focused solely on maintaining control of her bowels. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/15 "2015-02-11T18:39:02Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > No, I was just being silly. We’re just friends. The bulk of our conversations are gossip about mutual friends, movies and what concerts are coming to town. > Still though, I’m always the one that starts our conversations. I have friends like that (both sexes). I think texting is something they don’t think about doing, but they are happy to reply. Might be an age thing for us though. ---
**Author:** ![MrsBear99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@MrsBear99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrsBear99)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/16 "2015-02-11T18:44:04Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Why not try this new thing…'talking"? Agree. I loathe texting as a form of conversation, and I generally make that known to people who text me trying to be chatty. But if I were into a guy I would probably initiate. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/17 "2015-02-11T19:01:24Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Why not try this new thing…'talking"? A lot of people like texting because it allows you to keep the conversation more casual and not have to worry about giving them your undivided attention while you’re trying to read or watch tv (or whatever). But yeah, texting isn’t meant for Earth moving conversations or anything like that, I don’t think it ever was. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2015, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/18 "2015-02-13T21:02:09Z")
\*Are you texting her slowly, with feeling or are you just pumping out a quicky whenever YOU feel like it? \*Have you ever asked her when she prefers to text? Timing is incredibly important. \*When you text, do you pay special attention to the “G” key? Fingering the “G” key just enough will bring her incredible satisfaction. Don’t overdo the “G”, though. Never text “giggle” when “g” is clearly enough. \*When you text, even though you initiate, do you make sure she finishes first - at least sometimes? Often a good conversation brings about the opportunity for several finishes over a short time period. Pulling out of the conversation too soon is a real turnoff. \*Guys - always remember that case doesn’t matter. Even if all you have to use is lower case, if you use it well she’ll remember every texting session fondly. Besides, I have heard from several women that sometimes ALL CAPS is more painful than enjoyable. Get to the point where you can answer all of these questions correctly and you’ll exceed your data plan every month! ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2015, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/19 "2015-02-13T21:09:45Z")
My wife and I used to text every day. We could hardly wait to text. But now? Once a month, maybe. She’s always too tired. The worst part is, I told this to Guinastasia and Annie XMas, and they said I was a typical passive-aggressive “nice guy” who felt “entitled” to texting. ---
**Author:** ![Tread](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Tread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tread)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2015, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341/20 "2015-02-14T22:31:41Z")
If she doesn’t seem to feel the need for your texts, you can be fairly certain she is getting enough texts from someone else. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shes-never-the-one-to-initiate-text/712341.md?page=2)