# Shhh. I'm taking a leak. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285 "2003-05-29T15:44:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/1 "2003-05-29T15:44:17Z")
The problem: I seem to have, for some reason, started in on the same pee schedule during the day as my Uber-boss. Uber-boss, for some reason, feels compelled to strike up a conversation _every time I’m trying to take a leak_. I hate that. There I am, trying to concentrate on voiding my bladder, and Dippy McDillhole starts some inane chatter about the weather, the color of the tile in the bathroom, whether the new paper towels are any good, and on and on and on. I prefer silence when I pee. Golden silence, if you will, for my golden stream. Start up a conversation, the pee crawls back up, and suddenly a routine operation becomes a nightmare of trying to get the whole process started. How in the hell can I tell him to shut up without, you know, telling him to shut up? ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/2 "2003-05-29T15:47:18Z")
So _every_ time you take a leak he is there? Maybe there’s something more going on there… ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/3 "2003-05-29T15:49:24Z")
I hate interstall chatter, welby. It’s just not right. I think you should wait for him to get mid-sentence, blurt out that Anderson in accounting has a really nice dick and suggest that he take a gander at it if the opportunity ever presents itself. ---
**Author:** ![Bandanaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@Bandanaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bandanaman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/4 "2003-05-29T15:50:31Z")
“Hey. Nice dick.” Of course, if that doeesn’t run him off, then you’ve got another problem. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/5 "2003-05-29T15:51:37Z")
I can’t offer advice, but I can commiserate. Our HR Director and I frequently end up in there at the same time. He happens to go to the same church my mother does (in fact, one of his sons is the pastor) and we went to the same church when I was about 10. Since we have that in common, he always wants to chat. When my fly is open and the goods are hangin’ out, the only conversation I’m interested in is inappropriate for the workplace. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/6 "2003-05-29T15:57:45Z")
Learn ventriloquism and throw your voice from your crotch. Have it say “Hey McDillhole, look at me when I’m talking to you!” Heh, that ought to get a rise out of him. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/7 "2003-05-29T16:00:37Z")
Easy solution. Assuming you’re standing at urinals…side by side. When he strikes up a conversation…turn to face him so you can hear him better. No reason to stop urinating in the process. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/8 "2003-05-29T16:06:56Z")
Interstall chatter’s one thing, **Juanita** , but this is inter **urinal**. At least in the stall you can kind of roll your eyes, make mimicking expressions, and stick your tongue out at the chatter. But in a urinal? Nod and smile, boys, nod and smile. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/9 "2003-05-29T16:07:59Z")
Hey, at least you’re peeing. My father-in-law has been in the hospital for two weeks because, among other things, he hasn’t been able to pee. Until yesterday. His output was NINETY-NINE OUNCES. And I’m not kidding. That said, I wouldn’t take Lieu’s advice. I’m thinking a “rise” is the last thing you want someone to get when they’re standing in front of a urinal. But that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/10 "2003-05-29T16:10:03Z")
Hey, I used to work for him! You think you’ve got it bad? My boss and I are on the same gym schedule, so at least once a week she sees me nekkid in the locker room!!! ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/11 "2003-05-29T16:18:16Z")
> [@](#): > > My boss and I are on the same gym schedule, so at least once a week she sees me nekkid in the locker room!!! Does she sit there nekkid trying to talk to you? Flashing her headlightes and jovially saying, “So, Eve, have you seen the ad layout for page 17 yet?” That could be a bit distracting. Bwa-Ha-Ha!!! ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/12 "2003-05-29T16:27:26Z")
I always find it odd when other men chat with me in the mens room. I consider it a natural process, but not a social one. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/13 "2003-05-29T16:34:39Z")
I don’t understand people who are chatty in the restroom. All I want to do is go in, use the facilities, and get out again. You wanna chat, stop me in the hall on the way out, or drop by my office. I solve the chattiness-at-the-urinal problem by using the stalls during regular working hours. **welby** , you might want to try that temporarily until your bathroom schedule and Head Honcho’s have slipped out of synch again. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/14 "2003-05-29T16:36:40Z")
Start talking before he does. Strike up a conversation with somebody named Pat. Make him wonder whether it’s a guy or a girl. Then sing. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/15 "2003-05-29T16:41:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kalhoun \* > \*\*Hey, at least you’re peeing. My father-in-law has been in the hospital for two weeks because, among other things, he hasn’t been able to pee. Until yesterday. His output was NINETY-NINE OUNCES. And I’m not kidding. > > That said, I wouldn’t take Lieu’s advice. I’m thinking a “rise” is the last thing you want someone to get when they’re standing in front of a urinal. But that’s just me. \*\* Ninety-nine ounces of pee on the wall, ninety-nine ounces of pee… take one down and pass it around… ninety-eight ounces of pee on the wall. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/16 "2003-05-29T16:44:12Z")
Is there another restroom you can use where your boss is not as likely to be in there, too? Might be worth the extra walk (as long as you don’t have to go really desperately). I just ignore anyone who even says hello until I am done. I find conversation among people with marginal acquaintence to me (most co-workers in this case) awkward enough, so doing it at the urinals makes it even more awkward. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/17 "2003-05-29T16:45:27Z")
There is a support group for people who can’t help but strike up a conversation. It’s called On and On Anon. ---
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/18 "2003-05-29T16:47:22Z")
Or just simply say: i’m sorry, boss, but i can’t releave myself if someone is talking to me…in here! ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/19 "2003-05-29T16:48:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*But in a urinal? Nod and smile, boys, nod and smile. \*\* Blimey. If you can make your boys nod and smile, I’d think that would stun anyone into silence:p ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285/20 "2003-05-29T16:48:46Z")
Straddle him from behind and exclaim “I’m nuts about you.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shhh-im-taking-a-leak/178285.md?page=2)