# Should a pregnant woman be given a seat on a crowded train? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936 "2006-08-09T00:18:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/81 "2006-08-09T18:28:55Z")
Pregnancy can be a bit of a disability in cases where your ankles get badly swollen, high blood pressure and the like. I’ll give up my seat to anyone who seems to need it more than me. Little kids so they can sit next to mum, someone with an ironing board or whatever awkward stuff they might have along with them … I don’t care if they say thanks or not. It’s both a duty and a priviledge. I’ve heard people say - oh I didn’t realise she was pregnant, I just thought she was fat! So what - give her your seat while you still can! ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/82 "2006-08-09T18:33:18Z")
[QUOTE=D\_Odds] Well, you’d have to ask me. I’ll give up my seat willingly, but quite frankly, I wouldn’t have noticed you. First, it’s exceedingly rare that I will sit on my bus and subway ride to work. I find it more comfortable standing than being wedged into a seat. I’m not a small person, I have long legs and broad shoulders. I need room. So I stand. If I’m sitting, it means that when I got on the bus or subway it was near empty. And like I do whenever I get on mass transit, I started reading. So unless you are naked or a threat, you are just not registering. True story: My wife once got on a fairly empty train and sat exactly opposite me. I didn’t notice her until we got to our stop. She thought my obliviousness was rather funny. [/QUOTE] Diversion here: On planes I always book an aisle seat, don’t like to feel hemmed it, there’s always some tall bloke on the other side with one leg stretched into the walkway. Half way through the flight I’ll ask if he wants to trade seats with me and put the other leg to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/83 "2006-08-09T18:38:41Z")
Actually, when I was taking the El downtown every day (and believe me…the Red Line at 7:30am…seats are at a premium), I would always offer my seat to a lady. Actually, any woman. I just consider it good chivalry karma, and it probably set me up for finding many easy parking spaces in the long run. If you’re a 13-40 y.o. healthy male, and not offering your seat to a woman without her asking (doesn’t matter if she’s healthy, sick, pretty, ugly, etc.), do it. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/84 "2006-08-09T18:48:37Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Maybe it’s a southern thing (I wonder what **Sampiro** , **Tuckerfan** or **Oakminster** think–but I can’t imagine being comfortable on a mass transit vehicle if I were sitting and there was a pregnant woman, or elderly/handicapped person of either gender, standing within my sight. It’s JUST NOT DONE. I don’t feel obliged to surrender my seat to women in general, but my home training is strong enough so that I’d pretty much have to under such circumstances. [/QUOTE] It’s very much the way I was raised. I’ve spent most of my life in the rural South, and like you say, there are some things that just are not done. Failing to offer a seat under these circumstances is unimaginable to me. Not only do I believe it the proper thing to do, but it’s something deeply ingrained in our culture. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/85 "2006-08-09T19:05:56Z")
If I noticed, I would offer my seat. As I tend to be in my own little world on the rare occasions that I take public transit, I don’t know how likely that it is that I’d notice. However, as soon as I did. . .I’d offer. Hell, I’d offer it to pretty much anyone standing near me; I’m just weird like that. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/86 "2006-08-09T19:18:45Z")
> [@](#): > > **Cemetery Savior** said: > If you’re a 13-40 y.o. healthy male, and not offering your seat to a woman without her asking (doesn’t matter if she’s healthy, sick, pretty, ugly, etc.), do it. Why? Women can’t stand up or something? Why should this be done? What’s the reasoning here? I’m not going for ‘It’s just polite’. I want to know **why it’s considered so polite** to treat women different than men. What’s the point? Will I die if I stand up on a subway? ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/87 "2006-08-09T19:25:36Z")
[QUOTE=Cemetery Savior] Actually, when I was taking the El downtown every day (and believe me…the Red Line at 7:30am…seats are at a premium), I would always offer my seat to a lady. Actually, any woman. I just consider it good chivalry karma, and it probably set me up for finding many easy parking spaces in the long run. If you’re a 13-40 y.o. healthy male, and not offering your seat to a woman without her asking (doesn’t matter if she’s healthy, sick, pretty, ugly, etc.), do it. -Cem [/QUOTE] Then you should expect a very confused/angry/where’s-the-mace expression from me. Although I’d probably take the seat. Weirdos on buses don’t deserve to sit. I would give up my seat to a pregnant or elderly person but they would have to ask. I am pretty oblivious in buses and tend to just zone out or look out the window. Like **Kalhoun** I am also one of those people who would rather die than ask for a seat, which I accept as a personal failing on my part. One thing that just pisses me off so totally, though, is when old women (it’s always old women) sit in the aisle seat with an empty window seat or put their purse there, on a loaded bus. Only once did I have the courage to step over that old bat and claim the window seat, and the chick stared me down the whole time with that lemon-faced expression of the curmudgeonly. You should have the right to sit down if you’re old, but you don’t get an extra seat for it. This thread also shows that while I agree with the general principles behind being child-free, many hardcore CFers are totally insane. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/88 "2006-08-09T19:27:18Z")
I don’t want you to give up your seat for me! I don’t need any man to do that. It isn’t some uber-feminist thing. I don’t have a problem with you holding the door for me but I will hold the door for you, too. I can stand on my way home and it’s quite frankly unwanted attention and an implication that I am somehow weaker and more dainty than you. And please, please, don’t get me started on Southen hospitality. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/89 "2006-08-09T19:30:55Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Not only would my father’s dead corpse reanimate, tunnel its way from rural Alabama into the subterranean train tracks of D.C. or Atlanta or wherever and kick the ass I sat upon while ladies stood, but I would lose respect if it didn’t. [/QUOTE] That, sir, is a beautiful turn of phrase. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/90 "2006-08-09T19:33:37Z")
I don’t go along with the Give-her-your-seat-just-because-she’s-a woman thing, either. I don’t feel that I deserve the seat any more than any other able-bodied person on the train. I don’t look at it as a personal shortcoming that I don’t ask for seats, either. I’ve never needed one badly enough to ask for one. I suppose if I did, I would. I am no more deserving than the next guy unless I’m in distress. Which I nevah am. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/91 "2006-08-09T19:47:03Z")
\*\*catsix \*\*and **Anaamika** , if someone offers you a seat, and you don’t want it, just say, “No, thank you,” and get on with your lives. It’s not a huge deal. ---
**Author:** ![lokij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@lokij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lokij)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/92 "2006-08-09T19:48:01Z")
[QUOTE=catsix] Why? Women can’t stand up or something? Why should this be done? What’s the reasoning here? I’m not going for ‘It’s just polite’. I want to know **why it’s considered so polite** to treat women different than men. What’s the point? Will I die if I stand up on a subway? [/QUOTE] I do it because it makes me feel good. You are free to decline my offer of the seat but I will offer it to any lady who is standing provided there isn’t somebody obviously disabled there first. If you’re going to have polite rules about the order in which somebody is entittled to seating then there must be a heirarchy and ladies come before gentlemen in the way I was raised. You have to draw a line somewhere and for me it is easier to just offer my seat to anybody of the female persuasion than try to gauge their overall health and fitness level, as well as reproductive status at a glance before making that call. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/93 "2006-08-09T19:49:15Z")
[QUOTE=acsenray] Do you offer seats to both men and women? Do you hold doors for both men and women? I do. [/QUOTE] Yes I do. Note than in my earlier post I referred to giving up my seat to _others in greater need_ and holding the door for _anyone_. I believe that everyone – regardless of gender, race, color, or creed – is entitled to courteous treatment, until they demonstrate otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/94 "2006-08-09T19:53:54Z")
[QUOTE=lisacurl] \*\*catsix \*\*and **Anaamika** , if someone offers you a seat, and you don’t want it, just say, “No, thank you,” and get on with your lives. It’s not a huge deal. [/QUOTE] Of course it isn’t…to me. What irked me were the handful of posters who \* seemed\* to be claiming that not giving up your seat for a woman was rude, and of course the ever-present little comments on how the South is so much nicer and politer than the rude, boorish North - a fact I know is not universally true. But you’re right…it’s no skin off my back either way. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/95 "2006-08-09T19:55:14Z")
Count me in as another person who doesn’t get the men-sacrificing-their-seats thing. It’s not that it’s weird or anything…it’s just unnecessary. I’m not tender. I can stand. But if you offered up your seat, I would say “No, thank you.” I wouldn’t get pissed or militant. That’s just plain rude. Honestly, I don’t get the oblivious-on-the-train thing. I am queen of the space cadets, but I’m generally on high alert when I take public transit. I feel the need to be aware of who’s in my space. There are creeps you need to watch out for in the public arena, and saying “But I’m so oblivious!” is not a good excuse if you have an unfortunate encounter. And if you’re on a crowded train or bus, it seems to me that it would do a person well NOT to be so self-engrossed. ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/96 "2006-08-09T20:04:43Z")
[QUOTE=davenportavenger] Then you should expect a very confused/angry/where’s-the-mace expression from me. Although I’d probably take the seat. Weirdos on buses don’t deserve to sit. [/QUOTE] Wait…am I the putative weirdo? Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called that! [QUOTE=davenportavenger] One thing that just pisses me off so totally, though, is when old women (it’s always old women) sit in the aisle seat with an empty window seat or put their purse there, on a loaded bus. Only once did I have the courage to step over that old bat and claim the window seat, and the chick stared me down the whole time with that lemon-faced expression of the curmudgeonly. You should have the right to sit down if you’re old, but you don’t get an extra seat for it. [/QUOTE] It’s an egalitarian trip, the El. If someone aisle-hogs (the proper term), then you’re well within your rights to tell (not ‘ask’) her to move in. If she doesn’t, you’re allowed to tromp on her feet as you climb over. Souther Hospitality nothing…born and raised in Chicago, and have the same sensibilities. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/97 "2006-08-09T20:08:06Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] …not giving up your seat for a woman was rude, and of course the ever-present little comments on how the South is so much nicer and politer than the rude, boorish North - a fact I know is not universally true. [/QUOTE] Heck…I’m claiming it’s rude to not offer your seat. If you’re a healthy guy, get up, grab a pole, and offer your seat to the lady. If she just got done winning a triathlon, offer it. If she’s a 80-year old, wobbly-kneed matron…offer it. If it’s a teenaged hussy-type…offer it. It’s just **done**. And I totally agree with the Southern vs. Northern polite vs. boorish thing. I’ve met plenty of Southerners, and roughly the same percentage are classless clods. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/98 "2006-08-09T20:21:40Z")
[QUOTE=Cemetery Savior] Heck…I’m claiming it’s rude to not offer your seat. If you’re a healthy guy, get up, grab a pole, and offer your seat to the lady. If she just got done winning a triathlon, offer it. If she’s a 80-year old, wobbly-kneed matron…offer it. If it’s a teenaged hussy-type…offer it. It’s just **done**. And I totally agree with the Southern vs. Northern polite vs. boorish thing. I’ve met plenty of Southerners, and roughly the same percentage are classless clods. -Cem [/QUOTE] I think the point most of us are trying to make is that it is a different time in the world. Women don’t feel the need to be coddled. It’s not that you’re an ass for trying to be a nice guy…it’s that you only feel it’s necessary to make these gestures for women. Unnecessary attention from strangers can be intimidating to some women on mass transit. I would never take an attitude toward someone who is trying to be nice, but you need to understand that this is an antiquated custom that really has no place in today’s society. Give up your seat to whoever needs it. ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/99 "2006-08-09T20:48:49Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] I think the point most of us are trying to make is that it is a different time in the world. Women don’t feel the need to be coddled. It’s not that you’re an ass for trying to be a nice guy…it’s that you only feel it’s necessary to make these gestures for women. Unnecessary attention from strangers can be intimidating to some women on mass transit. I would never take an attitude toward someone who is trying to be nice, but you need to understand that this is an antiquated custom that really has no place in today’s society. Give up your seat to whoever needs it. [/QUOTE] Eh…I probably didn’t mention that I’d be happy to give up my seat for a person (male) with physical limitations, or age-related infirmities. My bad. -Cem ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936/100 "2006-08-09T20:51:35Z")
Not to give \*\*Kalhoun \*\* a hard time, but there’s something inherently funny about the stance “I don’t want to be coddled! I am strong, I am invincible, I am Woman! I don’t need your seat! Oh, and don’t talk to me, because it scares me.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-pregnant-woman-be-given-a-seat-on-a-crowded-train/367936.md?page=6)