# Should a sex change for an ex-wife end ex-husband's alimony payments? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 28, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878 "2007-03-28T18:56:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/41 "2007-03-30T13:13:51Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] 'To gift" just sounds jarring and abrasive. I suppose I will get over it if I have to. [/QUOTE] It was meant to be exactly that. I “gift” my spouse a nice life in exchange for nothing. Simply because I love him and wish to do so. When the marriage is over, I no longer wish to provide this lifestyle as a gift and yet, I may be forced to “give” it as an obligation. If I choose to not work hard to provide my spouse these thing during the marriage; if I choose not to bestow these gifts of luxury and security upon the person I love, I will have no obligation after marriage to continue to “give” anything. The irony of this system isn’t lost on me. This issue is very personal to me and I am trying to accept the system for what it is but my opinion of it remains that it is an outdated unjust practice that sometimes, and I do mean sometimes, penalizes the more ambitious and giving spouse. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/42 "2007-03-30T13:21:42Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] I am old, and my memory is failing more and more each day, but it seems to me that using ‘gift’ as a verb is a new construction. At any rate, back in the day, there was never any confusion as to whether a thing that was given was, in fact, a gift. The context pretty much made it clear. 'To gift" just sounds jarring and abrasive. I suppose I will get over it if I have to. [/QUOTE] Yes, using “gift” as a verb is new. Like “impact” as a verb. If find both dreadful abuses of language. But you can get used to hanging if you hang long enough. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/43 "2007-03-30T13:23:42Z")
[QUOTE=Foxy40] It was meant to be exactly that. I “gift” my spouse a nice life in exchange for nothing. Simply because I love him and wish to do so. When the marriage is over, I no longer wish to provide this lifestyle as a gift and yet, I may be forced to “give” it as an obligation. If I choose to not work hard to provide my spouse these thing during the marriage; if I choose not to bestow these gifts of luxury and security upon the person I love, I will have no obligation after marriage to continue to “give” anything. The irony of this system isn’t lost on me. This issue is very personal to me and I am trying to accept the system for what it is but my opinion of it remains that it is an outdated unjust practice that sometimes, and I do mean sometimes, penalizes the more ambitious and giving spouse. [/QUOTE] Well, if you _choose_ to marry a sex bunny whose only other talent is shopping, don’t be surprised if he/she remains “helpless” when you’re done with him/her. Especially if you’ve bought yourself a new bunny! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/44 "2007-03-30T16:21:59Z")
[QUOTE=Bridget Burke] Well, if you _choose_ to marry a sex bunny whose only other talent is shopping, don’t be surprised if he/she remains “helpless” when you’re done with him/her. Especially if you’ve bought yourself a new bunny! [/QUOTE] In **Foxy’s** defense, I don’t think that describes her relationship at all (as I remember it). She was in a position to provide a comfortable lifestyle and he was free to pursue a promising career in music. Except that he slipped into an unmotivated slump and didn’t pursue that (or any) career. He hasn’t taken steps to change his life. Now, whether or not she should have let it go on as long as it did is neither here nor there at this point. But to say she was in it for the sex or so she could have a trophy husband is unfair. ---
**Author:** ![Dob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/45 "2007-03-30T17:40:17Z")
> [@](#): > > If the husband agreed to pay X dollars per month for X years, that’s the deal. Period Thats not the deal. Thats why you go back to court, to have the courts decide if its fair. Nothing is written in stone, and I dont see a big deal with going back and asking the courts to re-evaluate the agreement. Not on the basis of changing gender, but it does seem like he/she has alot of money around to do something like this. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/46 "2007-03-30T17:47:24Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] In **Foxy’s** defense, I don’t think that describes her relationship at all (as I remember it). She was in a position to provide a comfortable lifestyle and he was free to pursue a promising career in music. Except that he slipped into an unmotivated slump and didn’t pursue that (or any) career. He hasn’t taken steps to change his life. Now, whether or not she should have let it go on as long as it did is neither here nor there at this point. But to say she was in it for the sex or so she could have a trophy husband is unfair. [/QUOTE] Sorry. Most of the alimony-haters here are guys. I’d forgotten the details of Foxy’s situation. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/47 "2007-03-30T18:13:58Z")
[QUOTE=Dob] Thats not the deal. Thats why you go back to court, to have the courts decide if its fair. Nothing is written in stone, and I dont see a big deal with going back and asking the courts to re-evaluate the agreement. Not on the basis of changing gender, but it does seem like he/she has alot of money around to do something like this. [/QUOTE] We don’t even know if he paid for it or not. His partner could have, or he could have saved over time (which isn’t that hard…no harder than paying for a new car over 5 years). Sounds like the ex wants to pick and choose what constitutes “valid” spending. Do you think an ex would be entitled to buy a new car? Would she be entitled to buy a house? Shop for clothes at better stores than WalMart? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/48 "2007-03-30T19:48:13Z")
I just don’t understand using “gift” as a verb when “give” conveys exactly the same meaning, and is long-established as a correct usage. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/49 "2007-03-30T19:53:45Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] I just don’t understand using “gift” as a verb when “give” conveys exactly the same meaning, and is long-established as a correct usage. 😕 [/QUOTE] I wouldn’t have chosen that word either, but I don’t think they mean **exactly** the same thing. In her case, she is referring to the very lifestyle she afforded him as opposed to specific, special items. To me, that’s not a gift, but to her, it is. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878/50 "2007-03-30T22:26:52Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] I just don’t understand using “gift” as a verb when “give” conveys exactly the same meaning, and is long-established as a correct usage. 😕 [/QUOTE] It’s not different than using “gigantic” when the word “humongous” would have worked too; they’re both words, they’re both correct, and this horse (equine) has been beaten (clubbed) to death (a state of being unliving). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-sex-change-for-an-ex-wife-end-ex-husbands-alimony-payments/397878.md?page=2)