# Should homophobia get more moderator attention?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798
**Category:** About This Message Board
**Created:** [May 11, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798 "2015-05-11T17:50:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/41 "2015-05-12T12:27:36Z")
> [@BigT](#):
>
> Okay. The next time you bring up your kids and your wife, I will be glad to point out that, if only your kids had a gay influence in their life, they might become decent people. And then harass you for putting your heterosexuality in my face, and talk about your breeder agenda.
One of the things about discussions like this one is people don’t realize how ridiculous posts like the above sound.
Of course, if I were ever fool enough to ask for parenting advice from the SDMB I should expect nothing else.
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/42 "2015-05-12T13:41:16Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> One of the things about discussions like this one is people don’t realize how ridiculous posts like the above sound.
They do sound ridiculous, and we all realize that. What’s amazing is that you think posts in which people do the opposite, harassing gay people for their gay parenting, are any less ridiculous.
---
### Author:  [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/43 "2015-05-12T13:47:38Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> Take some of the posts made by him and insert ethnicity of your choice:
>
> quotes definitely changed by me:
>
> "Do you ever get annoyed with certain members of the **black** community for being so in your face to **non-blacks** about it or other behavior?
>
> "Or, they want to be famous in the **black** community and what better way to get to be the pride of the Pride parade than being the person who shuts down a business.
>
> I mean are **blacks** just running around begging and pleading for some business to slight them so they can go after them? What’s wrong with just taking your money somewhere else?"
>
> It definitely feels uncomfortable at the least.
>
> This is all because people think sexuality is still in our choice, which makes absolutely no sense to me. It might be mutable, but I knew I liked boys from a very young age, far before puberty or before I even thought about a choice.
I see nothing above that breaks rules. The statements are stupid and should be addressed with logic or scorn but no need for a mod to do anything once they were posted in the appropriate thread/forum.
Calling someone a fag and the like is something that should be addressed but just general racist/homophobic mumblings appearing in threads should be dealt with by the posters not by the mods.
Just my 2c
---
### Author:  [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/44 "2015-05-12T13:58:29Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> One of the things about discussions like this one is people don’t realize how ridiculous posts like the above sound.
>
> Of course, if I were ever fool enough to ask for parenting advice from the SDMB I should expect nothing else.
>
> Regards,
> Shodan
Did he just call me foolish?
Having been “fool enough” to ask here for parenting advice, I still was helped greatly by most of the posters on that thread. But you say I should have expected nothing less [than bad feedback, presumably]. What I shouldn’t have to expect (or at least shouldn’t have to put up with) are repeated, offensive, off-topic comments that clearly stem from someone’s anti-gay agenda. It’s the latter comments we’re discussing. Your personal biases seem to be getting in the way of your ability to take in and consider the specific issue here.
---
### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/45 "2015-05-12T14:27:01Z")
**Shodan** , I have been to many gay pride parades and don’t really find them seeking victimhood or in your face. You don’t have to go after all. I like them and think they are a lot of fun. YMM obviously varies.
I think what was happening in that thread was more akin to threadshitting, anyway.
---
### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/46 "2015-05-12T14:28:11Z")
> [@tapu](#):
>
> Did he just call me foolish?
> Having been “fool enough” to ask here for parenting advice, I still was helped greatly by most of the posters on that thread. But you say I should have expected nothing less [than bad feedback, presumably]. What I shouldn’t have to expect (or at least shouldn’t have to put up with) are repeated, offensive, off-topic comments that clearly stem from someone’s anti-gay agenda. It’s the latter comments we’re discussing. Your personal biases seem to be getting in the way of your ability to take in and consider the specific issue here.
No, I’m quite clear on the issue. You mentioned something that you thought was relevant, and then tried to rule out any reference to it when you didn’t like some of the responses. That happens a lot on the SDMB.
If you don’t want to talk about that aspect of it, don’t bring it up.
I am not aware of any way an OP can enforce a rule that says “I want advice but don’t tell me anything I don’t want to hear”. That’s not the same thing as personal attacks, in case you were hoping to try that tack next.
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/47 "2015-05-12T14:32:06Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> You don’t have to go after all.
That’s quite true. Likewise, you don’t have to start threads on the SDMB, and you don’t have to complain about it if the thread doesn’t include responses that are 100% to your liking.
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/48 "2015-05-12T14:35:34Z")
You’ve skipped many significant posts. In the pit thread, check out where L-hand of dorkness pulls an offensive post verbatim and replaces gay with Jewish. Seek out, as well, posts where it’s pointed out that there were personal attacks in some of the doggedly anti-gay remarks.
Further more, it would be perfectly natural for a straight mom writing about the M Day topic to bring up her husband. No one would then blame the subject of the topic on the fact that she was heterosexual.
This may be the last I should respond to you because frankly I think you’re just shit-stirring and I don’t want to be wielding swords at phantom fighters.
One suggestion, though: Try to consider the details of what people are saying and not just railing against anything said that doesn’t fit your agenda.
---
### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/49 "2015-05-12T14:36:17Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> That’s quite true. Likewise, you don’t have to start threads on the SDMB, and you don’t have to complain about it if the thread doesn’t include responses that are 100% to your liking.
>
> Regards,
> Shodan
But why not complain? It’s not as though complaining means you automatically have to agree, either; rather, it occasions a discussion.
See, it’s one thing if someone had said, "Could it be that he’s bothered by having two moms?
But what was said was “You are shoving your gay propaganda down his throat”.
That’s a bit obnoxious and not something that would be said to a hetero couple.
---
### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/50 "2015-05-12T16:16:31Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> No, I’m quite clear on the issue. You mentioned something that you thought was relevant, and then tried to rule out any reference to it when you didn’t like some of the responses.
That’s the opposite of clarity. It was relevant only because both she and her spouse were affected by it. It was relevant in the same way that church is relevant in “I was in a car accident in the church parking lot” is relevant: it clarified one small aspect of the event.
tapu did not try to rule out any reference to it. Someone asked if her wife was also upset. This was a reference to the fact of her lesbian marriage. She did not try to rule out this reference. This would be akin to asking whether the other driver in the accident was a member of the same church.
What tapu objected to were bigoted off-focus references to it, references that attacked her marriage and family as inferior. This would be akin to commenting that maybe if you spent more time focusing on your driving and less time worrying about the invisible sky pixie, you wouldn’t get in an accident.
Here’s what you’re not getting: **not all references to the same thing are relevantly similar**.
Or, to put it in logical fallacy terms, it’s a slippery slope, perhaps a regards slope, that you’re appealing to the molehill’s authority on.
---
### Author:  [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/51 "2015-05-12T19:18:40Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#):
>
> All forms of hate speech and discrimination should be dealt with equally.
A reasonable sentiment, and not one the outcome of which I wouldn’t be happy with, assuming a conversation _about_ hate speech policy can take place.
But the problem with that general perspective (i.e., not to pick on **LWIBR** , but that general approach) is that it tacitly assumes
• that there are a finite number of outgroups against which hate speech can exist; and
• that we know them, have identified them all.
If you’re unclear on why that’s a problem, hop into your time machine and journey back to, say, the 1970s. You’d find people ready to sign on to the same statement, but although they would probably have hate speech against gay and lesbian people on their list, they might look at you blankly if you raised the subject of hate speech against transgender people, for example. And they might argue with you about bisexual people belonging on the list.
---
### Author:  [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2015, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/52 "2015-05-12T19:49:30Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#):
>
> That’s not what I meant by making it part of their question – I meant something like the OP asking “do you think it could be because we’re gay?” (or for an interracial couple “do you think it’s because our son is mixed?”) – if the OP doesn’t explicitly ask about this, then it shouldn’t be part of the discussion.
Think you’re being a little too restrictive here. The question was about mother’s day, by the way he has two moms. It may have not been explicit but frankly I think it’s beyond silly to wave that point away with " we’re exactly like a straight couple!" Sure, except he’s got two caregiver moms nagging him about mother’s day.
---
### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/53 "2015-05-13T12:30:46Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> But why not complain? It’s not as though complaining means you automatically have to agree, either; rather, it occasions a discussion.
Of course she can complain about the responses if she starts a thread. And I can respond by pointing out that her complaints are silly and unjustified. But read the thread. She didn’t want a discussion, at least one that included any non-laudatory mention of something she brought up. That’s why she kept trying to have the mods shut the thread down.
> [@](#):
>
> See, it’s one thing if someone had said, "Could it be that he’s bothered by having two moms?
>
> But what was said was “You are shoving your gay propaganda down his throat”.
>
> That’s a bit obnoxious and not something that would be said to a hetero couple.
**tapu** responds in the same way to either kind of response. She mentioned that she was in a lesbian relationship because she thought it might be relevant, then angrily tried to shout down any mention of it that wasn’t admiration. She kept trying to have the thread locked so she could be sure no one would be able to comment on it.
It’s hardly the first time in SDMB history that someone had a thread go in directions she didn’t expect, or where she was asked questions that she didn’t like.
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#):
>
> That’s the opposite of clarity. It was relevant only because both she and her spouse were affected by it.
IOW it was clear. She and her spouse were affected by it. Thefore it was relevant.
> [@](#):
>
> **tapu** did not try to rule out any reference to it.
Here, of course, you are simply and obviously wrong. She did.
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/54 "2015-05-13T12:55:39Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> Of course she can complain about the responses if she starts a thread. And I can respond by pointing out that her complaints are silly and unjustified. But read the thread. She didn’t want a discussion, at least one that included any non-laudatory mention of something she brought up.
She “brought up” that her son has two moms, quite relevant to questions about Mother’s Day, and it’s a situation which is not terribly uncommon (and exists in many non-homosexual families). She didn’t mention that she was in a lesbian relationship until someone asked the details of the two-mom situation.
Her being in a lesbian relationship had nothing to do with her question, and nothing to do with her OP. Someone asked later and she answered, but the homosexual-parents-part had _nothing whatsoever to do_ with her OP and her question.
> [@](#):
>
> She mentioned that she was in a lesbian relationship because she thought it might be relevant
False. It was not part of her OP, and not part of her question. If you don’t believe me, why not just ask her? Here, I’ll do it: **tapu** – did you mention that you were in a lesbian relationship to answer a question from another poster, or because you thought the fact that you and your partner are lesbians was relevant to the question in your OP?
“Two moms” doesn’t necessarily equal “lesbian couple”, and is only relevant because the holiday is all about moms. At least, that’s how I interpreted the posts – I hope **tapu** can clarify. And I hope you’ll believe that she’s telling the truth, whatever her answer. I certainly will.
---
### Author:  [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/55 "2015-05-13T13:52:54Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> … then angrily tried to shout down any mention of it that wasn’t admiration. …
It was not that she was looking for ‘admiration’ for her marriage that I got, but just that she wants to believe gays are no different then straights (and the marriages and families from them) and not even look at the possibility that there may be some differences that could be helpful to acknowledge, reflect upon and even celebrate.
Quite ironically in another thread she does state a difference between gay and straight marriages, (paraphrasing here) in that gay marriages there is no chance of a accidental pregnancy.
---
### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/56 "2015-05-13T14:01:44Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#):
>
> She “brought up” that her son has two moms, quite relevant to questions about Mother’s Day, and it’s a situation which is not terribly uncommon (and exists in many non-homosexual families). She didn’t mention that she was in a lesbian relationship until someone asked the details of the two-mom situation.
This isn’t correct. She mentioned that her son had two moms in the OP, and explained what she meant in the OP when asked.
If one says something in the OP, and then explain what you meant in your next post, then you meant it in the OP.
> [@](#):
>
> False. It was not part of her OP, and not part of her question.
No, not false at all. She mentioned it in the OP, and confirmed later that she meant to do so.
> [@](#):
>
> “Two moms” doesn’t necessarily equal “lesbian couple”…
It did in this case, and the OP confirmed that she meant to refer to it in her first post.
> [@](#):
>
> I hope **tapu** can clarify. And I hope you’ll believe that she’s telling the truth, whatever her answer. I certainly will.
She already clarified that by “my son has two moms” she was talking about the fact that she was in a lesbian relationship. She said as much. So yes, I believe her.
Perhaps she believes that the fact that she is in a lesbian relationship makes no difference to the situation. That would be an opinion, not a fact that she can establish by assertion. And why start a thread asking for opinions if you don’t want to hear other opinions?
As I said, I am not sure it is possible to start a thread asking for opinions but enforce the requirement “but don’t tell me anything I don’t want to hear”. Especially if you put something in the OP that you think might be relevant, explain what you meant by putting it in the OP, and then saying “but you better not mention it again except to pat me on the back”. Opinion threads don’t always run like that.
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/57 "2015-05-13T14:09:43Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> This isn’t correct. She mentioned that her son had two moms in the OP, and explained what she meant in the OP when asked.
She answered a question about the “two moms” thing – what she meant was “he has two moms”.
> [@](#):
>
> If one says something in the OP, and then explain what you meant in your next post, then you meant it in the OP.
It was answering a question – what she meant, at least what I interpreted, was “my son has two moms”.
> [@](#):
>
> No, not false at all. She mentioned it in the OP, and confirmed later that she meant to do so.
Not by my interpretation, but hopefully **tapu** can clarify.
> [@](#):
>
> She already clarified that by “my son has two moms” she was talking about the fact that she was in a lesbian relationship. She said as much. So yes, I believe her.
And if she says “I only mentioned my lesbian relationship because someone asked about it, not because I think it is relevant to my question”, would you believe her? I hope that she’ll clarify, and we’ll see. I could be wrong. Do you recognize the chance that your interpretation might be wrong as well? Is there a tiny, tiny chance that **Shodan** might be wrong?
---
### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/58 "2015-05-13T18:47:56Z")
> [@Shodan](#):
>
> Here, of course, you are simply and obviously wrong. She did.
What you claim “she did” was " tried to rule out any reference to" there being two moms.
That’s why, when **kanicbird** wrote
> [@My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/132):
>
> Before it’s closed, wishing you both a belated happy Mother’s Day.
**tapu** responded with anger at the reference to both moms, and most definitely did NOT respond with:
> [@My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-16yo-son-ignored-mothers-day/719727/134):
>
> Thanks, KanicBird! That would be an excellent note to end on. 🙂
Note that this is just one of several examples where she clearly does NOT try to rule out reference to his two moms. What, pray tell, makes these references different?
---
### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/59 "2015-05-13T18:50:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally Posted by Hypothetical Poster
> Well maybe you should put yourself in his shoes. Does he have a Christian role model? I’m sorry but your two Jews, like it or not and you look at the world as Jews.
>
> Sorry to burst your Jewish bubble but your shoving alot of Jewish propaganda down the kids throat. The kid is probably confused but still loves you and hates to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth.
>
> Please, step outside your Jewish circle and put yourself in his shoes
This is presented as a hypothetical but it appears to be a sort of redaction of a real post. What thread is it from?
---
### Author:  [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2015, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-homophobia-get-more-moderator-attention/719798/60 "2015-05-13T18:57:02Z")
Yeah, I don’t get the idea that being a lesbian couple has nothing to do with the issue of her son celebrating Mother’s Day. As noted, many kids only celebrate Mother’s/Father’s day because the other parent reminds and pushes them. It’s a bit different when there are 2 moms. Plus, should the kid be celebrating both moms on Mother’s day? I would think so, unless there is some understand that one is the “real mom” and the other is just “a parent”.
A similar issue might come up in a single parent household.
It’s not about whether one is “cool with it” or not. It’s about having an opposite sex parent to drag you, often kicking and screaming, into getting something for the other parent. That’s pretty much what it was like when I was growing up. My dad took the lead in celebrating Mother’s Day and we mostly followed along.
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