# Should I ask out my coworker? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 14, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384 "2011-06-14T01:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/21 "2011-06-14T04:01:42Z")
As a person who was asked out by a coworker from a different department, I say go for it. At first I was in the “Don’t poo where you eat” mentality but when it came down to deciding I thought “Why not? It’d be worth to see if there’s something there.” We’ve been going strong for five months now! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/22 "2011-06-14T04:04:20Z")
Lunch with a few other people and invite through the phone/in person, perhaps? I don’t get the friendzone thing. Is she’s interested, why would there be a “Limited shelf life, must be consumed within 2 weeks” limit on her interest? Seriously, women, have you been in situations where you were interested in a man but because he didn’t ask you out within a month or two, you lost interest? I don’t mean moved on, I mean lost interest to the point where if he had asked you out, you would say no whereas you would have said yes earlier. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/23 "2011-06-14T04:24:52Z")
> [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](#): > > Yeah, I really agree with this. What’s your opinion on the send-an-email route vs the make and excuse to bump into and ask in person route? I think you got it just right in the OP - a casual drink that opens the door, should she choose to walk through. > [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Lunch with a few other people and invite through the phone/in person, perhaps? > > I don’t get the friendzone thing. Is she’s interested, why would there be a “Limited shelf life, must be consumed within 2 weeks” limit on her interest? > > Seriously, women, have you been in situations where you were interested in a man but because he didn’t ask you out within a month or two, you lost interest? I don’t mean moved on, I mean lost interest to the point where if he had asked you out, you would say no whereas you would have said yes earlier. Does the phrase, "I’m sorry, I don’t think about you _that way_ mean anything to you? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/24 "2011-06-14T04:57:19Z")
Now: You aren’t dating her. Worst case: You aren’t dating her. Nothing to lose, so ask her out. But not by email; that’s just weird. You work in the same building and cross paths often enough for you to - it seems - know a little about her. It’s not like she’s a stranger on the internet, or a contact through online dating sites. If you’ve chatted with her a little already, just ask her out next time you run into her. If you’ve never talked to her at all…then talk to her. Definitely do not ask by email, because that moves from weird to freaking creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/25 "2011-06-14T05:07:48Z")
> [@mnemosyne](#): > > Now: You aren’t dating her. > > Worst case: You aren’t dating her. > > Nothing to lose, so ask her out. Well, maybe, maybe not. Part of asking this question was to see if anyone had any anecdotes about how they dated someone downstairs from then at work, and they broke up, and it was awful drama despite being physically separated, etc, etc, and they got fired and were homeless for several years. That’d be something to lose. But so far, it seems most people think this is a case where working together (ie, in the same building for the same employer) is a relative non-issue. > [@](#): > > But not by email; that’s just weird. You work in the same building and cross paths often enough for you to - it seems - know a little about her. It’s not like she’s a stranger on the internet, or a contact through online dating sites. If you’ve chatted with her a little already, just ask her out next time you run into her. If you’ve never talked to her at all…then talk to her. Definitely do not ask by email, because that moves from weird to freaking creepy. Really? 😕 I’m amazed by this. I’m not opposed in principle to, say, wait for a chance encounter and ask her out, but I just can’t wrap my head around replying to an email she’s sent in the last week, provide some relevant content, and finishing it with an oh-by-the-way as being creepy. Can you elaborate? ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/26 "2011-06-14T05:15:55Z")
Yes. But I wouldn’t ask her out by e-mail (company or personal). It’s too much like you’re afraid of her turning you down to your face. But you’re not afraid of that. You would welcome it. Those are the little cuts that build scars, and character. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/27 "2011-06-14T05:24:01Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Yes. > But I wouldn’t ask her out by e-mail (company or personal). It’s too much like you’re afraid of her turning you down to your face. But you’re not afraid of that. You would welcome it. Those are the little cuts that build scars, and character. Heh. It’d be accurate to say I’d like a definitive response and not spend some long period of time wondering if I’m in or if I’m out of if I’m a friend or what. Here’s the thing - I think my way of asking her out boils down to three realistic choices: 1. Email 2. Intentionally come up with some contrived excuse to swing by her desk uninvited in the middle of a work day when she’s trying to get stuff done, chat her up, and ask for a date. 3. Wait for a chance encounter, again during the work day when I’m sure I’ll be distracted, possibly mid-conversation with someone else, she’ll be in exactly the same state, and say, “hey, come grab a drink with me. when? I’m free Tuesday? Oh, you can’t Tuesday? Well, I’m out of town from Wednesday through the weekend. How’s next week? Oh, I’ll just email you..” and then we’re back at #1. I’m honestly not seeing the percentage in going with a non-email approach, but I’m trying to understand your (collective your for those who share this opinion) POV. Honest. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/28 "2011-06-14T07:08:16Z")
> [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](#): > > Heh. It’d be accurate to say I’d like a definitive response and not spend some long period of time wondering if I’m in or if I’m out of if I’m a friend or what. > > Here’s the thing - I think my way of asking her out boils down to three realistic choices: > > 1. Email > 2. Intentionally come up with some contrived excuse to swing by her desk uninvited in the middle of a work day when she’s trying to get stuff done, chat her up, and ask for a date. > 3. Wait for a chance encounter, again during the work day when I’m sure I’ll be distracted, possibly mid-conversation with someone else, she’ll be in exactly the same state, and say, “hey, come grab a drink with me. when? I’m free Tuesday? Oh, you can’t Tuesday? Well, I’m out of town from Wednesday through the weekend. How’s next week? Oh, I’ll just email you..” and then we’re back at #1. > > I’m honestly not seeing the percentage in going with a non-email approach, but I’m trying to understand your (collective your for those who share this opinion) POV. Honest. 1. Go by her desk and ask her out. “Hi, I just stopped by to ask if you might like to go out for a drink after work. I’d like to get to know you better.” No contrived anything. No games. No chance encounters. No emails. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/29 "2011-06-14T13:00:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Does the phrase, "I’m sorry, I don’t think about you _that way_ mean anything to you? 🙂 So, you’re saying that the unsaid second part of that sentence is “but if you had asked me earlier I would have thought about you differently”? ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/30 "2011-06-14T13:24:12Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > 1. Go by her desk and ask her out. “Hi, I just stopped by to ask if you might like to go out for a drink after work. I’d like to get to know you better.” No contrived anything. No games. No chance encounters. No emails. Or, dial her phone and say the same thing, except for the “I just stopped by” part. You’re overthinking this. Waiting for a chance encounter or contriving an excuse? Do you wait for a chance encounter to eat lunch, or contrive an excuse to get a cup of coffee? Asking her out is something you want to do, go do it. She is not going to be insulted or angry that you asked her out on a date without having a separate reason for talking to her. The only warning I have is from personal experience, if she’s not interested, let it go. If you can’t let it go and honestly move on to greener dating pastures, don’t go there in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/31 "2011-06-14T13:40:52Z")
Just call her, already. More personal than e-mail, and less stalkerish than concocting some sort of elaborate ruse to run into her. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/32 "2011-06-14T13:50:30Z")
Send her a picture of your junk! ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/33 "2011-06-14T13:57:10Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > 1. Go by her desk and ask her out. “Hi, I just stopped by to ask if you might like to go out for a drink after work. I’d like to get to know you better.” No contrived anything. No games. No chance encounters. No emails. Yes, this. Drop by her office at 4:55pm and say “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink”. I agree that face-to-face is much better than email or phone, both of which are a bit too formal IMO. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/34 "2011-06-14T14:03:10Z")
> [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](#): > > 1. Intentionally come up with some contrived excuse to swing by her desk uninvited in the middle of a work day when she’s trying to get stuff done, chat her up, and ask for a date. Do this, but without the contrived excuse. Just go ask her out. She’ll likely be flattered by the directness. You don’t want it to seem like you’re only asking her out because you happened to run into her at that moment, do you? Make the effort and it will be appreciated, even if her answer is no. If you email her, and she doesn’t reply right away (or at all) you’re left wondering. And then we’ll get a thread on here asking “Should I send a follow-up email asking if she got my first email?” An email is the modern equivalent of the old “Do you want to go out with me? Check Yes or No” notes that were popular when I was a youngster. That just sounds like Bad Idea Jeans to me. ---
**Author:** ![Southern\_Yankee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/southern_yankee/32/2800_2.png) [@Southern\_Yankee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southern_Yankee)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/35 "2011-06-14T14:07:08Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Send her a picture of your junk! Yeah, Wiener her! But on a more serious note, I married a co-worker, although we kept our relationship secret because she worked in HR. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/36 "2011-06-14T14:13:09Z")
As someone who was let go at a job for “misuse of company email” because I invited some girls at the office to a party and one of them got offended, I suggest the go up and ask her approach. I didn’t think there was a company policy either, fwiw. But since you keep arguing FOR using email, go for it and get it over with 🙂 We Dopers will talk you in/out of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/37 "2011-06-14T14:19:49Z")
My husband and I worked at the same place and I recall none of this agonizing over minutiae. We talked a lot, smooched a little after 5 pm, went out when it seemed time and married when we realized we loved each other madly! I also recommend talking to the girl. Why not the direct approach? It’s been done that way for millennia. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/38 "2011-06-14T14:25:41Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > As someone who was let go at a job for “misuse of company email” because I invited some girls at the office to a party and one of them got offended… :eek: What kind of party was this? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/39 "2011-06-14T14:38:08Z")
Just leave a note on her desk and then run away really fast. The note should read: \*\*\* I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No.\*\*\* ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384/40 "2011-06-14T15:25:14Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > :eek: > > What kind of party was this? Catalog party [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-ask-out-my-coworker/585384.md?page=3)