# Should I be worried about my GF? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2013, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339 "2013-11-20T11:35:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/61 "2013-11-22T10:11:25Z")
If she starts refusing to do stuff with you because she wants to “chat” with him, you are toast. Just spending time with someone isn’t the end. I used to go to dances with a female friend that was married to someone else. Nothing untoward happened, but it must have taken a fair amount of trust on his part. However, if you can’t trust her, it’s over anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Chilliwack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@Chilliwack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chilliwack)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/62 "2013-11-22T13:41:19Z")
I don’t mean to mike-drop on your thread, but it has all been said, and the writing is on the wall. I genuinely hope that this will work out for you both, and it will - in a way. At 24, you are in the prime of your life. It is an excellent time to be single. Drop in a few months from now once the hurt has let up, and let us know how things ended up. Also, can you link to his blog? I’d be happy to make fun of it with you. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/63 "2013-11-22T17:01:42Z")
> [@Cbud92](#): > > Some minor details: She has never had a friend like him (besides me of course) that she can really relate to and share a lot of interests with so I can see why she values the relationship with him so much. Also, she’s in a very vulnerable state in her life right now because she lacks any true friends and is having a hard time figuring out where to go next with her work or career. She complains about not having anyone to talk to but me. This is the major detail to me. She doesn’t have any friends? Except you and now Blogdude? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/64 "2013-11-22T18:06:53Z")
> [@astro](#): > > \The issue is not that she may or may not get over her 2-4 hour a night Skype buddy, it’s that she believes this behavior can be tolerated within the context of an exclusive relationship and not damage it, and now you are onboard with it also, because you are required to be if you want to hold onto her. > > Look at the big picture rationally, you’re just being silly at this point. Your rationalization that this can be acceptable stinks of desperation and no woman is going to respect a desperate man in the long run Very well put. What she’s doing is not good for her relationship; if she valued that relationship, she’d stop endangering it. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/65 "2013-11-22T21:23:39Z")
Bad news, dude, this is not going to be a fun time for you. Sadly, this is going to be one of those things that you have to figure out on your own. People can try to prep you for it, but you won’t see it until it happens. I remember my Dad trying with me. I’m sure you’re dismissing all these “Plan for the end.” posts, but that girl has checked out. The only advice I’ll _try_ to give you is to do your best to make the break clean. Own it. Don’t drag that shit out. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2013, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/66 "2013-11-23T07:02:35Z")
Learn to let go of what you fear to lose, then re-approach with a different perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2013, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/67 "2013-11-23T07:14:41Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > Learn to let go of what you fear to lose, then re-approach with a different perspective. Well, you can’t listen to _him._ ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2013, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/68 "2013-11-23T12:30:09Z")
Pull the stick out of yourself, learn to commit, & marry the wench. A solid relationship is (probably) what she wants, & she (probably) won’t stray much if you give her one. So, learn to commit. ---
**Author:** ![Subterraneanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Subterraneanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subterraneanus)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2013, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/69 "2013-11-23T16:16:51Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Pull the stick out of yourself, learn to commit, & marry the wench. > > A solid relationship is (probably) what she wants, & she (probably) won’t stray much if you give her one. > > So, learn to commit. Good grief, lol. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/70 "2013-11-23T17:13:03Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Pull the stick out of yourself, learn to commit, & marry the wench. > > A solid relationship is (probably) what she wants, & she (probably) won’t stray much if you give her one. > > So, learn to commit. And, we’ve got another contender! You guys are really strutting your stuff in this thread! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/71 "2013-11-25T06:54:35Z")
> [@Cbud92](#): > > You’re absolutely right about the jealousy thing. This is extra hard for me because I am forced to contain my feelings in fear they’ll just make her think I cannot accept her having a friend… > > I do believe that she only intends to be friends with this guy. However, what I don’t think she realizes is that through the nature of how they talk she may be giving him the idea that she’s interested in something more than a friendship. Also, that she sometimes spends more time focusing her emotions and time on him instead of me, thus making me jealous and uncomfortable which ultimately will push her away if I express it to her. > She talks about moving in with me in the future (3-12 months) and having a great relationship together. But, I think the excitement of this new guy and how interesting he is to her and how much they have in common may give her a reason to think otherwise. She intends to be more than friends with this guy. You have already asked her not to see/speak to him, because it hurts your feelings, and she persists? OK, what if she sleeps with the guy and you tell her that THAT hurt your feelings? She cares more about him than about your feelings. Do the math. All of her other talk, about your glorious future together, is just keeping you on the line in case something doesn’t develop with him. Scrape her off, and forget, no, FORGET about her. Your feelings don’t matter, so, don’t go blubbering to her with them, thinking that telling her will make a difference. Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Cbud92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Cbud92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cbud92)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/72 "2013-11-26T03:29:04Z")
Hey guys. Her and I had some drinks on saturday and everything was going great. I had still been upset about what was going on with us but I ignored it to have fun with her. While her and my brother were having a conversation I casually picked up her phone. I figured if there was nothing for me to worry about she wouldn’t care if I saw what her and this guy talk about. Turns out she had deleted all of her texts recently. I put the phone down and didn’t say anything… a few minutes later she asked me what was wrong because I wasn’t talking or anything. I said that we should talk about it later and to not worry about it but she kept asking me and bothering me about it. I broke and finally told her what is wrong. I told her that she probably thinks i’m naive or stupid because it’s clear that her and this guy are sharing what I consider an affair. I told her it’s not fair to me and she’s breaking my heart. She got really defensive and argued that I was just being a snoop and that I was just jealous. I explained to her how silly she sounds telling me that… that shes lying to herself and me if she believes that. Eventually, she just wanted me to take her home… so I did. We didn’t talk sunday and all day today… Finally I decided I couldn’t do this anymore and went to her house. I told her that I couldn’t do this anymore, that she has all the cards here and needs to decide what she wants. I told her I can’t stand by while the girl I love and care about so much is giving a piece of her heart to another man. I told her this is just ripping me apart inside and I can’t do anything to mend it, it’s all on her. I said shes only left me with one decision, to let her go and let her figure out what she wants. She asked me if I was breaking up with her… I nodded, hesitantly. Her eyes widened and she had a very sad look on her face… even worse now since I started talking to her. I told her that she knows how much I care about her and how much I love her, that it was up to her to decide if she wants me in her life or if she wants this other guy instead. Before I left I told her this was really hard for me to do but I had to do it, because it’s the only thing I can do to see if our relationship can be saved. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to say and she said in almost a whisper: “right now”? I said no, you can have time to think about anything you want to say. She helped button up my jacket and then zip up my coat. I told her I love her as I walked out and she said I love you too. That was it… It’s been about 3 hours since then and I haven’t heard anything or seen anything. She is online playing some games that her and I played together though. I imagine shes just trying to not think about it right now. Anyway… Now I just play the waiting game. I can’t say I’ve come to terms with the idea of not having her in my life. What really bothers me is that while we’re not talking she will be able to talk to him still and probably even tell him about what happened. I know this was the right thing to do but I’m really being eaten up inside. I need to know how to handle this, it’s effecting my motivation to do school work and even get out of bed in the morning. I just want her to decide if she wants me or him. I hope it doesn’t take her long. I’m just… afraid. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/73 "2013-11-26T03:34:15Z")
You did well. It sucks. But you did well. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/74 "2013-11-26T03:47:45Z")
Hang in there. I know this very hard for you, but you really did the right thing. I so rarely do this but {{{ **Cbud92** }}} If it helps to talk/vent here some more, feel free. We’re here to listen. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/75 "2013-11-26T03:53:29Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > You did well. It sucks. But you did well. That’s right - I think you did the right thing. Good for you for not falling for her telling her that you’re being a snoop and jealous - you handled that really well. I hope you guys have a happy ending together, but if she isn’t all in with the relationship, you’re better out of it. Please, keep coming back and chatting with us. We’ll give you as much support as we can. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/76 "2013-11-26T04:02:07Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > You did well. It sucks. But you did well. +1. Good job. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/77 "2013-11-26T04:10:57Z")
Cbud, you have become a man. It’s hard but you have done what you needed to do, you can’t live with the anxiety that you have been. Well done mate. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/78 "2013-11-26T05:09:11Z")
Only mistake you made was in throwing out a line for her to “choose you.” Otherwise, good job. Trust me, you’ll fall in love again. And you’ll probably be as much of a doofus the next time around. We all are. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/79 "2013-11-26T05:13:38Z")
Another “good job”, cbud. You handled that very maturely. I know it was hard, but the situation was really unfair to you and you deserve better. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339/80 "2013-11-26T13:39:47Z")
> [@Cbud92](#): > > Now I just play the waiting game. Nooooooo - get busy doing things. Don’t be online looking to see what she’s doing. Distract yourself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-be-worried-about-my-gf/674339.md?page=5)