# Should I cheat on her husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490 "2009-08-06T02:07:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/21 "2009-08-06T06:16:07Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > Good Lord. The answer to “Should [anyone] cheat?,” no matter with or on whom, is ALWAYS no. You have to ask this? Well, given he’s in a Master in Law… _duck and run_ ETA: full moon is on Saturday. ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/22 "2009-08-06T06:17:27Z")
You don’t love her, and yet you are supposed to be worth breaking the vows she took before God and her family? You are such a fine lay that the financial and personal ruin of divorce is worth contemplating? If she goes for this lovely proposition of yours, she is not worth very much, and you are not worth a whole lot for offering it to her. Part of growing up is learning we can’t have every little thing our heart desires. The only way for you to have anything real with this girl is for her to have already left him and the divorce papers signed and sealed. If you aren’t interested in anything real with her then it sure the hell isn’t worth the risk for her. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/23 "2009-08-06T06:32:40Z")
I used to be of the opinion that, in cases like yours, the only person who is under any moral obligation is the married person. I used to believe that because the third party (in this case, the OP) had made no promises to anyone, he (or she) bore no burden of guilt for an adulterous relationship. I’ve changed my mind on that, though. While the third person has made no specific promise, we are all, i think, under a general obligation not to fuck over other people just because we can. If you sleep with someone else in the knowledge that they’re married, then that’s exactly what you’re doing: fucking over an unknown person just to satisfy yourself. You might not bear as much of the blame as the person who is actually cheating on their spouse, but you’re still doing a shitty thing. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/24 "2009-08-06T06:32:59Z")
Don’t do it. She chose to get married. She can choose to leave the guy. In which case she’s fair game, but don’t poison it. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/25 "2009-08-06T08:46:43Z")
Well, in Woody Allen movies people commit adultery with only light comedic consequences. And they effortlessly find great apartments on the Upper West Side, and have high-paying jobs that leave them ample free time for farcical escapades. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/26 "2009-08-06T08:53:34Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If he was the married one and she was single? Or if he was the other guy married to her? To the OP, sure, go for it. Doesn’t sound like you can screw up her relationship any worse than it already is, and you might be doing them a favor by giving them an easy excuse to get out before they have kids and it gets complicated. But don’t date her. Sex only. If she thinks you’re starting a relationship, dump her. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/27 "2009-08-06T09:39:19Z")
Look at it from a practical angle. If you were 100% confident that you could keep your mouth shut about it forever and you were 99% confident that she could too then maybe nobody would get too badly hurt. However, it sounds like you can’t keep your mouth shut and neither can your friends so just drop it. There is the real risk that one or both of you will fall in love and then all hell breaks loose. Believe me, you want no part of that. I have seen it too many times with the same disasterous consequences any time something like that leaks or the affair relationship becomes more intense. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/28 "2009-08-06T09:42:41Z")
Be a grown-up. What, you didn’t get that shit out of your system when you were a kid? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/29 "2009-08-06T11:24:26Z")
I don’t see why you think you need to sleep with her unless you are just perpetually horny. That is what sluts, hookers, and fat chicks with low self-esteem are for traditionally speaking and the consequences are much less (even if you get the clap). If you just like her as a person, why don’t you just be a good friend to her? Some spouses tolerate that type of thing fairly well but not all people can pull it off without screwing up everything that way too. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/30 "2009-08-06T15:22:14Z")
Aren’t situations like these the reason internet porn was invented? Just beat off dude, furiously and often. You can even think about her while you’re doing it. But you shouldn’t get involved with her unless she gets divorced first. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/31 "2009-08-06T15:29:46Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > Yes. I need to hear the voice of sanity and since my friends, so far, have been unable to provide it. I came begging for advice from my virtual ones. > ::group hug:: Your friends sound irresponsible, thoughtless and stupid. Of course it’s the wrong thing to do. If she wants to leave her husband, that’s her choice, but you shouldn’t get involved in breaking up her marriage. ---
**Author:** ![RedBloom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dbc845/32.png) [@RedBloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedBloom)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/32 "2009-08-06T15:34:32Z")
I had numerous friends (when I was single) who dated married men. I had a complete lack of respect fror them then, and I still do. I suspect they have complete lack of respect for themselvs as well. Your decision is yours alone, but I would not waste your time on a married woman who is willing to fuck you on the side. Bad news, and some severe lack of integrity on both parts. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/33 "2009-08-06T15:35:57Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Also, this is the second cheating thread in 24 hours, and another poster is getting a divorce. Is it the full moon? With all this, plus some RL cases, I’m starting to come to the conclusion that there is a stupiditis virus going around the world. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/34 "2009-08-06T15:37:47Z")
Why make yourself a part of someone else’s unhappiness? Additionally, she is a classmate, so if you get involved, there will be fallout that will come back to you in school. Do you really want to get sucked into a world of drama? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/35 "2009-08-06T15:40:11Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > This is the deal. Currently I am in an Master in law course. In that master, I’ve met a girl. Everyone, myself included, concludes that there is something between her and me: I really like her and she, apparently, likes me. > The problem is that she is married. > Everyone tells me to go for it and that it’s her husband problem (if there is any). She doesn’t have any children and she doesn’t seem to love her husband: in fact one of the things I don’t like about her is that she shows a certain lack of respect for him. > Finally, I like her but not love her. > I confess that my life is pretty boring, married people (even people in a relationship) have been, so far, off the limits for me, so I need advice. > Please tell me your experiences. The fact that you are even asking this question saddens me. Whatever happened to the concepts of honor and integrity and self-control in our society? Dude, she’s married. She’s off limits - period, end of statement. It doesn’t matter one bit what your perception of her marriage is. She’s married - that’s all that matters. Back off and find someone single. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/36 "2009-08-06T15:51:58Z")
Here is the justification I created when faced with a very similar situation: Well, she’s obviously going to cheat on her hubby anyway. It might as well be with me, a respectful and disease-free person, as opposed to some putz who might rat her out, give her a disease or beat the crap out of her. Luckily, I thought about how I would have felt when I was married, and eventually shot down my rationalization. I can’t say that this was easy, since she was pretty hot. And I was already separated and single by then, so I had no “back-up”. But I did the right thing by telling her that I’d prefer to remain friends. A couple of my friends that met her still can’t believe that I didn’t go for it. Edit: Also, she agreed to remain friends, but I haven’t heard from her since. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/37 "2009-08-06T16:00:38Z")
> [@Shamozzle](#): > > Be a grown-up. What, you didn’t get that shit out of your system when you were a kid? Find some of his previous threads (if I got the poster right). This isn’t the OP’s most interesting relationship thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/38 "2009-08-06T16:13:36Z")
Don’t do it. EOS. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/39 "2009-08-06T16:16:19Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I don’t see why you think you need to sleep with her unless you are just perpetually horny. That is what sluts, hookers, and fat chicks with low self-esteem are for traditionally speaking and the consequences are much less (even if you get the clap). If you just like her as a person, why don’t you just be a good friend to her? Some spouses tolerate that type of thing fairly well but not all people can pull it off without screwing up everything that way too. You’re such a prize. No wonder your wife divorced you. Pity she didn’t do it years earlier. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/40 "2009-08-06T16:26:39Z")
Think of it this way: There are three billion women in the world, and you’re focused on this one. That’s kind of like going to a free all-you-can-eat buffet and stealing food off of another man’s plate. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=3)