# Should I cheat on her husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490 "2009-08-06T02:07:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/41 "2009-08-06T16:32:33Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > You’re such a prize. No wonder your wife divorced you. Pity she didn’t do it years earlier. Personal insults aren’t allowed in MPSIMS, **Telperien**. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/42 "2009-08-06T16:35:38Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > You’re such a prize. Thank you. There is actually lots of wisdom embedded in that post and it has nothing to do with me. If you are in that situation, you have to figure out what your priorities are. I get the feeling the OP really just wants to get in her pants and that is way too dangerous. If that isn’t the case, being friends may be a good option if he just enjoys her company although the situation sounds extremely immature for someone and his friends in their 20’s. If emotions start to run a little high, he may have to cut off most contact but that is a little harder if it is a classmate. People in similar situations at workplaces do it all the time though. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/43 "2009-08-06T16:45:46Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > The problem is that she is married. Note to **Estilicon** : The above is your first clue whether someone is dating material. (Hint, the answer is “no.”) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/44 "2009-08-06T16:52:03Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Also, this is the second cheating thread in 24 hours, and another poster is getting a divorce. Is it the full moon? It is, in fact! But cheating is not exactly a new fad. I believe that the rates of cheating have stayed more or less the same across millenia and across cultures. Did you know that the rate of women cheating is more or less the same in places like Iran and Saudi Arabia as it is in other cultures? I think that’s really fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/45 "2009-08-06T17:02:06Z")
Bad juju. Bad, bad, bad: Marriage is supposed to be a serious commitment; interest in participating in that kind & level of deception indicates that the deceiver does not, frankly, take the commitment particularly seriously. So: Say you involve yourself in a “relationship” with this woman. You’re looking for a commitment from a woman who’s a coward - and dishonest, to boot. Rather than laying it out & telling him it’s not working, she willing to deceive the man to whom she made what was supposed to be a lifelong promise. If you get involved on a purely sexual level,…well, even if you get involved in a ‘relationship’, I’d get tested for everything, frequently. She’s proven she’s willing to actively deceive her husband; why would she mention to you (some guy) that she has an STD? I know a person who lies about one thing might not lie about other things, but why risk it? Something, too, that I haven’t seen mentioned is this: You mention that you dislike the fact that she shows “disrespect for him”. That tells you something about her personality that should be a red flag. And while you wouldn’t be breaking her promise to her husband, you _would_ be helping _her_ break a promise to her husband. Saying that if you don’t, some other guy will is just equivocation on your part. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/46 "2009-08-06T17:10:07Z")
…And on a more physical level, there’s the aforementioned possibility of her husband grabbing a weapon and coming after you. No good. ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/47 "2009-08-06T18:11:03Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Find some of his previous threads (if I got the poster right). This isn’t the OP’s most interesting relationship thread. You got the wrong guy. This is my first thread about this subject. ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/48 "2009-08-06T18:31:14Z")
I needed to hear the voice of sanity because this situation has been going for almost a year. There was always flirting but I consider flirting something pretty mild. The thing is that a couple of months ago, in a party (her husband wasn’t there), she told me: She: You really like me, don´t you? Me: … but you are married. She: That depends on the guy (I don’t know exactly what she meant but I have a pretty good idea). Finally, last Saturday we were at another party and I was inches away from taking her home. Again, her husband wasn’t there. If you add to this whole situation that I broke with my girlfriend almost a year ago, that between college and work I don’t have much personal time, that I am not into hookers and that my friends are not helping, the situation is pretty difficult. And there is something more: I know, because she told other friends, that her husband has cheated on her at least on one occasion. But all of this is the trained lawyer rationalizing the fact that he wants to get laid with her. As I said I value the voice of sanity. ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/49 "2009-08-06T18:31:51Z")
My old position on this issue was, “If it doesn’t bother her, it shouldn’t bother me.” As I’ve aged, though, that’s changed. While there’s still no obligation to consider the husband’s needs or feelings, it’s just somewhere I could no longer go if I were still single unless I loved and intended to be with the woman in a long-term relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/50 "2009-08-06T18:38:04Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > She: You really like me, don´t you? > Me: … but you are married. > She: That depends on the guy (I don’t know exactly what she meant but I have a pretty good idea). > > . . . I know, because she told other friends, that her husband has cheated on her at least on one occasion. Sounds like she’s trying to line you up as the latest tool in her ongoing revenge. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/51 "2009-08-06T19:30:38Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > I know, because she told other friends, that her husband has cheated on her at least on one occasion. But all of this is the trained lawyer rationalizing the fact that he wants to get laid with her. Well, then from a purely legal perspective - I have exactly zero non-TV knowledge of the law, but you would likely know whether this is true: if he’s cheated and she hasn’t, isn’t she in a better position if she decides to divorce him? And if so, why help her throw away that bargaining chip? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/52 "2009-08-06T19:42:28Z")
I was going to tell you that instead of just sleeping with her you should get her to leave her husband first then have sex with her and quickly bail afterwards. Based on your last post where they are both cheating on each other I’d say go for it just get yourself tested afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/53 "2009-08-06T19:43:51Z")
The answer is a resounding No. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/54 "2009-08-06T19:45:02Z")
I’m also in the “don’t do it” camp, but folks, let’s go easy on **Estilicon**. When I was in my mid-20s I had a similar circumstance with a married woman I worked with, and the right thing to do was _much_ less obvious to me at the time. (Nothing ended up happening, by the way.) Though, to say **Esty** and his friends have some growing up to do is not necessarily an insult. Didn’t we all at that age? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/55 "2009-08-06T19:45:26Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > If you add to this whole situation that I broke with my girlfriend almost a year ago, that between college and work I don’t have much personal time, that I am not into hookers and that my friends are not helping, the situation is pretty difficult. No, actually, the situation isn’t pretty difficult. You’re making it difficult by considering what is clearly an unwise course of action. This woman (do I sense a pattern?) appears to be a wack job and you find yourself attracted to her against your better judgment. Stop listening to your penis. It hasn’t been doing a good job so far. ---
**Author:** ![TheGrinReaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2acd7d/32.png) [@TheGrinReaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheGrinReaper)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/56 "2009-08-06T19:53:46Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > This is the deal. Currently I am in an Master in law course. In that master, I’ve met a girl. Everyone, myself included, concludes that there is something between her and me: I really like her and she, apparently, likes me. > The problem is that she is married. > Everyone tells me to go for it and that it’s her husband problem (if there is any). She doesn’t have any children and she doesn’t seem to love her husband: in fact one of the things I don’t like about her is that she shows a certain lack of respect for him. > Finally, I like her but not love her. > I confess that my life is pretty boring, married people (even people in a relationship) have been, so far, off the limits for me, so I need advice. > Please tell me your experiences. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/57 "2009-08-06T19:57:36Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > I was going to tell you that instead of just sleeping with her you should get her to leave her husband first then have sex with her and quickly bail afterwards… Yeah, that will prevent all the possible negative outcomes that people have described in this thread. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/58 "2009-08-06T19:59:54Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > No, actually, the situation isn’t pretty difficult. You’re making it difficult by considering what is clearly an unwise course of action. This woman (do I sense a pattern?) appears to be a wack job and you find yourself attracted to her against your better judgment. > > Stop listening to your penis. It hasn’t been doing a good job so far. What pattern? I told you, you got me confused with someone else 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/59 "2009-08-06T20:14:11Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Don’t do it. She chose to get married. She can choose to leave the guy. In which case she’s fair game, but don’t poison it. +1. I have no personal experience with this, but from Dear Abbey the “I don’t love my husband, my wife doesn’t understand me” justification seems to be a lie up there with “the check is in the mail.” Is she really doesn’t love him, she can do something about it. Plus, it sounds like the entire world knows your business. Succumbing to temptation will not make you look good. However, if you ever to wish to run for office as a Republican, this could be good practice. d&r ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/60 "2009-08-06T20:18:11Z")
If you like her, she likes you, she doesn’t lover her husband anymore, and you want to fool around no problem. Have her get a divorce first. Until then she is a spineless person for not doing so. Fucking someone without a spine is sooo gross. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=4)