# Should I cheat on her husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490 "2009-08-06T02:07:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/61 "2009-08-06T20:18:18Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > snip That is what sluts, hookers, and fat chicks with low self-esteem are for traditionally speaking Yeah OP - best you hold on for your Madonna :rolleyes: Anyway sounds like your “friends” just want to sit back and watch the fireworks. If she doesn’t respect her husband then she doesn’t respect herself and you’re even further down the food chain. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/62 "2009-08-06T20:30:15Z")
[Robot from Lost in Space] Danger Will Estilicon! Danger! [/Robot from Lost in Space] Do not get involved with her. It will turn out bad in the end. I was in a similar situation, except she wasn’t even married yet! Had wedding plans, but hadn’t had the ceremony yet. I refused to get involved in that mess, and I am so happy for not doing it. And yes, this was someone I was very attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/63 "2009-08-06T20:34:50Z")
I say go for it. Sure, there’s risk involved. He might beat you senseless. You might regret it. It could make things awkward in class. It could lose you some friends that share the opinions of the other Dopers in this thread. But there is absolutely NO reason to respect her husband or her vows. Don’t let that be the reason you back off. If I were married, I wouldn’t expect other guys to back off of my wife. I’d expect \*her \*to be faithful. It’s not your job to strengthen their marriage. Honestly, I’ve never understood those that treasure _other people’s_ marriages. The sex world is a competition. You don’t win competitions by asking yourself “If I were the other guy, wouldn’t I want someone to let me win?” If you take the safe route, the worst that happens is you miss out on some tail. So that deserves some consideration. FTR, all this would be null if there were kids involved. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/64 "2009-08-06T20:34:54Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > Yeah, that will prevent all the possible negative outcomes that people have described in this thread. :rolleyes: There is no way to completely avoid the problems but it solves two of the important ones sleeping with a married woman and then being stuck in a relationship with someone who would cheat on their husband. As for the problems with the husband those exist any time two guys like the same girl and there is no way around that. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/65 "2009-08-06T20:38:07Z")
From personal experience I can say I believe you will unnecessarily drag yourself into a pile of emotional and moral muck if you involve yourself with someone who is married and has not at least reached the “we’re separated, don’t live together, and will be getting a divorce” stage. If you don’t have the sense to stay far away from the possible consequences that can result from a course such as this then IMHO you will likely earn everything you deserve when it all falls down around you. Please do not regard this as an attack on your or anyone else’s character here in this thread. I can just state that as a member of ‘the other guy’ club, I can keep good comfort in the knowledge that the same kind of woman who would cheat on her husband will also likely cheat on the next guy - when the situation suits her. That fact amuses me to no end. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/66 "2009-08-06T21:10:30Z")
In a addition to all the other good reasons mentioned, you will be creating a barrier to actually meeting a woman with potential. How big of a barrier is hard to say. Maybe it will be just a few weeks of distraction, maybe it will be a years-long reputation as a drama-laden homewrecker. “My last girlfriend was married” is not a ringing endorsement. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/67 "2009-08-06T21:34:50Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > There is no way to completely avoid the problems but it solves two of the important ones sleeping with a married woman and then being stuck in a relationship with someone who would cheat on their husband. As for the problems with the husband those exist any time two guys like the same girl and there is no way around that. I should have been clearer. I meant that “getting her to leave her husband” could result in similar outcomes, whether or not he has sex with her. If that’s the intent, he may as well just have sex with her. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/68 "2009-08-06T21:57:47Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > FTR, all this would be null if there were kids involved. Why the disclaimer? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/69 "2009-08-06T22:08:14Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > I should have been clearer. I meant that “getting her to leave her husband” could result in similar outcomes, whether or not he has sex with her. If that’s the intent, he may as well just have sex with her. Ahhh, in that case I agree with you that the guy will be equally pissed but in general people look down less on someone who remained chaste but followed their heart. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/70 "2009-08-06T22:10:34Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > What pattern? I told you, you got me confused with someone else 🙂 Sorry, I missed that response. I apologize for mixing you up with another poster, one who got himself into situations like this time after time. Still, I think it’s a big mistake. You shouldn’t hook up with this woman because you know it’s the wrong thing to do. Someone else said that sex is a completion, which may be true to some extent, but relationships aren’t. The only way this even remotely makes sense is if you are looking for a quick, no strings, lay, and you really don’t have any feelings about her. But since she’s already playing games I’d run far away and fast. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/71 "2009-08-06T22:33:45Z")
> [@Estilicon](#): > > This is the deal. Currently I am in an Master in law course. In that master, I’ve met a girl. Everyone, myself included, concludes that there is something between her and me: I really like her and she, apparently, likes me. > The problem is that she is married. > Everyone tells me to go for it and that it’s her husband problem (if there is any). She doesn’t have any children and she doesn’t seem to love her husband: in fact one of the things I don’t like about her is that she shows a certain lack of respect for him. > Finally, I like her but not love her. > I confess that my life is pretty boring, married people (even people in a relationship) have been, so far, off the limits for me, so I need advice. > Please tell me your experiences. Can I ask what is your point in opening this disussion? Since you are in a master program (something like a US masters degree?) can I assume that you aren’t a complete imbecile? Can I also assume that this program is on planet Earth and you have a vague notion of what most hu-mons consider “right” and “wrong”? I can also assume from a quick look outside that this woman isn’t the last woman on the planet either. So all of these assumptions beg the question, what exactly do you expect to hear? Basically what you are asking is if you should go to bed with some married slut just because you probably can. You don’t want a long-term relationship with her. You know it’s wrong. So what is the question? Are you looking to win the respect of guys like **Chessic Sense** who apparently think that getting as much ass as possible is important? Also bear in mind that your classmates have no stake in the outcome of your decision. They are all for you sleeping with her simply because it will add some drama to their otherwise dull existance, regardless of what happens to you. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/72 "2009-08-06T22:55:40Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Why the disclaimer? Because by doing the girl, he’s fucking over the husband. I’m cool with that, in the same way I see the winning sports team as “fucking over” the losing team. But I’m not cool with doing that to kids. Adults are allowed to compete with other adults, not with kids. > [@msmith537](#): > > Are you looking to win the respect of guys like **Chessic Sense** who apparently think that getting as much ass as possible is important? Never said he’d win my respect. Just that we wouldn’t lose it. I warned him that he’d be in for some drama almost guaranteed, but I said that might be worth it anyway. Nowhere did I say he’d earn my respect or that getting as much ass is important. It’s just that I don’t really care what others do in the bedroom and if he’s going to steal someone else’s girl (who’s complicit in it, mind you) then it’s not really something to hold against him. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/73 "2009-08-06T23:15:57Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Because by doing the girl, he’s fucking over the husband. I’m cool with that, in the same way I see the winning sports team as “fucking over” the losing team. Those two things are not remotely similar. It says little for your sense of perspective and your reasoning ability that you believe they are. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/74 "2009-08-06T23:36:16Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I say go for it. > > Sure, there’s risk involved. He might beat you senseless. You might regret it. It could make things awkward in class. It could lose you some friends that share the opinions of the other Dopers in this thread. But there is absolutely NO reason to respect her husband or her vows. Don’t let that be the reason you back off. If I were married, I wouldn’t expect other guys to back off of my wife. I’d expect \*her \*to be faithful. It’s not your job to strengthen their marriage. > > Honestly, I’ve never understood those that treasure _other people’s_ marriages. The sex world is a competition. You don’t win competitions by asking yourself “If I were the other guy, wouldn’t I want someone to let me win?” > > If you take the safe route, the worst that happens is you miss out on some tail. So that deserves some consideration. > > FTR, all this would be null if there were kids involved. Are you a Steelers fan, perchance? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/75 "2009-08-06T23:37:13Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Never said he’d win my respect. Just that we wouldn’t lose it. I warned him that he’d be in for some drama almost guaranteed, but I said that might be worth it anyway. Nowhere did I say he’d earn my respect or that getting as much ass is important. It’s just that I don’t really care what others do in the bedroom and if he’s going to steal someone else’s girl (who’s complicit in it, mind you) then it’s not really something to hold against him. Maybe “respect” is the wrong term. More like he would want to emulate people with your philosophy. There are some (mostly younger) guys (and you can decide for yourself if this applies to you) who adopt an “anything goes” attitude towards women. They take advantage of any opportunity they can. They also seem to take particular joy in sleeping with women who are in relationships with other men, as if it enhances their own manliness. They are often incapable of any sort of serious relationship because for all intents and purposes they view all women as sluts and whores who serve no purpose other than as sexual objects. These guys make amusing characters in romantic comedies as the “asshole player friend” but IRL, they become tedious. And usually they have some fucked up issues anyhow that causes their behavior. I mean unless you REALLY like women (and I don’t get a sense these guys do), the question becomes why are you compelled so much to sleep with women in so many inappropriate circumstances? God forbid you “miss out on some tail” playa’. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/76 "2009-08-06T23:57:18Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > Those two things are not remotely similar. It says little for your sense of perspective and your reasoning ability that you believe they are. What **mhendo** said. A more precise analogy would be if the coach of one team conspires with one of the players on the opposing team to get that player to throw the match for the first team. Honestly, what is the point of marriage if the people in a society don’t feel at least a vague pull of responsibility towards the marriage? If you really feel like it’s just between the two of you and no one else matters, don’t _get_ lawfully married. If society doesn’t owe you the common civil decency not to hit on your spouse, it _certainly_ doesn’t owe you shared health care, tax breaks, or any of that crap. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/77 "2009-08-07T03:54:21Z")
I did it once. I won’t do it again. Unless she’s cute. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/78 "2009-08-07T17:37:31Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Think of it this way: There are three billion women in the world, and you’re focused on this one. > > That’s kind of like going to a free all-you-can-eat buffet and stealing food off of another man’s plate. This is hilarious **tdn**. And accurate. > [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Are you a Steelers fan, perchance? I am, and I don’t agree with his total lack of morals. Let’s not lump us all together. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/79 "2009-08-07T17:42:05Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > This is hilarious **tdn**. And accurate. Thanks. I stole it from another man. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/80 "2009-08-07T18:03:09Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Because by doing the girl, he’s fucking over the husband. I’m cool with that, in the same way I see the winning sports team as “fucking over” the losing team. But I’m not cool with doing that to kids. Adults are allowed to compete with other adults, not with kids. So you have no problem just fucking over" the husband, who for all we know mightr be a great guy, because you think relationships are a game? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=5)