# Should I cheat on her husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490 "2009-08-06T02:07:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Lurking\_Quahog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lurking_quahog/32/21274_2.png) [@Lurking\_Quahog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lurking_Quahog)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/81 "2009-08-07T18:40:51Z")
Do you have a little angel floating over one of your shoulders and a little devil floating over the other? If so, let them fight it out and do what the winner says. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/82 "2009-08-07T20:30:16Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > 1. Honestly, what is the point of marriage if the people in a society don’t feel at least a vague pull of responsibility towards the marriage? > > 2. If you really feel like it’s just between the two of you and no one else matters, don’t _get_ lawfully married. > > 3. If society doesn’t owe you the common civil decency not to hit on your spouse, it _certainly_ doesn’t owe you shared health care, tax breaks, or any of that crap. 1. WTF? You think that society is responsible for keeping marraiges together? Seriously? 2. Well as long as we’re throwing out baseless, non sequitor commands to each other - If you don’t think sourdough pretzels are 1 part salt and 1 part magical, don’t attend African safaris in mid-September. 3. First off, society doesn’t owe me the common decency to not hit on my spouse. Secondly, it doesn’t owe me shared health care, tax breaks, or “any of that crap”. So I guess we agree there. > [@msmith537](#): > > 1. They take advantage of any opportunity they can. > 2)They are often incapable of any sort of serious relationship because for all intents and purposes they view all women as sluts and whores who serve no purpose other than as sexual objects. > 3)why are you compelled so much to sleep with women in so many inappropriate circumstances? God forbid you “miss out on some tail” playa’. 1. That’s why they’re called “opportunities”. 2. So many untruths, I don’t know where to start. Why exactly does sleeping with a married woman mean that the guy thinks she’s a slut or whore? Does it work that way if it’s the husband doing the cheating? Do the women think the man is a slut or whore? It’s more like YOU think that women are sex objects, because you’re under the impression that if only guys would uphold some moral code, then women wouldn’t be able to cheat on their spouses. It’s the males’ duty to uphold the virtue of the chattel. It’s the OP’s fault, you argue. It’s not the woman’s fault here, she can’t help it! She’s not responsible for her actions, the man is! Who’s objectifying whom? 1. Because it’s only inappropriate for her, not the OP. It’s like telling me I shouldn’t eat dinner because “God forbid I miss a meal” when you haven’t convinced me that I should avoid eating. > [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > So you have no problem just fucking over" the husband, who for all we know mightr be a great guy, because you think relationships are a game? The OP isn’t fucking over the guy. The wife is. I gave a little lee-way with the terminology earlier but perhaps I should clarify it here. The OP owes nothing to the husband. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. He has made no promises to the husband and has no obligation to him at all. I personally don’t think he’s fucking over the husband at all. But if you think that the OP is, then it’s perfectly permissible to do so. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/83 "2009-08-07T20:39:37Z")
Let me tell you something, kiddo… I’m not going to give you any claptrap about the lady’s husband or his feelings, or any morality spiel. Of course you can say no, but what’s pertinent to that guy’s marriage is whether or not \*she \*says no. If it’s not you, it’s probably going to be someone else. If she’s not saying no, there is an issue in that marriage, and it has nothing to do with you. I have no idea what created the issue. Maybe she’s feeling sexually frustrated or unloved. Maybe he doesn’t treat her like he used to. Or maybe she’s just a Class-A whore. Either way, that guy’s in a shitty marriage. Since you’re acting selfishly here, never mind how he’s feeling. I’ll tell you the shit WILL hit the fan, and it will not be pretty for YOU. Now if you want to get into the ethics of it all, the choice is obvious. If you’re looking out for yourself, the correct course of action is still the same. You do not want to be there when it blows up. And it will. ---
**Author:** ![Jelymag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jelymag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelymag)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/84 "2009-08-07T20:47:51Z")
Is the only reason you are considering this that you find her sexually attractive? ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/85 "2009-08-07T22:31:16Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Honestly, I’ve never understood those that treasure _other people’s_ marriages. The sex world is a competition. You don’t win competitions by asking yourself “If I were the other guy, wouldn’t I want someone to let me win?” Game Theory 101. Cooperative solutions tend towards better outcomes for all players involved over time. > [@Hampshire](#): > > Fucking someone without a spine is sooo gross. But v. bendy! Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/86 "2009-08-07T22:43:49Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > 1. WTF? You think that society is responsible for keeping marraiges together? Seriously? > 2. Well as long as we’re throwing out baseless, non sequitor commands to each other - If you don’t think sourdough pretzels are 1 part salt and 1 part magical, don’t attend African safaris in mid-September. > 3. First off, society doesn’t owe me the common decency to not hit on my spouse. Secondly, it doesn’t owe me shared health care, tax breaks, or “any of that crap”. So I guess we agree there. 1. - Cool. Been overdosed with gay marriage/other-societal-rights-and-owing stuff lately, which is how _that_ came up. Sorry I took it out on you, that was uncalled for, I agree. Though 1) - yeah, I do kind of think that in a society that claims to value marriage (as US society does) one does incur some responsibility, the same way that I think (that in a society that at least pays lip service to sportsmanship) casual onlookers to a sports game have some responsibility not to bribe the players to cheat either. But I guess I can see your point, which is that this responsibility is certainly not explicitly stated anywhere, and one can thus claim an absence of such responsibility without being inconsistent (well, at least, cheating-on-marriage isn’t stated – I suspect bribing a sports player to cheat is probably explicitly against the law, if s/he’s professional). ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/87 "2009-08-07T23:11:18Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > +1. I have no personal experience with this, but from Dear Abbey the “I don’t love my husband, my wife doesn’t understand me” justification seems to be a lie up there with “the check is in the mail.” Is she really doesn’t love him, she can do something about it. > Plus, it sounds like the entire world knows your business. Succumbing to temptation will not make you look good. > > However, if you ever to wish to run for office as a Republican, this could be good practice. > > d&r Esti is not American. Of course that didn’t stop Obama. 🙂 Once, when I was young – and pretty hot, if I may say so myself – I had a suitor of the married persuasion. The guy was perfect in every other way, except that one. Of course he swore he was separated from his wife, and divorce was on the works. “We just had to get this relationship going”. My answer: “call me when you have your divorce papers”. He hasn’t called yet. I don’t share. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/88 "2009-08-07T23:11:43Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > The OP owes nothing to the husband. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. He has made no promises to the husband and has no obligation to him at all. I personally don’t think he’s fucking over the husband at all. But if you think that the OP is, then it’s perfectly permissible to do so. Yes you do. You (the generic one) owe as much to the husband as you owe to any person in society–decency and reasonableness, at least at first. Put it this way–if one guy gave you 100$ to sucker punch another random guy, would you do it just because you didn’t know your victim? ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/89 "2009-08-07T23:47:49Z")
> [@Jelymag](#): > > Is the only reason you are considering this that you find her sexually attractive? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/90 "2009-08-07T23:51:11Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Think of it this way: There are three billion women in the world, and you’re focused on this one. > > That’s kind of like going to a free all-you-can-eat buffet and stealing food off of another man’s plate. That is absolutely brilliant phrasing. However, the woman in question said ‘that depends on the guy.’ It’s possible she’s in an open relationship - one where the other man is willing to share his food. If you’re really interested, maybe find out if she does have an open relationship with her husband. And I mean find out for sure, and in what way it’s open - open relationships aren’t usually free-for-alls, but have their own rules. Even then, there could be repercussions, if, say, you started to fall in love with her and she just wanted a fuck-buddy. If her marriage isn’t definitely an open relationship, like everyone else I’d say it’s a monumentally bad idea to do anything more than flirt with her. Flirting’s fun in itself, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490/91 "2009-08-07T23:58:26Z")
Stay away. There is nothing for you there but pain. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-cheat-on-her-husband/505490.md?page=4)