# Should I date a devoté? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380 "2012-05-19T01:32:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/181 "2012-05-31T22:01:48Z")
Awesome thread. Keep it updated 😃 Pretty please? 🙂 Also, if there’s a sticky-thread somewhere, wherein Doper Hall of Fame threads reside, I’d vote for this to be added. Interesting as hell. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/182 "2012-06-03T02:56:27Z")
umkay-Are you familair with the site [www.ahiruzone.com](http://www.ahiruzone.com)? It’s a site for devotees (I gather, I’ve read a few stories in there) ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/183 "2012-06-03T07:51:22Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > umkay-Are you familair with the site [www.ahiruzone.com](http://www.ahiruzone.com)? It’s a site for devotees (I gather, I’ve read a few stories in there) I hadn’t seen that site, but I just looked at it. Weird. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2012, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/184 "2012-06-03T07:52:28Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > Awesome thread. Keep it updated 😃 > Pretty please? 🙂 > Also, if there’s a sticky-thread somewhere, wherein Doper Hall of Fame threads reside, I’d vote for this to be added. Interesting as hell. 🙂 _proud tears_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/185 "2012-06-05T04:01:40Z")
So how are things going with this guy? Any updates? Have you gone out with him any more? Wassup? Curious. Curious. Curious. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/186 "2012-06-05T18:40:54Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So how are things going with this guy? Any updates? Have you gone out with him any more? Wassup? Curious. Curious. Curious. 🙂 Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/187 "2012-06-05T19:59:57Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > umkay-Are you familair with the site [www.ahiruzone.com](http://www.ahiruzone.com)? It’s a site for devotees (I gather, I’ve read a few stories in there) > [@umkay](#): > > I hadn’t seen that site, but I just looked at it. Weird. :dubious: I would say that it deserves stronger language than weird: > [@](#): > > “Not everyone who uses a wheelchair is a paraplegic and you don’t have to be a paraplegic to use a wheelchair.” > . > . > . > And then, there is another category of people who might use a chair. People who think wheeling is fun and they will pretend that they need a chair and use it sometimes. > . > . > . > This website wants to unite all wheelchair users, no matter their reason for using a chair. It wants to show that we share many similar struggles while realising that each one of us is unique. I can’t tell anybody if they should or should not use a chair. If using a chair helps you to feel better (mentally or physically), if it makes your life more real, if it brings you closer to others, if it makes you mobile, who am I to judge? And: > [@](#): > > I haven’t done much pretending other than the supermarket pretending you have a bad foot pretending with their “economical” wheelchairs. From that I haven’t gained much more than what I perceive to be the obvious. However the site needs content, so I will list what I have learned. > Don’t be too afraid to ask for help. You are pretending after all, and unless they can read minds, it is quite hard to tell who is and isn’t disabled. Most people will probably be too embarrassed to ask anyways. > Always have a story. It’s good to have a story no matter how rough, just in case someone or their child asks. You don’t want to get caught off guard. Although it is pretty easy to just say I had a car accident a few years ago, and leave it at that. > For men: Don’t put your wallet in your back pocket and go out pretending. You will look quite foolish and fake trying to pull it out. Embarrassed! > When at all possible avoid paying the special lowered fees, and other such benefits of appearing disabled. It’s more of a common sense and common courtesy thing. > Remember to adjust your position in your chair every once in a while. I had a teacher who was a paraplegic, and he would constantly lift himself up by pushing down on the armrests, and reposition himself in the chair. It creates more of an authentic look. It goes on in that vein. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/188 "2012-06-05T22:05:37Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > …I don’t think you should hold it against him… Unless you’re slow-dancing. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/189 "2012-06-06T00:29:23Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I would say that it deserves stronger language than weird: > > And: > > It goes on in that vein. Yes, these are the “pretenders” and “wannabees” that complete the “DPW” spectrum that includes devotees. And they _aren’t_ joking around at all; these people truly do suffer from illnesses that make them feel as though they were born to be disabled, yet they suffer in an ‘able’-body. “Wannabees” are the most extreme of all; they will actually self-harm or self-mutilate in order to make their bodies fit with what they feel they _should_ be. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/190 "2012-06-06T00:36:15Z")
Wait, that isn’t funny ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/191 "2012-06-06T18:08:50Z")
So is this thread done? No more updates? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![umkay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/43a26b/32.png) [@umkay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umkay)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/192 "2012-06-06T18:58:30Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So is this thread done? No more updates? ☹ Geez, nooooosy Nancy, over here. 😉 Mr. D and I continue to see one another. We went out last night, as a matter of fact. Nothing big, just had a late dinner and then came back to my place to watch a movie. I haven’t given “it” up yet, and he hasn’t done anything disturbing yet. But if either of those things happen, you’ll be the **first** to know. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/193 "2012-06-06T19:02:44Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Geez, nooooosy Nancy, over here. 😉 _You_ started the thread. You encouraged such nosiness, no? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/194 "2012-06-06T21:05:11Z")
It’s also a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. :p:D Actually, I assumed no news was good news in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/195 "2012-06-06T22:39:07Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Awww! Well, I share your web-crush on **Jimmy**. 🙂 You think he’s dreamy now, you should see how he smacks down the misogynists in the rape threads. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/196 "2012-06-07T01:56:20Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > It’s also a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. :p:D Trust me, I know _that_. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/197 "2012-06-07T15:04:35Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Yes, these are the “pretenders” and “wannabees” that complete the “DPW” spectrum that includes devotees. And they _aren’t_ joking around at all; these people truly do suffer from illnesses that make them feel as though they were born to be disabled, yet they suffer in an ‘able’-body. “Wannabees” are the most extreme of all; they will actually self-harm or self-mutilate in order to make their bodies fit with what they feel they _should_ be. At my age, I would think I would have seen, or heard, of it all. But the world continues to surprise me. Do they get the concept that by pretending to need, say, the battery power assist chairs that some stores provide, they take the resource away from someone that actually may need it? Never mind – not for this thread. But wow. ---
**Author:** ![tesseract](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@tesseract](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tesseract)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2012, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/198 "2012-06-17T05:49:03Z")
Hi \*\*umkay \*\*- is it inappropriate to ask for an update? Are you still seeing him? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2012, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/199 "2012-06-17T11:32:04Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Yes, these are the “pretenders” and “wannabees” that complete the “DPW” spectrum that includes devotees. And they _aren’t_ joking around at all; these people truly do suffer from illnesses that make them feel as though they were born to be disabled, yet they suffer in an ‘able’-body. “Wannabees” are the most extreme of all; they will actually self-harm or self-mutilate in order to make their bodies fit with what they feel they _should_ be. > [@Bricker](#): > > At my age, I would think I would have seen, or heard, of it all. > > But the world continues to surprise me. > > Do they get the concept that by pretending to need, say, the battery power assist chairs that some stores provide, they take the resource away from someone that actually may need it? > > Never mind – not for this thread. > > But wow. Us SDMB old-timers recall the person with an “interest” in Dorrence steel hooks. Rather memorable poster, that… ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380/200 "2012-06-22T06:36:30Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > … I’m not sure how everyone else is reading that, but as horrified as he was that you suggested he’d get off on dominating her, it doesn’t seem like very much of a stretch to imagine that if he needs her to be helpless to be stimulated (so much so that if she isn’t, he’ll imagine she is), he’s not going to react very well to her asserting herself. That actually \*does \*sound like a bit of stretch to me. Not in the sense that it can’t be true, but in the sense that it seems _at least_ as plausible to spin it in the opposite direction: that his erotic proclivities are tied to an emotional need to be exceedingly deferential, accommodating, or even servile in every day life. (To say nothing of the possibility that his kink is simply his kink, and his personality in non-sexual matters is just his personality, and never the twain shall meet.) Anyway, the whole thing may be a train-wreck waiting to happen for the reasons \*\*Jimmy \*\*and \*\*Ambi \*\*lay out, but it may not, and in any event I think it would be the kind of lesson one has to learn first-hand, through experience. Certainly I’d encourage someone in **umkay** ’s shoes to go for it, and I’d even be wary of overthinking it: (1) nice guy, who’s (2) attractive and (3) attracted to me = green light. For the most part, nothing else should be a problem until it actually is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-date-a-devote/622380.md?page=11)