# Should I get him back or just let it go? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 19, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490 "2011-11-19T22:01:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/21 "2011-11-20T04:32:24Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > How would you even get him back if he’s not actually into you? If he genuinely cared about you at one point but then cheated on you, it might make sense to pretend to take him back and then betray him…but if he never liked you, I don’t really see how anything you do would affect him. She means “get back AT him”, not “get back WITH him”. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/22 "2011-11-20T05:36:28Z")
> [@Lucretia](#): > > In any case, the answer is just to let it go, but in the interest of personal growth, **is it possible to at least consider the possibility that you were just more interested in him than he was in you, and that you want to punish him for that?** Because if that was the case, it’s really something you should figure out a mature response to. Or, maybe he was a self-centered player, I don’t know. In any case, the thing to do is just let it go. That could be a possibility…you’re right. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/23 "2011-11-20T05:37:55Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > **How would you even get him back if he’s not actually into you?** If he genuinely cared about you at one point but then cheated on you, it might make sense to pretend to take him back and then betray him…but if he never liked you, I don’t really see how anything you do would affect him. I wanted to expose him for the vulture he is! If he wasn’t into me like that in the first place why’d he even bother messing with me? why didn’t he just ignore me? That’s what baffle’s me… ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/24 "2011-11-20T05:39:17Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Mr. Tove, please don’t advocate for doing harm to another person via improper use of prescription drugs. > > slm2955, take everyone else’s advice: let it go. I’m sorry you’re hurting. > > Ellen awe thanks, appreciate that! It’s hard because I still have feelings but I’m trying to erase him from my mind.☹ ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/25 "2011-11-20T05:41:09Z")
> [@Ace309](#): > > I disagree with everyone who’s posted in the thread. **slm2955** , I encourage you to make a long, complicated plan to get him back. Then, regularly update us with details. > > Just playing devil’s advocate, here. I’m definetly not trying to get back with him! Never in a million years would I EVER give him a second chance…I just want him to feel the pain that I feel so he doesn’t do it again to someone else! ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/26 "2011-11-20T05:42:19Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > For as much as we worry about what other people think about us, especially “everyone”, it really comes down to this; > > He displayed his true colors, his true character. You know it, some other people (those who paid attention and aren’t morons) know it. It may never be thrown back in his face so that he knows it, but is that really important? Is that what you really want here? For him to know that you think he’s an ass? **Is that going to fix anything?** > > Or is it really only going to make you the ass? You have a point it probably won’t do anything but make me look like an obsessive psycho… ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/27 "2011-11-20T05:54:36Z")
Just let it go. Unless, of course, you can tattoo “Playa” on his forehead while he’s sleeping. This is a joke, not a serious suggestion or incitement to any illegal activity. ---
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/28 "2011-11-20T06:09:39Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > I wanted to expose him for the vulture he is! If he wasn’t into me like that in the first place why’d he even bother messing with me? why didn’t he just ignore me? That’s what baffle’s me… I would like to once again reiterate that I wasn’t there, I don’t know him or you, and maybe it was all as you’ve said, but…maybe he was interested in you at first, and then once you two had spent some time together, he just wasn’t feeling it anymore? If so, well…you know, that happens. It doesn’t make him a bad person. It sounds like he definitely ended it poorly, and that sucks. I’m sorry. It also sounds like you’re fairly young, and he is too (that’s an assumption on my part, if I’m wrong, please feel free to tell me). Many, many, many times young men just don’t know how to end a relationship in a mature manner. It would be the grown up thing to say “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t feel what I thought I’d feel with you. I don’t want to continue seeing you.” However, it may be that he just isn’t mature enough, or plain doesn’t have the social skills to do that. Or, it could be that he just used you for the sex, and then moved on. That happens too, a lot. A _LOT_. In that case, he’s a self centered player. But, now you know that kind of guy is out there. A lot of them are out there. And now, you’re wiser, and you know how to be a little bit more cautious when the next guy comes along. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/29 "2011-11-20T06:20:28Z")
Before even reading the OP I’ll say let it go. Ok, now I read it and I still say let it go. It’s just not worth it. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/30 "2011-11-20T07:27:59Z")
Don’t let him live in your head rent-free. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/31 "2011-11-20T12:41:06Z")
If you are indeed “a force to be reckoned with” **slm2955** , I doubt he would have played you in the first place. Let it go while you’re still ahead. Whatever occurred may be embarrassing for you right now, but to try the ol’ “hell hath no fury” jazz is just downright humiliating. Live it, learn it, love it. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/32 "2011-11-20T13:14:04Z")
When Irish eyes are smiling, ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/33 "2011-11-20T13:47:29Z")
I understand your feelings, but let it go. You won’t teach him any lesson, he won’t ever feel how you do, it will just reenforce his idea that women are idiots to be toyed with. Channel that energy somewhere positive. Or, as **Ace309** says, concoct some elaborate revenge plan and keep us updated 😃 ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/34 "2011-11-20T13:56:41Z")
Maybe _we_ should concoct an elaborate revenge plan. That way, we would be updated \*and \*amused… ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/35 "2011-11-20T14:38:30Z")
Don’t tempt me. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/36 "2011-11-20T14:48:12Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > You have a point it probably won’t do anything but make me look like an obsessive psycho… Yup. And the point is that he was playing a game to hurt you and make himself feel good because he was able to play someone and hurt them. You’re not going to make a sociopath (one incapable of empathy and conscience) feel bad about himself. So if you go out of your way to demonstrate that he did hurt you. He wins again. Hahaha, I really did hurt that psycho bitch, I win again! Yeah, that works out so well, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/37 "2011-11-20T15:03:52Z")
You’re not here to teach him something. You’re here to learn the lessons. Lessons like,’ LeT iT Go!’ If you’re considering what to do to him, how to turn the tables on him, etc. He’s owning real estate in your brain/consciousness/soul, and you don’t want that. He _will_ likely continue being this way with women. Because douchebags gotta be douchebags. You’re not going to change that, and besides, it’s not your job. Drop it, move on with life. This douchebag is not worth one more nanosecond of your time or attention! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/38 "2011-11-20T15:05:09Z")
> [@Lucretia](#): > > I would like to once again reiterate that I wasn’t there, I don’t know him or you, and maybe it was all as you’ve said, but…maybe he was interested in you at first, and then once you two had spent some time together, he just wasn’t feeling it anymore? If so, well…you know, that happens. It doesn’t make him a bad person. It sounds like he definitely ended it poorly, and that sucks. I’m sorry. > > It also sounds like you’re fairly young, and he is too (that’s an assumption on my part, if I’m wrong, please feel free to tell me). Many, many, many times young men just don’t know how to end a relationship in a mature manner. It would be the grown up thing to say “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t feel what I thought I’d feel with you. I don’t want to continue seeing you.” However, it may be that he just isn’t mature enough, or plain doesn’t have the social skills to do that. > > Or, it could be that he just used you for the sex, and then moved on. That happens too, a lot. A _LOT_. In that case, he’s a self centered player. But, now you know that kind of guy is out there. A lot of them are out there. And now, you’re wiser, and you know how to be a little bit more cautious when the next guy comes along. That was almost every relationship I had from 15 to 30. There was something there for both of us. That something for one of us didn’t last long - maybe two days, maybe three months, once five years and a marriage, and then for one of us, the something stopped being there. And usually for the other one of us, the something was still there and someone got hurt. And while not all of my breakups were “grown up” even when they were it wasn’t often the person who did feel was willing to be grown up about letting go and respecting that feeling. There was “but I can change!” “but maybe you’ll change your mind!” “but …!” If he was well intentioned, you owe him respect. If he was a player, he deserves none of your time or effort. The end result looks the same, you drop it. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/39 "2011-11-20T15:12:24Z")
LET IT GO! LET IT GO! LET IT GO! It’s not up to YOU to be a mover and shaker and expose this guy, you’re only staying trapped in his orbit, and there’s a 99.99% chance any “plans” you make are going to end very badly. This sort of stuff is fodder for young adult books and TV shows - fantasy scenarios for entertainment purposes!. You will be making a big big mistake - you aren’t going to succeed at any revenge plan because this is real life. Let it go, move on. He will dig his own grave eventually, if he’s as bad as you make out, but it’s not up to you to start shovelling. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/40 "2011-11-20T15:35:54Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > Don’t tempt me. Be tempted. I think the whole thing begins with a… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490.md?page=3)