# Should I get him back or just let it go? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 19, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490 "2011-11-19T22:01:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![sannemoore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@sannemoore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sannemoore)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/61 "2011-11-22T03:19:43Z")
Get away from him… He is bad news. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/62 "2011-11-22T15:54:48Z")
If he is a big fat phony then you should stay away from him, and if its simply a case of you misinterpreting his signals then you should still stay away from him. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/63 "2011-11-22T16:05:12Z")
In your (generic your, not OP your) mind, even though you may be reluctant to admit it even to yourself, this kind of revenge fantasy almost always ends with the guy realizing how stupid he was, and that not only should he not have played such a cruel game on anyone, but that you are really the one he loved all along. Now reformed, he humbly begs your pardon, and you magnaminously give him another chance and you both live happily ever after. As far as I can tell, this only ever happens in the movies. In real life, you just come across as pathetic, and, depending on what kind of guy he is, he either laughs or pities you. ---
**Author:** ![Noodles\_Fellicini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Noodles\_Fellicini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noodles_Fellicini)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/64 "2011-11-22T17:06:33Z")
Maybe change your name to Taylor and write a hit song about him. And then buy a super cool car and drive by his house. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/65 "2011-11-22T17:21:37Z")
I’m pretty sure this is just a T-bone steak thrown to the Relationship Experts, so I’ll dissent and say that you should do everything you can to make it work with this person, starting with apologizing profusely because when you get right down to it, what he did to you was all your fault. And next time, maybe think about the other person’s feelings a little more, rather than being so selfish. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/66 "2011-11-22T17:37:04Z")
> [@Noodles\_Fellicini](#): > > Maybe change your name to Taylor and write a hit song about him. And then buy a super cool car and drive by his house. LOL! I might just do that. ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/67 "2011-11-22T17:38:29Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m pretty sure this is just a T-bone steak thrown to the Relationship Experts, so I’ll dissent and say that you should do everything you can to make it work with this person, starting with apologizing profusely because when you get right down to it, what he did to you was all your fault. And next time, maybe think about the other person’s feelings a little more, rather than being so selfish. Huh? How was I being selfish? ---
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/68 "2011-11-22T17:39:30Z")
> [@Oy](#): > > In your (generic your, not OP your) mind, even though you may be reluctant to admit it even to yourself, this kind of revenge fantasy almost always ends with the guy realizing how stupid he was, and that not only should he not have played such a cruel game on anyone, but that you are really the one he loved all along. Now reformed, he humbly begs your pardon, and you magnaminously give him another chance and you both live happily ever after. > \*\* > As far as I can tell, this only ever happens in the movies. In real life, you just come across as pathetic, and, depending on what kind of guy he is\*\*,\*\* he either laughs or pities you.\*\* True. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/69 "2011-11-22T17:49:43Z")
> [@slm2955](#): > > Nah, I didn’t want to do physical damage to him, just emotional. I think he’s emotionally damaged enough already. Find a nice guy, have a nice relationship and a nice life - you’ll forget all about Loser Boy. > [@slm2955](#): > > Huh? How was I being selfish? I think **Vinyl Turnip** was being funny. ---
**Author:** ![Horseface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4af34b/32.png) [@Horseface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseface)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/70 "2011-11-22T18:02:56Z")
Not worth the trouble. Leave it alone. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/71 "2011-11-22T19:42:45Z")
I agree that she shouldn’t do it, for various reasons, but I find a couple of reasons given here to be unsatisfactory. You’ll come off as a jerk? So what. Why would it matter that someone you already hate thinks you are a jerk? Unless you are in close social circles, I don’t see any consequences. And why does it matter that the guy wouldn’t apologize? Isn’t the point to create consequences, so that, even if he thinks he’s 100% right, it won’t be in his own self interest? My main reasons for saying no are that you don’t want to give up your personal ethics just to get back at someone. And it’s very likely that even the idea of providing consequences won’t work–you’ll be rationalized as being a crazy. And there’s not really much you can do that would warn other people of his gamesmanship ways. And, four, nearly every jerk like this, if they don’t change their ways, gets their comeuppance eventually. Finally, revenge just is a lousy motivation for anything, really. Once you go down that road, you become a very bitter, horrible person. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/72 "2011-11-23T23:54:16Z")
[Here we go!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=632456) ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490/73 "2011-11-24T01:14:03Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m pretty sure this is just a T-bone steak thrown to the Relationship Experts, so I’ll dissent and say that you should do everything you can to make it work with this person, starting with apologizing profusely because when you get right down to it, what he did to you was all your fault. And next time, maybe think about the other person’s feelings a little more, rather than being so selfish. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson: “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-get-him-back-or-just-let-it-go/603490.md?page=3)