# Should I give my ex the Christmas gift I bought her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317 "2012-12-07T17:43:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/21 "2012-12-07T21:00:11Z")
> [@pricciar](#): > > Sorry about the breakup. It sucks, and the timing makes it worse. The best option is to return the necklace to the store Yep. It’d make me very uncomfortable to receive an expensive (and in my life, $80 is expensive) from someone I’d recently broken up with. I’d feel like I was trying to be bought back and that he might feel that I owe him something because of it. Don’t give it to her. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/22 "2012-12-07T21:01:36Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > \ > > What she is saying is fairly clear, if you choose to hear it. I would bet money that what she is saying is “I like you well enough, but I’m pretty sure I can do better. I’m going to go give it a shot, and maybe if nothing works out we can still screw around together.” \ Oh yeah, I forgot to address that point - this, too. It sounds like she’s keeping you as a back-up plan - to hell with that. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/23 "2012-12-07T21:16:50Z")
A piece of jewelry is a romantic gift (unless it’s from your dad). Don’t give romantic gifts to “just friends.” If you must buy her a gift, make it a DVD or some home-made cookies. Something you would buy for your dude friends. Or don’t. But definitely do not give her a necklace. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/24 "2012-12-07T21:36:32Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > Don’t give her the gift. Too many different opportunities for awkwardness and hurt feelings on either side, particularly if you have been thrown over for someone else. > > If you don’t need the money, hold onto it and give it to another girl in the future. If she really does get back with you next year (not likely, but who knows) you’ve already got some shopping out of the way. I agree with not giving her the necklace. I absolutely disagree with keeping it and giving it to another girl sometime. Every time you see this necklace you will think of this girl. Plus, however slight the chance, your new girl could possibly find out that you bought the necklace for someone else, and that’s really awkward. I know, because it happened to me. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/25 "2012-12-07T21:41:00Z")
I’d hold on to it until after Christmas. FWIW from my experience you cannot be friends right after a break up\*. Usually one person is hoping that if they hang in there long enough they’ll get back together. Later on you can be friends, but not until you both are on the same page about what you want from each other. \*I know, I know, everybody knows somebody who stayed friends with an ex and everybody was happy and got along just fine. Sometimes both people are ready for the breakup. Sometimes hens have teeth too. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/26 "2012-12-07T21:41:33Z")
> [@pricciar](#): > > Sorry about the breakup. It sucks, and the timing makes it worse. The best option is to return the necklace to the store Whether she has a new boyfriend or not. Consider, moving on and forgetting about her as a romantic interest. This. Sadly, time to move on. If you can really be friends with her, without thinking about dating her again, well, it’s possible, but not as often as people think. But staying friends in hope of dating again is, well, that never works out. Look, she’s just had her first bf. She needs to date more people just to see what’s possible. You can’t blame her for that, but you can’t expect her to come back either. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/27 "2012-12-07T22:04:06Z")
> [@kwc27](#): > > We are still “friends”, whatever that means, so what would you do? I don’t really have much to add to what others have said, but I think this pretty much highlights the issue. Even if you do give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s asbolutely honest about taking a break to assess her life and she’s not looking at dating someone else, you’re obviously not on the same page with her. I think what a lot of others have said, that she’s letting you down easy and/or keeping you as a backup plan, is most likely, but I have seen situations where people go on breaks and date others because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do or things were progressing faster than they were comfortable with or whatever. Regardless, if you’re confused, don’t make it worse by sending mixed messages, which giving her the necklace would do. As others said, it has romantic implications, and giving it as a “friend” could mean any number of things. I’d suggest you not wait around though. You don’t even so much have to go date someone else, but at least take some time to learn and move on with the expectation that your relationship is over. For the gift, return it. I don’t do Christmas, but when I do give gifts to people, they have meaning and reflect the nature of the relationship. Even if you do get back together with her between now and then, I doubt that it would even be particularly appropriate considering this break. And if you two do do the friends thing and exchange gifts, it would be even less appropriate to give a friend something you’d give a girlfriend of a year. And you sure as hell don’t want to give to some new girl because, like someone else said, you don’t want to be reminded of this girl when you see her wearing it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/28 "2012-12-07T22:36:57Z")
All right, fine, I’m wrong. Don’t give it to her. And _definitely_ don’t give it to another girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/29 "2012-12-07T22:46:18Z")
Use the money on an eHarmony account! ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/30 "2012-12-07T22:53:08Z")
> [@kwc27](#): > > 100% positive she doesn’t have a new bf She doesn’t have an old boyfriend either, no reason to give it to her. Jewelry is something you give your partner, not a friend. Move on, give it back and spend the money on yourself. Don’t even save it in case she gets you something, if she gets you something it will be out of guilt and not any desire to have you back. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/31 "2012-12-07T22:57:04Z")
Don’t give it to her. 1. If you give it to her, you will eventually start to feel like a chump for doing so, and you’ll feel like a chump every time you think of it for the rest of your life. 2. She probably won’t wear it because there will be a bit of creepy feeling to it. Most likely, she’ll eventually give it to someone else. Return it and buy a feel good gift for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/32 "2012-12-07T22:57:46Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > My father was married with a 2nd grader at 25. Ew. Isn’t that illegal in most states? Anyway, return the necklace, and spend the 80 bucks getting blackout drunk at the bar. Don’t even wait to see if she got you anything. There’s a 99% chance she didn’t, and even if she did, who cares? She’s not your girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/33 "2012-12-07T23:55:13Z")
Expensive jewelry really sez “romantic”, so no. Now, if it was a Jam of the Month club, or something you’d fell OK with giving to a co-worker or platonic friend, then yes. Zipper JJ has it right. But yeah, why not send her a basket of muffins or a bottle of wine or a cute calendar of kittens (or whatever you know she likes)? Return or donate the necklace. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/34 "2012-12-08T17:13:54Z")
**kwc** , get back here. We’re not through with you. Not by a long shot. Seriously, tho, any update? ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/35 "2012-12-08T20:31:44Z")
> [@kwc27](#): > > Now I know girls fib to protect guys from getting hurt, but I know this girl, I read her from top to bottom and I know she would never lie to me. She’s different. I assure you she’s no different. Just trust me on this one. > [@](#): > > A year is a long time to be with someone when you are this young, and I still have very strong feelings for her, and I assume she does for me as well. I’d like to get into a relationship with her again sometime. You’re finished, forever. Sorry. Nobody breaks up with someone for whom they have strong feelings. > [@](#): > > We are still “friends”, whatever that means, so what would you do? I would tell her that I have enough friends and don’t need any more. And then I’d forget about her. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/36 "2012-12-08T21:32:26Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > I assure you she’s no different. Just trust me on this one. > > You’re finished, forever. Sorry. Nobody breaks up with someone for whom they have strong feelings. > > I would tell her that I have enough friends and don’t need any more. And then I’d forget about her. You posted nearly precisely what I was going to. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/37 "2012-12-08T22:07:25Z")
Don’t give it to her, but if you’re not hurting for the $80 why not put it away somewhere and wait and see what happens? If you’re back together you might give it to her next Christmas… Or you might be more sure then that you’re not fated to be together and you can give it to someone else. ---
**Author:** ![kwc27](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@kwc27](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kwc27)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/38 "2012-12-09T17:52:40Z")
$80 is nothing to me but I won’t give it to her. You guys won the poll. As far as moving on, I’m trying my damndest, but meeting new girls is tough, considering where I live and the job I do. I’m a loner, always have been. I liked having a girlfriend, but I’m used to being alone. If I’m a bachelor for a long time, then so be it. Not sure what’s gonna happen with her, she doesn’t go out ever and only has a couple friends. I still see her every now and then because of our jobs. Even if it’s for a few seconds we have to be in contact for a short period of time. I’ve been trying very hard to at least be nice so she can’t say I was a dick to her after we dated. Hard to keep my head up when I’m around her though… ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/39 "2012-12-09T17:55:19Z")
Traditionally you break up after Christmas so you still get the presents. Since she bucked tradition, don’t give her the present. Or if you feel she was being particularly honest and not holding out just for the present, keep it anyway. You don’t owe her anything. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317/40 "2012-12-09T17:56:59Z")
> [@kwc27](#): > > Now I know girls fib to protect guys from getting hurt, but I know this girl, I read her from top to bottom and I know she would never lie to me. She’s different. No she isn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-give-my-ex-the-christmas-gift-i-bought-her/643317.md?page=3)