# Should I go to a memorial service?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-a-memorial-service/843994>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [November 26, 2019, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-a-memorial-service/843994 "2019-11-26T02:03:23Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-a-memorial-service/843994/21 "2019-11-26T22:45:47Z")

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> [@Beckdawrek](#):
>
> Memorials and Funerals are for the living…

Well, I presume there will be some alive folks there. Whether they know you or not I’m sure your presence will be noted and appreciated.

That said, based on everything you’ve shared, I would not go. If it were local, probably. But the flight/hotel aspect would have me reaching for pen and card.

Your heart is already speaking to you about this, tipping you in one direction or another. Listen to it.

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**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2019, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-a-memorial-service/843994/22 "2019-11-26T22:46:12Z")

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Funerals are for the benefit of the living. If you need to say goodbye to him in a formal way, then you should go. IF you’re ok with not doing it, that’s ok, too. A third option may be to watch it online somehow…I know they do that for weddings, maybe they do it for funerals too. Also, most funeral homes have an online registry sort of thing where you can offer condolences to the family if you want.

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**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2019, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-a-memorial-service/843994/23 "2019-11-27T04:30:51Z")

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For some people, funerals are a social status event. My parents would come home from a funeral and discuss who was and wasn’t there. Disparaging both those who they thought should have been there and those they thought shouldn’t. Yeah, they were petty, but the same thing happened with weddings.

Another reason I don’t attend funerals. There’s nothing I can say to the deceased or the living that I should have said while the person was alive. There’s so much “Oh, I was thinking about you!” Ummm…okay, is that why haven’t talked in the past 10 years?

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**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2019, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-a-memorial-service/843994/24 "2019-11-27T05:46:53Z")

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Nope. Knowing what I do about you, the weather should be enough to keep you at home.

Sorry for your lose.

Hope to see you on the slopes this season. Targeted to get up to 3 feet up top tonight. Yeah, we’ll see…

Best Wishes.

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