# Should I go to this BDSM meeting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085 "2003-04-03T00:23:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/21 "2003-04-06T07:44:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Matthew \* > \*\*This is just my opinion, **betenoir** but it sounds like you’re less concerned that the meeting is in a public place that has all the sex appeal of Eleanor Roosevelt and more upset that the lifestyle has become increasingly vanilly, fuzzy and feel good. The dumbing down of D/s and S&M as it were. The \*s are mine. > > [This article](http://www.sexuality.org/latrans.html) by Laura Antoniou addresses some of what you may be feeling. A brief quote below. By no means is this the entire thing and I hope I’m in line with the SDMB policy on quoting copyrighted material. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Mr.Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Matthew)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/22 "2003-04-06T12:23:19Z")
I’m glad you found it of some use and interest, **betenoir**. With any luck you’ll find a partner or group you enjoy and can scratch that kink soon. I only hope the group is as open-minded as they claim and accepts the fact that you may not buy into SSC or RACK or any of the other alphabet soup of feel good nonsense. And it always amuses me, darkly amuses me, when dominants buy into such things in order to be accepted by vanilla society. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/23 "2003-04-06T15:51:12Z")
Just in passing, how will you identify them in the food court? I’m serious – I can’t imagine people wearing, “We’re into bondage - Are you?” or “Desade was right” tee-shirts in a mall. And everyone wearing a pink carnation in their lapels doesn’t seem to apply either (and really no one has a lapels anymore). And I can’t imagine that they specify a specific table either - What if the American Quilter Society gets to that table first. Can you imagine your sitting down and starting a discussion about “cats” and “tops” with that group. Although it might make for an interesting discussion until everyone figures out what the others were talking about. One thing though about a get-together in the mall. I just can’t see the local police setting it up as a sting to catch perverts. A sleazy bar yes, the food court no. I have decided! You should go - if for no other reason than to report back to us on how white bread (or not) it was. TV ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/24 "2003-04-06T16:38:29Z")
I’m seconding TV time’s recommendation. I’ve never been brave enough to go to a specifically kink gathering or club, so I’m awaiting your report, betenoir, with bated breath. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Mr.Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Matthew)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/25 "2003-04-06T17:11:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TV time \* > \*\*Just in passing, how will you identify them in the food court? I’m serious – I can’t imagine people wearing, “We’re into bondage - Are you?” or “Desade was right” tee-shirts in a mall. And everyone wearing a pink carnation in their lapels doesn’t seem to apply either (and really no one has a lapels anymore). > \*\* One of the things used is the [Hanky Code](http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/hanky.html). What color(s) you wear and where you show them tell others what your tastes are. If someone doesn’t start a “Show Your Hanky, Dopers” thread I’ll be really disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/26 "2003-04-06T18:09:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Matthew \* > \*\*One of the things used is the [Hanky Code](http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/hanky.html). What color(s) you wear and where you show them tell others what your tastes are. \*\* So let me get this straight (or whatever). Somebody shows up with black, grey, yellow, mauve, lepord-colored hankerchiefs in their right pocket, and green, robins-egg blue, pink, magenta and rust-colored in the other. That’s not a person. That’s a peacock. 😉 The tee-shirts are making more sense. TV ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Mr.Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Matthew)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/27 "2003-04-06T18:32:51Z")
At least you’d know who to turn to if a sudden fit of sneezing took you. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/28 "2003-04-07T04:38:08Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by TV time \* **And I can’t imagine that they specify a specific table either [** [QUOTE] As much as you can’t imagine it…one of these groups did specify that you could find them by their (non-specific, non-offensive) signs, desiginating the table they had reserved. You obviously underestimate these group’s desire to become the Quilting Sociey of sex. * * * > [@](#): > > One thing though about a get-together in the mall. I just can’t see the local police setting it up as a sting to catch perverts. A sleazy bar yes, the food court no. > > * * * I think it’s worth mentioning here, that being a pervert is not illegal. Much as it pisses Ashcroft off. \*\* \*[ > [@](#): > > I have decided! You should go \*\* :eek: Yes Sir! :o Well what else can I do? Damn those submissive tendencies 😃 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/29 "2003-04-07T04:40:28Z")
What a horrible example of coding. I shold be punished 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/30 "2003-04-07T05:40:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Matthew \* > \*\* I only hope the group is as open-minded as they claim and accepts the fact that you may not buy into SSC or RACK or any of the other alphabet soup of feel good nonsense. > > \*\* I hope so too. Except, I don’t know what RACK stand for. Anyway I missed the food court meeting this month but there’s another one at “Whippersnappers” (it’s a chain resturant. No really) on Saterday. Who want to dare… I mean, encourage me to go? In the mean time I belive I will crawl off to bed with my new copy of “Baise-Moi”… ---
**Author:** ![Pammipoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/87869e/32.png) [@Pammipoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pammipoo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/31 "2003-04-07T07:28:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*and I’ll have to go home to the GF, who doesn’t, doesn’t, doesn’t, isn’t, isn’t, and might(?). (How’s that for obscure posting?) > \*\* Oy…you’ve made my head hurt trying to decode this sentence… ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/32 "2003-04-07T07:34:03Z")
Go for it, bete. Be safe and have fun. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Mr.Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Matthew)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/33 "2003-04-07T11:37:59Z")
Sorry, **betenoir** for being cryptic. **R** isk **A** ware **C** onsensual **K** ink. It’s another feel good, aren’t I fuzzy phrase. Possibly with sugarplums as well. Have fun, serve wll, whimper a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/34 "2003-04-09T01:37:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by betenoir \* > **…but there’s another one at “Whippersnappers” (it’s a chain resturant. No really) on Saterday.** Bahahaha! Too funny! 😃 > [@](#): > > **Who want to dare… I mean, encourage me to go?** I Double-Dog Dare ya! Chicken! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/35 "2003-04-09T01:54:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pammipoo \* > \*\*Oy…you’ve made my head hurt trying to decode this sentence… \*\* 😃 “Intellectual Sadism - The ultimate refinement” Enjoy! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/36 "2003-04-09T13:33:54Z")
As the old saying goes, if you’re not on the court, you’re not in the game. Just so long as they’re not meeting at the food court to plan a bake sale to raise money for some new fetish gear. Now _that_ would be weird. ---
**Author:** ![preacherswife](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@preacherswife](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/preacherswife)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/37 "2003-04-09T13:59:23Z")
Just look for the table with a bunch of nervous looking individuals and a masked, ball gag gimp tied to a chain… Thats the Bible group, the ones at the table next to them are the ones you want… ---
**Author:** ![guitarmax\_99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@guitarmax\_99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guitarmax_99)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/38 "2003-04-09T15:21:55Z")
**Just look for the table with a bunch of nervous looking individuals and a masked, ball gag gimp tied to a chain… Thats the Bible group, the ones at the table next to them are the ones you want…** OMG I laughed so hard when I read this. Great thread overall. I have always thought that people into kinkiness were cool. Personally I think there is a direct correlation between intelligence/imagination and kinkiness. Good luck betenoir. I hope you find what your looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/39 "2003-04-09T16:13:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by preacherswife \* > \*\*Just look for the table with a bunch of nervous looking individuals and a masked, ball gag gimp tied to a chain… Thats the Bible group, the ones at the table next to them are the ones you want… \*\* Bahahaha! Only a “preacher’s wife” could get away with saying that. 😃 But, you are still SO going to hell. And, wait till the preacher finds out. He’ll have you hogtied in that woodshed so fast…oh…wait… you sneaky devil, you! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085/40 "2003-04-09T17:38:17Z")
I gotta ask - is this group called “Munch”? Because that’s what the Indianapolis group is. Nothing like going through the independent newspaper’s activity listings, seeing your username from the SDMB alongside an anagram for SDMB. That _really_ took me by suprise! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-go-to-this-bdsm-meeting/166085.md?page=3)