# Should I have a 3some? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112 "2003-02-06T02:40:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/21 "2003-02-06T05:44:58Z")
My advice, after years or marriage is to always remember which one you are married to. May not apply in your case, but still excellent advice. ---
**Author:** ![Craneop2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Craneop2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Craneop2)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/22 "2003-02-06T06:12:46Z")
My $0.02. You NEVER go into a situation planned! If it happens it will. Just go into a bar or party and see what transpires. If it happens then ENJOY! But don’t get into a situation that you mght have to apologise for later!!! GOSH I’m gettin OLD!! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Blunty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Captain\_Blunty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Blunty)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/23 "2003-02-06T07:36:22Z")
The worst thing you can do is think that your first threesome encounter is going to go perfectly smoothly. It will probably have it’s awkward moments, it’s funny moments, and maybe even it’s painful (physically) moments. Bits don’t always go together in real life as well as they do in our minds. Use protection, be careful, and have fun! Seriously though, you didn’t want advice did you? You were bragging… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/24 "2003-02-06T08:08:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by green\_dragon \* > \*\* > How many dopers out there have done said act and what should I expect? Take it in turns? let them get on with it and switch between them? So many options, so little time… > \*\* Well, more than likely one girl (probably your friend) will be in charge. Go hang out with them, and see where things go. If all goes well, your friend will make a move that signals upcoming sex, and from then on you will just follow her lead. Your biggest fear is system overload. (sorta like that first porn you saw…You remember how you got off in the first two seconds?) If you get out of the game too early, then it is all over. Good luck trying to rejoin the festivities. If you are smart, you will try to keep your wang in them for short periods of time. Above all else, don’t knock either one of them up. You sure as hell don’t want a kid to remember the experience by. ---
**Author:** ![Reuben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@Reuben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reuben)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/25 "2003-02-06T11:25:14Z")
I’m thinking of the prisoner played by Michael Palin in “Life of Brian”, hanging upside down in his dank cell, yelling through the bars … **You lucky bastard! You lucky, jammy bastard!** Because some of us are 30-something marrieds who have just been reminded that they are going to their graves without that particular experience. Not for lack of trying mind you. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/26 "2003-02-06T11:46:39Z")
if it’s a casual thing, go for it. says the girl who had 2 of her guy friends at once 🙂 yes, i’m still friends with both of them, and it’s not an issue. it doesn’t have to be awkward if you don’t want it to be. but make sure you DON’T have deep feelings for either of them, and that you don’t find one much more attractive than the other. that way it becomes a 2some with a spectator, and feelings get bruised. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/27 "2003-02-06T11:51:01Z")
Firstly: I don’t believe you. Secondly: Isle of Man, eh? One of them isn’t **Lobsang** is it? Thirdly: if it’s not going to hurt anyone else, then go for it. You could quite possibly live with gnawing regret forever if you turn it down. Fourthly: you lucky, lucky bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/28 "2003-02-06T12:05:37Z")
I got a similar offer once from a woman, except the third person was going to be a guy. A guy who was a good friend of mine. The two of them had an ongoing sexual relationship. I hadn’t even had sex with the woman alone, and got the distinct impression whe wasn’t very interested in having sex with me alone. I thought (and still do) she wanted to fulfill her fantasy, but had no real feelings for me at all. Besides, the two guy idea was not at all appealing to me. I declined. I don’t regret it. If it had been two WOMEN, however, I’m might well have made another choice. Bit maybe not, if I’d never had sex with them separately. It just doesn’t seem the right dynamics for learning how to satisfy them. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/29 "2003-02-06T12:42:54Z")
The most we ever did was 6. It can be fun but the odds of bruised feeling are cubed…while the pleasure is squared. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/30 "2003-02-06T13:11:42Z")
Oh yeah. Back in the good old days of 1998-2001, I did this sort of thing regularly with my (now ex) wife. It was almost always good fun. The way it usually worked out is the girls would enjoy each other, with some petting and such from me thrown in… then I would step in, and I and a girl would work on one girl, then we would switch girls. Actual sex usually went with the wife first, then the other, and back and forth like that until the end. Oft times, after the first time being with me for each of them, creative things would occur… me taking the other girl from behind while she was going oral on my wife, etc. That sort of thing. With one exception, it never really damaged any of my friendships. The divorce was over something else (actually a lot of small something elses…) If there is minimal risk of repercussions, I say go for it. My new lady is wonderful in all respects, and I love her like no other. I must admit, that on occasion I miss that aspect of my past. If things go well, you won’t regret it. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/31 "2003-02-06T13:34:17Z")
I think I need a shower… I’ll be right back!😉 [sub]where the hell is that hand lotion?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/32 "2003-02-06T13:42:40Z")
Damn. The boy just can’t help it. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/33 "2003-02-06T13:44:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jonathan Chance \* > \*\*The most we ever did was 6. > > It can be fun but the odds of bruised feeling are cubed…while the pleasure is squared. \*\* So why exactly didn’t this happen during Halloween? Come on we had a lot more then just six there. 😃 > [@](#): > > from IrishGirl > says the girl who had 2 of her guy friends at once > yes, i’m still friends with both of them, and it’s not an issue. > it doesn’t have to be awkward if you don’t want it to be. ummmm after reading a number of your posts I have to ask, where the hell were are the Irish women like you when I was there when I was 19 and a horn dog? I mean you all couldn’t have turned into naughty girls after I left did you? That must me it. Maybe I can get lucky in May when I go back. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/34 "2003-02-06T13:44:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by green\_dragon \* > \*\*Hey dopers, > > So I have had an offer from these two women to have a 3some with them…it sounds good but I’m entirely unsure of what’s expected from me lol…anyone got any advice on whether to go on ahead and what the hell to do if I go for it? > > Cheers \*\* Definately not! I’ll break the bad news to the girls. Send me their phone numbers. Winston, _Capricorn_ ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/35 "2003-02-06T13:56:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > Firstly: I don’t believe you. > > Secondly: Isle of Man, eh? One of them isn’t **Lobsang** is it? Agreed … and what a win double, **green\_dragon** and **Lobsang**! … 😃 … It’s like ‘Gregory’s Girl’ meets ‘Fantasia’ ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/36 "2003-02-06T14:18:38Z")
You’re thinking about this entirely too much. You’ll know what to do when the time comes. Also, don’t be too surprised if it doesn’t quite live up to what you’re expecting. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/37 "2003-02-06T15:14:20Z")
Been there. Done that. Showers are fun. Other than that, don’t worry. Guys are becoming so conscious of “what’s expected” of them that they can’t have sex without asking permission. And then they don’t know if he should make her come first, or talk about it, or not talk about it. At the end of all this attempt to deal with expectations, more and more guys are saying they don’t come anymore. No wonder, their natural rhythm has been displaced with trying to do the right thing. Whatever happened to doing what feels right? Doesn’t anybody give a damn what guys want and feel anymore? No, the whole focus for guys is “I must please the women, my desires are not to be trusted, I must know what is expected of me.” Men are turning themselves into machines that service sexual needs of partners. To hell with that. I say go in there, touch, talk, let them blindfold you, express your needs, do what you want. They’ll let you know what they want in the moment. For god’s sake, man, you know what you want! What you don’t need is OUR opinion on whatever it is. End of rant. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/38 "2003-02-06T15:24:12Z")
I’m not finished ranting. Guys _generally_ can jump on a woman and come quickly. Yeah, yeah we all love those long lingering sessions of lovemaking too. It’s just that sometimes our natural instinct is to go for it. But that aspect of male sexuality gets such bad press – it is ridiculed, mocked, and disallowed. A sex columnist got a letter recently from a woman who said her boyfriends weren’t able to come anymore. Well, what do you expect when the general social message is that guys’ natural impulses are a problem, ridiculous, and evidence of the systematic patriarchy that continues to oppress today as it has through all of history. Ladies, you want your man to have fun, let him have his way once in a while – if you even know what it is. And if you don’t know what his natural rhythms are, shame on you for not finding out. End of rant. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/39 "2003-02-06T15:42:59Z")
Don’t do it! Don’t do it! As soon as you get into bed, they’ll tie you up, and leave. Then a big black guy dressed as Batman will come in and have his way with you. I swear, this really happened! ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112/40 "2003-02-06T15:49:23Z")
**Gorgon Heap** is sad. He misses his wife. He wants women. **Gorgon Heap** is a sad, sad man. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-a-3some/153112.md?page=3)