# Should I have offered a tip in this situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 29, 2023, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265 "2023-08-29T04:03:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/1 "2023-08-29T04:03:32Z")
I had to pick up a very heavy but compact\* package at UPS today. My car is a hatchback. There were no other customers when I stopped in, and the young woman clerk offered to help me get it into my car, so I accepted. She wheeled it out on the hand truck. It was tall enough that we could tip it onto the back bumper and then lift and slide it in, in one motion. I might have been able to handle it alone, but I would have risked causing myself a mischief. I am 74, large and apparently healthy, and reasonably strong. I was very grateful, and the only thing that held me back from tipping was a feeling of awkwardness and the lack of time. I thanked her cheerfully, and she made a kind of face that I didn’t understand (I’ll call it a sort of grimace but who knows), sort of nodded and took the hand truck back. The whole thing from lifting the package in to her walking away took at most 10 seconds. I realize that I probably wouldn’t be having these thoughts if it had been a male clerk. I guess I’m answering my own question, but what do you think? \*The package was about 26" x 21" x 17" and weighed over 100 pounds, based on the shipping information I saw. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/2 "2023-08-29T04:24:34Z")
I would likely have offered a tip. You describe her as “a clerk,” which makes me think her main job lies behind a counter; so lifting and loading are extras? The time and effort she gave may have been minimal, but avoiding an injury to yourself makes that a very important extra. Hence the tip. Many years ago (Many _many_ years!) I worked in the lumber section of a home improvement store, and was often tipped for bringing lumber outside and tying it on top of people’s cars. It was part of my job, for goodness sake, but people still offered me tips for doing it. Often the tip made the difference between pizza for lunch or peanut butter and jelly. ---
**Author:** ![alovem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@alovem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alovem)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/3 "2023-08-29T04:32:06Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I am 74, (…) we could tip it onto the back bumper and then lift and slide it in, in one motion. (…) The whole thing from lifting the package in to her walking away took at most 10 seconds. No tip. She doesn’t depend on them, like a waitress does. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/4 "2023-08-29T04:34:40Z")
@Nyvaak , thanks for the perspective. I really hadn’t expected the offer, and I didn’t think fast enough while we were walking out there to have cash ready to hand. I remember many many years ago when I worked in a parking garage that was not self-service, and hoped for a tip when I brought cars down, even though that was the definition of my job. I should remember that more often. > [@alovem](#): > > No tip. She doesn’t depend on them, like a waitress does. Do you think what she did was extra service, or was it something I should have expected her to do? ---
**Author:** ![alovem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@alovem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alovem)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/5 "2023-08-29T04:39:15Z")
Well, I don’t know what the place is like, what their practices are, etc. Ten seconds of work sounds to me like a common courtesy, and, at 74, you should be extended that courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/6 "2023-08-29T04:57:45Z")
So she personally should have made the offer and done the heavy lifting whether her employer expected it or not, because of my age? I find myself resisting that idea, although the reasons are too complex for me to tease them all out. Mainly I guess I would say that it’s not her responsibility (unless her employer says it is), I knew how heavy the package was going to be, and I could have brought a friend to help. Or I could have had it delivered (but that’s another long boring story). This attitude (that it’s my responsibility before it’s hers) is pretty deep in my personality. Anyway, I’m not really intending to jump all over your responses, I’m using this as an exercise to think things through. I appreciate your perspective as well. ---
**Author:** ![alovem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@alovem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alovem)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/7 "2023-08-29T05:02:53Z")
Now it’s heavy lifting? You said it was less than 10 seconds of tipping and sliding. You can always ask the employee if a tip is in order. 74 is old, whether you like it or not. Was she much younger than you? Was she fit? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/8 "2023-08-29T05:09:15Z")
A tip was a maybe, but at 74, do not feel guilty, You did nothing wrong. ---
**Author:** ![alovem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@alovem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alovem)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/9 "2023-08-29T05:18:28Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > This attitude (that it’s my responsibility before it’s hers) is pretty deep in my personality. I gathered that, although I don’t know why. That’s why I’m being blunt about the age thing. If you’ve never been a “what’s-in-it-for-me” kinda person, now’s a good time to start. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/10 "2023-08-29T05:42:43Z")
I see nothing wrong with offering something, as long as you don’t call it a tip. What I mean by that, is after the item is in the car, you pull a few dollars out, saying something like, “Phew! After loading that in this hot weather, I’m going to need a cold drink. Can I buy you one too?” She will say either, “No problem, I’m happy to help out,” or she will take the cash with a “Thanks, you’re right, I could use one too.” She probably doesn’t expect a tip. But she might like something she could put towards a cold drink. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/11 "2023-08-29T06:12:18Z")
Apropos of nothing, the word “tip” in German is “Trinkgeld,” literally “drink money.” I’ve always liked that. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/12 "2023-08-29T10:57:21Z")
OK, I can’t be the only one wondering. @Roderick_Femm, WTF was in the package?!? We need to know! mmm ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/13 "2023-08-29T11:57:10Z")
In a similar but different situation at UPS (many packages, moderately heavy) the guy behind the desk went out of his way to explain that he was not allowed to assist me further than the desk. I’d have tipped for help loading. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/14 "2023-08-29T12:53:10Z")
I hate tipping. I hate tipping culture. I hate that employers can underpay and push employee training and feedback onto customers. That said, I’d have thanked her profusely. I might also have tipped her if i thought about it quickly enough. But i might have just thanked her profusely. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/15 "2023-08-29T13:15:56Z")
I may not be typical, but I would have been just a little offended by the offer of a tip. It was a favor, freely offered. If you’d asked, it would be different. ---
**Author:** ![a6ka97](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@a6ka97](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a6ka97)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/16 "2023-08-29T13:39:19Z")
If I was in the clerk’s position of where tipping isn’t normally expected a genuine and heartfelt “thanks” would have been as much, if not more appreciated than a tip. Plus with her dealing with packages and probably started out as a package handler it probably wasn’t that big of a deal in loading your package into the car. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/17 "2023-08-29T13:49:18Z")
I wouldn’t have tipped. If I was the clerk, I wouldn’t have expected a tip. To me it’s all in a day’s work. Helping someone out for a few seconds shouldn’t mean you have to be paid for it. ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/18 "2023-08-29T13:59:12Z")
I am English, so tipping is not as ingrained as it is in the USA. However, I would have behaved pretty much the same as the OP and not thought about offering a tip until I was on my way home. What I might have done though is to send an email to the depot to express my thanks for the help I received. Even if it never gets through to the clerk concerned, it would make me feel better. When I was a truck driver, we occasionally got letters/emails like that and they were posted on a board in the canteen. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/19 "2023-08-29T14:22:32Z")
Mrs. Cheesesteak had a car battery issue, the guy from AAA gave her a jumpstart, and suggested she get a new battery at the conveniently located Advance Auto Parts store in the adjacent parking lot. The nice lady at Advance tested the battery, declared it A-OK, and cleaned the corroded terminals that seemed to be the cause of all the problems. “No Charge, it’s all part of the service” she says. Nonsense, Mrs. C says, here’s $20, lunch is on me, because you really saved my bacon today. I figure if a service worker did something modest but that really helped you out, a tip is a fine thing, but not a $1 tip. You have to tip at least enough to buy lunch. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2023, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265/20 "2023-08-29T17:51:50Z")
I think friendliness and a thank you are all that was needed, she is already getting paid by UPS. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-have-offered-a-tip-in-this-situation/989265.md?page=2)