# Should I help these two people? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674 "2007-08-23T19:01:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/1 "2007-08-23T19:01:42Z")
So I am going though my spam folder and I see these two emails. First is this one: \*\*From: Audra P. Clinton Subject:My boyfriend’s penis keeps slipping out. \*\* And next we have: **From: Wendy Subject: My boyfriend’s putz is too big for my mouth.** Should I forward Audra’s e mail to Wendy and vice versa and suggest they switch boyfriends? Seems like a win-win scenario to me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/2 "2007-08-23T19:03:20Z")
Hey! They write me all the time too! I also get one from “Robert” who says I can please her with my new **Mega Dik**. Hee. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/3 "2007-08-23T19:03:48Z")
Sounds like the wisdom of Solomn to me. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/4 "2007-08-23T19:06:28Z")
**Rick** , is there anyone you’re not a friend to? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/5 "2007-08-23T19:17:28Z")
Rick. I have never “slipped out” nor has any woman lacked sufficient oral volume (aka: headspace) to accommodate me to our mutual satisfaction. Give these ladies my contact information. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/6 "2007-08-23T19:53:27Z")
**Anaamika** If you respond to that ad, it will mean you can never be my girlfriend. See I responded to a Gigantic Dik ad, and I refuse to have a girlfriend that has a dik bigger than my gigantic dik. **Lieu** That reminds me of the story a coworker of mine told at my retirement party. Two nuns died and went to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates, St Peter told them that due to construction, it would be 3 days before they could come in. As a consolation, he offered them a chance to go back to earth and do anything they wanted to for the 3 days. Any type of sin would be perfectly fine, and not held against them. The first nun said that she had heard many people talk about getting drunk and using drugs, and she would like to experience that. St. Peter says “OK” and poof she is gone. The second nun says that she wants to go back and experience sex. St. Peter asks “With who would you like to experience it with?” “Rick from the Straight Dope Message Board” was her reply Puzzled, St. Peter says "Are you sure? I would have thought you would have picked Brad Pitt, or Daniel Craig, why this Rick guy? “Well”, the nun replied, “I’m not sure. It’s like this, I had several members of my church that belonged to the SDMB and whenever they spoke about Rick they always said “FUCK Rick” so I am guessing he must be a great lover.” **Inigo** be very careful what you ask for my friend, be very careful. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/7 "2007-08-23T19:57:48Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Hey! They write me all the time too! I also get one from “Robert” who says I can please her with my new **Mega Dik**. [/QUOTE] Is that like a **Water Pik**? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/8 "2007-08-23T20:03:26Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] Is that like a **Water Pik**? [/QUOTE] You guys are making me \ at work and my coworker is asking me what’s so funny? Rick, a girlfriend with a dik smaller than your gigantic dik would be OK, though? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/9 "2007-08-23T20:34:50Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] Is that like a **Water Pik**? [/QUOTE] No, no! Water Piks are to _prevent_ cavities. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/10 "2007-08-23T20:45:54Z")
I tried the Meg a dik “and now my tool is badly preponderant than civil.” Ain’t Spam a hoot!? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/11 "2007-08-23T20:47:54Z")
Don’t you mean mecha-dick? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/12 "2007-08-23T20:48:43Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] \*\*From: Audra P. Clinton Subject:My boyfriend’s penis keeps slipping out. \*\* [/QUOTE] _She said she wouldn’t tell!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/13 "2007-08-23T20:50:02Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] _She said she wouldn’t tell!!_ [/QUOTE] Would you like Wendy’s e mail? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/14 "2007-08-23T20:52:09Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] Rick. I have never “slipped out” nor has any woman lacked sufficient oral volume (aka: headspace) to accommodate me to our mutual satisfaction. Give these ladies my contact information. [/QUOTE] How \*\*you \*\*doin’? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/15 "2007-08-23T21:02:28Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] “Well”, the nun replied, “I’m not sure. It’s like this, I had several members of my church that belonged to the SDMB and whenever they spoke about Rick they always said “FUCK Rick” so I am guessing he must be a great lover.” [/QUOTE] That did so not go where I thought it was going. I thought it was going to be a variation of the joke where the punchline is “There is no way I’m gargling with that holy water after Sister Theresa has been sitting in it!” ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/16 "2007-08-23T21:27:07Z")
Imagine my surprise when I was repeatedly informed that I could only (and I’m paraphrasing because spamfilter destroyed them ☹ ) please my woman by increasing my ejakulate. I’ve gone so long without knowing that “ladies want it by the bucket” Alas, woe is me. Why wasn’t this covered in school? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/17 "2007-08-23T21:40:07Z")
[QUOTE=zelie zelerton] How \*\*you \*\*doin’? 😉 [/QUOTE] What, no love for my gigantic dik? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/18 "2007-08-23T22:46:39Z")
I get those too. Here are some funny ones from today. Also, one of these e-mails is not like the other ones. Can you spot which one? From: “Tamika M. Haywood” Subject: My boyfriend’s shaft is too big for my mouth. Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2007 22:12:33 -0400 To: “Glenna H. Feldman” “my email” Chicks always hee-hawed at me and even men did in the urban lavatory! Well, now I laugh at them, because I took M\_E\_G. ADI. K for 3 months and now my peter is extremely longer than world. shop (link deleted) West Indies’ innings therefore was delayed until today. 1896 - Ethiopia defeated Italy in the Battle of Adowa, 1. Bragging or boasting, especially in a false manner and students sent home. of events happening." * * * From: “Lola I. Donnelly” Subject: My boyfriend’s shaft keeps slipping out. Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:15:24 +0400 To: “Chelsea V. Burrell” ## Ladies always whizgiggled at me and even boys did in the not private WC! Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took Me - ga - Di k for 7 months and now my shaft is indeed weightier than world. take up (link deleted) up the ambivalent feelings many had toward Soros that summer: market to determine if it is possible for an individual actor such as Mr. Soros warmed up to the media. He sat down for more interviews after he gave them permission to film in his investment offices in New York Gladstein, turning to the reporter, smiled apologetically and * * * From: “Julian K. George” Subject: My boyfriend’s dick keeps slipping out. Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2007 10:42:04 +0700 To: “Hubert J. Jacobs” ## Ladies always smiled at me and even bucks did in the civil john! Well, now I smil at them, because I took Meg, a dik. for 7 months and now my shaft is excessively preponderant than world. attain (link deleted) But while classical economics taught the concept of equilibrium, These far-from-equilibrium situations took one of two forms. At And markets that feed on their own frenzy always overreact, Market prices were always going to be wrong because they biases of investors and what * * * From: Colon Cleanse Support Subject: Flush up to 20 Excess Pounds out of your Colon! You will see and feel the difference Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2007 15:58:21 PST Did you know the average American has 6-10 undigested meals resting in the colon??? (link baleted) Jumpstart your diet with the all natural Colonex700! Flush 5, 10 even 20 excess pounds from your colon while eliminating toxins and constipation! Try a complimentary 14 day trial today! * * * From: “Freddie D. Carlson” Subject: My boyfriend’s phallus keeps slipping out. Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2007 08:16:32 -0400 To: “Willis U. Silva” ## Princesses always whizgiggled at me and even boys did in the unrestricted WC! Well, now I giggl at them, because I took M E _G\_A\_D_ IK for 3 months and now my dick is greatly more than national. earn (d3l3t3d) rescuers at 11:00 a.m. EST. Yahoo also promised to help advertisers gain phone company is now working on putting search on every phone nuclear reactor was unaffected. HMS Tireless is a The Greek ministries of Public Order and Economy * * * From: “Guadalupe Z. Vigil” Subject: I just started dating a guy I like, but his member is on the small side and doesn’t really satisfy me Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:10:25 +0900 To: “Flora N. Tapia” ## Dames always giggled at me and even gentlemans did in the public toilet! Well, now I whoop at them, because I took M\_E\_G. ADI. K for 6 months and now my member is dreadfully largest than usual. acquire (poof) As for favored status symbols, the luxury hotel suite, the yacht, and the wrong move in the market. For another, I did not really want to the wealthy was mobility. Aspiring to something beyond a life of leisure, and his investment strategies between August 1985 and November the process that is occurring, this revolutionary process, better than * * * I’m interested, but there are so many different brand names. Oh woe is me; which should I choose?! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/19 "2007-08-23T23:01:40Z")
You guys get all these emails? Wow, my spam filter must be better than I thought. Oh well, I guess I don’t mind having a slightly\* less interesting life. \*The use of the adverb “slightly” may be more than a slight exaggeration. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2007, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674/20 "2007-08-23T23:05:43Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] I’m interested, but there are so many different brand names. Oh woe is me; which should I choose?! [/QUOTE] Result is most better when included brand have convenient shaped ladle for bum shoving into! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-help-these-two-people/416674.md?page=2)