# Should I let my 10 year old go full geek? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 21, 2017, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784 "2017-07-21T05:54:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/21 "2017-07-21T20:25:04Z")
Check out the local fencing studio. Fencing is exercise, it is swordplay, and there is also a high percentage of geekdom around. Our studio has its own D&D group. You win with geekery, while sneaking in exercise and athletics - plus it is pretty cool (and can even help with the old college applications in a few years). ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/22 "2017-07-21T20:36:01Z")
Or archery. The girls at my range are so geeky that when I heard they also play paper and pen and card games it was like “no shit Sherlock, next you gonna tell me they all love Brave.” (They celebrate a good shot with yells of ‘Merida, Merida’) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/23 "2017-07-21T20:47:26Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > In addition to this, I’d make sure to talk to him about gender issues. Nerdom has its own types of toxic masculinity and you want to be having conversations that help avoid that. Yes! I was sort of thinking about that, but couldn’t really articulate it; instead, can I just sign on 100% to this? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/24 "2017-07-21T20:49:37Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Also, even within his interests, expose him to different things. Introduce him to Heinlein, Tolkein, Jules Verne, Feynman, Sagan… Absolutely! And when you’re done introducing him to a bunch of white dudes who wrote about science or fantasy and died a long time ago, expose him to different things! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/25 "2017-07-21T21:05:43Z")
It is not perfectly apropos, just kind of, but does this thread remind anyone else of [The Knack?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8vHhgh6oM0) Having raised a pretty nerdy kid, I agree with the advice above. At 19, my kid seems to be doing fine. And one benefit of his nerd identification is a complete disdain for drugs and alcohol. (At his college, “Nerd House” is where all the alcohol-free social events are held.) ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/26 "2017-07-21T21:08:14Z")
My parenting style has been seeking a balance of interest for my kids. My take on being ‘normal’ is being able to have conversations with many different folks. If your son can only have interesting conversations about geek-related issues, that’s gonna be a problem in the future. This is the primary trait I’ve noticed in folks who have gone too far down the wormhole of Star Trek, comics, sports or whatever. However, if he’s willing and able to chat about sports, music, books, nature, etc, I wouldn’t worry about him having a passion for geekdom. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/27 "2017-07-21T21:08:14Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > The geeky stuff is cool; the interactions with adults, though, IRL and online, is something you should maybe supervise. Yep. He’s young enough that you could say to him that you need to go along a couple of times to see what these people are like, and make sure they have your contact details for emergencies and so on. Otherwise going full geek is definitely different these days. It’s almost mainstream. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/28 "2017-07-21T21:30:24Z")
I don’t have any problem with kids and adults interacting, and I think it’s ridiculous to assume something bad about the adults for wanting to play games in public with a geeky kid. Having a youngster who is interested in your hobby that you can help teach about it is always fun. I do think it would be good to encourage him to find other geeky kids. You say he has a set of friends. Are they geeky? Maybe encourage them to set up games, and even host them at your house. That said, I have zero parenting experience, just a little babysitting, and I never had to handle this sort of thing. I just know that I didn’t embrace all the friends my age who were into my interests, when I should have. So I’d like to see that encouraged. And I’m sure the adults would like to do more adult games that a kid shouldn’t play, too. Not all the time, but sometimes. Other than that, I guess make sure none of the adults is grooming him or something. But I seriously doubt it as long as it’s a group, especially in public. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/29 "2017-07-21T21:39:49Z")
As long as he’s having fun with geek stuff, there’s no reason to push him into other activities. I concur with the other Dopers who suggested checking out the adults he’s doing geek stuff with. Not just because of the (rare and unlikely) possible of creepers, but also to make sure that adults are treating your kid in a respectful and collegial manner AND to be sure that and gatherings/events are not geared solely to adults. You want him to have a good time, not to come home dejected because he was shut out by players who dismissed him as a dumb kid, or because jokes and conversations went way over his head. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/30 "2017-07-21T22:53:46Z")
As long as he’s not [pencil-necked,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNM4atakanI) he should be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2017, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/31 "2017-07-21T23:57:31Z")
Being geeky is pretty mainstream now and while I’d want to vet any adults he was hanging around with (not only for contact details, but to make sure they’re decent people and not creepy weirdoes), I don’t know why you’d be worried about it. So what if they don’t wear sportswear and wear T-shirts referencing games or TV shows you’ve never heard of? What I would stress is make sure your son develops good social skills. You can be as geeky as you like nowadays, but being able to have intelligent conversations with people about “normal” subjects, abiding by basic social expectations and not being a smelly neckbeard, etc go a huge way towards being successful. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/32 "2017-07-22T01:45:04Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Nah. If you want him in useful activities that appeal to nerds, in a few years encourage him to enroll in Speech & Debate if your high school offers it. Ain’t no nerds like debaters. And the skills he gains will be helpful in later life, unlike band. After all, how many times has your promotion rested on your ability to march in a straight line while blowing through a curved piece of brass? 😛 Well there was… hmm…er… ok you’re right 🙂 But! The social network of band is well larger than the debate team. I have a lot of friends. Anything the kid wants to get involved in at school is a plus, really. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/33 "2017-07-22T02:46:46Z")
On the matter of kids w/ adults, I play bluegrass music. At various jams, we’ve had some pretty young kids play with us. One fiddler is just about outgrowing us at 16. We play our music at a reasonably high level but are very accessible to anyone of any age - tho we skew older male. Kids who are interested in bluegrass are able to get a lot of experience that they couldn’t within their age group. So there are different groups of adults. Most parents of these kids really appreciate that we welcome their kids, and that the kids have a place to play. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/34 "2017-07-22T03:05:01Z")
This might be a good jumping off point to start teaching him about robotics and programing. Just a thought. It doesn’t get any more geeky than building his own robot. I also agree about fitness. Maybe he’d like a martial art class? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/35 "2017-07-22T03:26:03Z")
Everyone’s geeky about something. For some reason geeking out about sport or cars has been considered standard masculine activities, geeking out about fashion and celebrity gossip is considered acceptably feminine, but geeking out about comic books and games is somehow not acceptable. That has changed in the last fifteen years or so, but clearly it still has a stigma. It’s ridiculous. Like whatever you want to like. As long as it’s sincere, who cares? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/36 "2017-07-22T04:00:03Z")
I so preferred geeks and nerds to the boys who were proud of all the animals they’d shot over the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/37 "2017-07-22T04:53:52Z")
> [@susan](#): > > I so preferred geeks and nerds to the boys who were proud of all the animals they’d shot over the weekend. I was (still am to a certain extent) a geek, and “outdoor life,” including the various hunting seasons, (bow, black powder, and long gun seasons) were all part-and-parcel of our group. We also did camping/hiking/back-packing, canoeing, rock climbing, etc. In fact, I’d say that it made us better role-players in D&D. Like, you _knew_ what a Ranger could and couldn’t do w/a bow-and-arrow, how long it took to reload a crossbow, how Moving Silently _really_ worked, how much Encumbrance _really_ affected overland travel, and how terrain types did same, etc. We didn’t have LRP or SCA to practice edged weapon martial arts, but we did have free Taekwondo classes at our city’s Youth Rec Center, which we all gladly participated in. For a bunch of nerdy geeks who liked to spend time in the computer lab at school, who took Chemistry, Physics, Algebra I & II, Trig, Intro Calculus, etc., and would spend a Friday night playing P&P D&D, Gamma World, Traveller, rolling dice, eating pizza, etc., we were in pretty decent shape, and could handle ourselves when some jock d-bag decided he was going to thump on some nerds. When word got out that we owned\* and were proficient with firearms, and hunted, the harassment level from “the cool kids” dropped considerably. \*This was waaay pre-Columbine, by 15 years +/-. We didn’t literally “own” any firearms at that age; they were technically our parent’s guns, typically our Dad’s. But they were “our” guns, rifles and shotguns, inasmuch as we were responsible for them, kept them clean and well maintained, and used them when we went out hunting. When we turned 18, and could legally own said long guns, then they literally did become our guns. To the OP: not much for me to add to what’s already been said; sounds like you got a good kid, let him have some fun with it for now. If he “dives in” so hard that his grades start falling off, or he starts withdrawing socially, then you should step in as a parent and get him to pull back a bit and re-engage. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/38 "2017-07-22T04:54:31Z")
> [@Turpentine](#): > > All of it’s fine, except for the part where he’s spending a lot of time with geeky adults. There are perfectly harmless adult geeks, and some positively creepy ones. Shouldn’t the geeky adults be hanging around with other geeky adults and not kids? Depends on the setting. Something like Friday Night Magic at a game shop is open to anyone so you’ll get a mix of ages. Back when I played, I sometimes wound up playing against someone 10-14 years old. My D&D game has a 14 year old in it. The store we play at tries to match people into games so, if you tell the owner that you have a slot and later that week a 14 year old asks “Any openings in D&D games?” then you’re going to have a 14 year old joining the table. Of course, this is in a public place and his father sometimes shows up to drop him off or pick him up so it’s different from him going into some strange dude’s basement for five hours. ---
**Author:** ![Mesquite-oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@Mesquite-oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mesquite-oh)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/39 "2017-07-22T06:29:20Z")
Thanks for all the suggestions. I thought that this op would turn out to be more of an emotional debate than it did. My wife and I certainly have serious discussions about the issue! To be a little bit clearer, at this point, my son mostly plays Magic either with store employees or official game organizers at the stores. These people have been incredibly nice to my kid, playing with him, coaching him, and giving him all sorts of free goodies. He has played a few times with beginner adults at these events. My wife is always supervising him. My wife loves the “everyone is welcome” vibe that occurs (at least before the serious players come in). My son has said that he wants to start a Magic club at his school so he can play with guys his own age. I am 100% behind this. I hear you about the exercise thing. We have gone through almost every team and individual sport without much success. Luckily, he loves the water, he loves his trampoline, and he can hike and bike like a man when he is with me. Just don’t ask him to do it better than anyone else, he is morally opposed to that. Today we had a discussion about his backpack. He is ditching his black Nike bag and going with a Hylian Shield backpack this year. I know that you all know the one I am talking about- the bright blue one that is about 1.5 feet across and about 2 ft high. Every comic book shop has it. This time, my “just leave him alone” wife expressed her concern that he will be the only child in the grade with a “character” backpack. I talked it over with the the kiddo, and with his chin up and a smile on his face he said that he was willing to deal with whatever comes his way. Apparently, it is more important that he be recognized by the 5 to 10 kids who know what it is than to have the rest of the school think that he is a bit off. I told him to have a good time. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2017, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784/40 "2017-07-22T12:33:40Z")
The only thing I can think of that hasn’t been mentioned is to make sure they understand the geeky/nerdy stuff isn’t actually real, and should be a part of their life…not define it. You don’t want him to the be the kind of person that regularly wears Harry Potter robes everywhere (there’s a difference between wearing character t-shirts and dressing like them) and starts wanting to be referred to a Grogak the Destroyer. You can love the geeky stuff and delve deeply into it, you can have it inspire you and give you confidence, but when you start to treat it like it’s real, and it starts replacing the reality of your life, that’s when it get’s too much [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-let-my-10-year-old-go-full-geek/791784.md?page=3)