# Should I make my feelings clear to my teacher? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 25, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583 "2014-06-25T04:18:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/21 "2014-06-25T06:53:54Z")
Ha, that’s some pretty clear consensus advice their. I agree. In regard to this piece > [@](#): > > I think I am kind of a guy who easily falls in love with every woman who treats me with a slightest pleasantness. And I should find a way to stop that. I’d like to suggest I think you are probably right on both counts. You most likely are the kind of guy who falls for any girl who’s nice to you and yes having recognised that trait you should stop it. When the girl at the supermarket checkout smiles and asks how you are when you go to pay for your groceries, she’s not flirting. When the girl at the drive through asks if you want fries with that, she’s not chatting you up and it’s not a euphemism She’s doing her job and is being nice at the same time. leave it at that, don’t embarrass her and yourself. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/22 "2014-06-25T06:59:27Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > No. > > FTR: I only had to read **the first four words of your post** before I had my answer. “Should I make my”? Or did you skip the title and go straight to: “Greetings, I am a” ? Either way, damn, you are really good. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/23 "2014-06-25T07:05:41Z")
Another vote for ‘hell no’ here. It’s marginally, fractionally, remotely possible that the teacher has some sort of feelings for you BUT it’s much, much more likely that she’s being friendly for some professional reason - such as (example) having perceived that you are a little insecure or lack confidence - or that you’re simply imagining that she treats you differently from everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/24 "2014-06-25T07:14:47Z")
If you have to ask, the answer is no. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/25 "2014-06-25T07:25:49Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > “Should I make my”? > > Or did you skip the title and go straight to: > “Greetings, I am a” ? > > Either way, damn, you are really good. 🙂 I was referring to “I am a single male” Yeah, I totally fucked that up. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/26 "2014-06-25T07:32:42Z")
Even _I_ can tell you that this is a bad idea. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/27 "2014-06-25T07:35:17Z")
Nothing ventured nothing gained, and you can’t win if you don’t play. Go for it. There is a one in a million chance she will be into it. The other 999,999 times won’t end well but that’s her loss right? Learn a cute way to ask her out in German to increase your odds by a tiny bit. Either way it will be the end of any confusing pleasantness she treats you with. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/28 "2014-06-25T08:46:58Z")
Hang on, he’s 21! it is a private lesson, he’s not a kid and it isn’t primary school. Apparently the age difference isn’t huge so I don’t see this as anything other than two adults who may or may not be attracted to each other and would recommend treating it as such. Ignore the apocalyptic predictions of others in this thread. Don’t rush it, check out the lie of the land a bit and it’ll become apparent whether feelings are reciprocated. Treat her with respect and be prepared for disappointment should it lead nowhere but there’s no reason why the world should end. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/29 "2014-06-25T08:47:51Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/30 "2014-06-25T09:29:03Z")
> [@MaverocK](#): > > She looks at me with a smile, and for example, a week ago she said to me “you have nice hobbies” when I was talking with some other students. Neither of these things are indicative of her flirting with you. I’m suspecting you weren’t particularly well treated by the girls you went to school with, and are therefore a bit overexcited now that a woman is being nice to you. But “being nice to you” does not mean “wants to date you”. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/31 "2014-06-25T09:55:18Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Hang on, he’s 21! it is a private lesson, he’s not a kid and it isn’t primary school. On the off chance that your post isn’t satire, student teacher pairings are unethical at any age. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/32 "2014-06-25T10:10:00Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Neither of these things are indicative of her flirting with you. > > I’m suspecting you weren’t particularly well treated by the girls you went to school with, and are therefore a bit overexcited now that a woman is being nice to you. > > But “being nice to you” does not mean “wants to date you”. This, +1,000. What you are describing is nothing more than a normal interaction between yourself and an acquaintance. Do yourself a favor and use your interactions with your tutor to just get to know a woman with no motive other than developing a friendship. It’s an important life skill that will serve you well for the rest of your life. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/33 "2014-06-25T10:18:37Z")
```auto ``` I would start going to the [library](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=726142) more often to study. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/34 "2014-06-25T10:20:46Z")
From your description, her nice attitude doesn’t seem to be “extreme”. Maybe she’s just a really nice person. I also understand that you are attracted to her whether or not she seemed to be extra nice to your for whatever reason. Finish the course and enjoy it. AFTER the course ends, let the games begin! Ask her out then. I’m willing to bet you’ll find out that she has a boyfriend, maybe a girlfriend, a husband, wife, whatever. My point is, you may not be reading her right, so get the credit first. ---
**Author:** ![Uniqueorn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uniqueorn/32/2807_2.png) [@Uniqueorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uniqueorn)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/35 "2014-06-25T10:33:32Z")
Auf keinen Fall! ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/36 "2014-06-25T10:47:01Z")
I’m a language teacher who teaches adults. I have made my personal rules about dating students which are as follows: 1. I do not date students as long as the course is in progress or as long as I still have anything to do with them academically, such as pending grades. 2. Once the course is finished,if I _really_ like a student, I will go on a date with them. “Really liking” here means that I think there could be a real future - I wouldn’t date an ex-student just for a quick fling. In five years I’ve dated two ex-students. So my answer would be, if you really like her and it’s not just that she’s female and gives you attention, then ask her out but only after the course has finished, she has marked all your work, and you know there won’t be any more courses with her, ever. Disclaimer: I teach evening classes with a one to three month duration, not university courses. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/37 "2014-06-25T11:46:11Z")
Nyet. No. Nein. Nak. Nikka. Nope. There are many laws in many jurisdictions that prohibit teachers from having personal relationships with students. There are good reasons for these laws. Would you like to ruin her career and get her fired? It would be a very terrible thing to try and cultivate a personal relationship with her. Wait until you are no longer a student at her school and then you can think about calling her or visiting her in person to ask her if she shares your feelings. Are you from America? If so, you should understand the following: “Do not be a dick!” It would be a very bad thing to do - both for her and for you. If you wish to discuss it further, go see a counsellor somewhere and ask them. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/38 "2014-06-25T11:58:53Z")
“Nice hobbies”? Dude. She wants your Knackwurst. Blitzkrieg that shit. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/39 "2014-06-25T12:13:07Z")
NO NO NO NO NO NO And she is not “too nice” to you. She is your teacher. She is trying to help you learn. She is not in love with you. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2014, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583/40 "2014-06-25T12:14:26Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > On the off chance that your post isn’t satire, student teacher pairings are unethical at any age. I rather suspect your own post is satire. He is 21 for gods sake and she’s teaching him privately. Where do ethics come into it? Maybe this is a cultural thing. Here’s some guidance from the University of Kent in Canterbury UK, I know for certain that similar policies are in place in many other universities. > [@](#): > > The University does not wish to, nor can it, legislate against the development of personal relationships between staff and students, or staff and staff. > > However, two key principles must govern all such relationships: > > a) there is no abuse of a position of power > > b) all teaching or staff management must be (and be seen to be) > unbiased. Seems like a perfectly reasonable approach with reasonable caveats [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-feelings-clear-to-my-teacher/691583.md?page=3)