# Should I make my son graduate on stage? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 9, 2012, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487 "2012-12-09T04:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/81 "2012-12-11T02:38:35Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > So was slavery, at one point. This thread is the “shoes in the house” of 2012 ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/82 "2012-12-11T02:42:31Z")
As a representative of society, I would just like to say three things to all you high-school and college graduating youngsters: 1. Many congratulations on your achievement! I hope it helps you to realize your dreams. 2. It is totally fine with me if you don’t want to attend your graduation ceremony. I seriously have no objections at all. 3. Please stop shaving my cat ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/83 "2012-12-11T02:43:31Z")
College, maybe, if you moved out and never accepted any help from the folks. HS? Sorry, champ, the folks fed you, clothed you, and made sure you got to school for 12 years at a minimum. If they were more than minimum parents, they helped you with your homework, went to your recitals and games, and a whole raft of other stuff. Your achievement? Yeah right. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/84 "2012-12-11T02:46:59Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > If your mom and grandma and mailman enjoy watching people graduate they’re perfectly welcome to attend. The fact that YOU accomplished something is your achievement not theirs, their opinions and feelings are meaningless. Yup… it’s all about YOU. Screw Mom, Grandma, and the mailman. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/85 "2012-12-11T02:49:36Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Shut down the internet. If you’re going to invoke an appeal to popularity, don’t be surprised when someone throws it back in your face. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/86 "2012-12-11T02:54:29Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > If you’re going to invoke an appeal to popularity, don’t be surprised when someone throws it back in your face. What are you on about now, John Brown? Spud is the fascist slaveholder who appealed to societal norms. I’m the guy who said you were the only one in the thread losing your shit. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/87 "2012-12-11T02:55:23Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > If you’re going to invoke an appeal to popularity, don’t be surprised when someone throws it back in your face. God… whenever I think this can’t get any more funny. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/88 "2012-12-11T03:08:08Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > What are you on about now, John Brown? Spud is the fascist slaveholder who appealed to societal norms. > I’m the guy who said you were the only one in the thread losing your shit. I think I may have a new sig line… Spud… the fascist slaveholder who appeals to social norms. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/89 "2012-12-11T03:41:22Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > Wow > Ask a simple question 😃 > > I can see both sides, pro and con. > In all honesty, I don’t care one way or the other, I just like for my son to be happy. If it makes his grandmother unhappy they will have to work it out. I understand it’s a milestone but my son is pretty oblivious to milestones and ceremonies. It’s not his thing at all. > I understand that sometimes kids need to learn that they have to do things even when they don’t want to but I’m not sure this is one of them. I’m not sure how big his class is but I’m sure it’s at least 600 because he goes to a big school. I doubt if anybody will notice if a few students aren’t there. > I have a little more time to order the cap and gown, so he can take a few more weeks to decide, or rather change his mind. He may decide to do it for his grandmother, then again she may be traveling anyway. > Anyway, thank y’all for your input. Well a lot of people are injecting their butthurt about high school unnecessarily here, but if you ignore all of them and listen to me, it would great if you didn’t make him do this. I’m just going to repeat myself, because I like to. I fully get making kids do things they don’t want to, like chores or eating their vegetables, but those things serve a purpose. Walking the stage is entirely pointless, and is solely something people do for personal gratification. If son derives no gratification, please don’t force him to do this. That would be making him do something that he really doesn’t want to do because of…? I mean, there just really isn’t a good reason. This isn’t something he’ll regret later. Not everyone cares about walking the stage at their high school graduation, and the kinds of people who do care will voluntarily opt to walk. If he doesn’t care now, seriously, he never will. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/90 "2012-12-11T03:59:00Z")
Hey… who are you to argue with a fascist slaveholder who appeals to social norms. Oh, wait… you are mean. And Old… And a Lady… Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/91 "2012-12-11T04:29:55Z")
This thread has gone past bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/92 "2012-12-11T04:47:08Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#): > > This thread has gone past bizarre. I can’t wait to start the next one. 😃 I thought about screaming at everybody to get out of my thread but next time I’m going to bring popcorn and a keg. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/93 "2012-12-11T04:50:25Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Well a lot of people are injecting their butthurt about high school unnecessarily here, but if you ignore all of them and listen to me, it would great if you didn’t make him do this. I’m just going to repeat myself, because I like to. I fully get making kids do things they don’t want to, like chores or eating their vegetables, but those things serve a purpose. Walking the stage is entirely pointless, and is solely something people do for personal gratification. If son derives no gratification, please don’t force him to do this. That would be making him do something that he really doesn’t want to do because of…? I mean, there just really isn’t a good reason. This isn’t something he’ll regret later. Not everyone cares about walking the stage at their high school graduation, and the kinds of people who do care will voluntarily opt to walk. If he doesn’t care now, seriously, he never will. I doubt he ever will, he’s just not into those kinds of things, and to be truthful, he gets it honest. Sometimes he’s so much like me it’s scary. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/94 "2012-12-11T05:02:40Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If he’s oblivious because he doesn’t care about ceremonies and it’s not his thing, like you write here, he won’t regret not going (and he’ll likely elope if he ever decides to marry, so gird your loins!) > > Now if he’s just kind of an clueless to the world sort of person and you know he’s ended up regretting not being involved in stuff, remind him of that. > > I’m usually the first type of person, but there are some things I DO care about, I’m just not always paying attention. Maybe I’m a bad mommy, but I think it’s okay if he elopes. Then again its okay if he has a big ass wedding with all the trimmings. If it makes him happy I’m cool with it. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/95 "2012-12-11T10:46:27Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#): > > This thread has gone past bizarre. You’re not kidding. For starters, I wasn’t aware we weren’t allowed to say “I didn’t enjoy my high school graduation ceremony” in a thread asking for opinions about high school graduation ceremonies without being accused of “angsty teen bullshit”. I mean, look at all these people, offering their opinions in a forum called “In My Humble Opinion”. What’s up with that? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/96 "2012-12-11T10:51:55Z")
Am I the only one who didn’t even go to my grade school graduation? Nor HS, nor college. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/97 "2012-12-11T10:54:32Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Am I the only one who didn’t even go to my grade school graduation? Nor HS, nor college. I didn’t have one (too old - they seem to be a recent thing) and think they’re slightly ridiculous. But hey, whatever makes you happy. Oops - shouldn’t have said that. Too much angsty grade-school bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/98 "2012-12-11T11:42:46Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I never attended my high school or college graduations. Fuck that. This for me as well. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/99 "2012-12-11T12:51:27Z")
And hey, OP: your son just effectively became an adult. Guide him, but it’s his decision now. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487/100 "2012-12-11T14:24:50Z")
I am my parents’ eldest child and the eldest grandchild in my family. My parents twisted my arm to go to HS graduation and I went. It wasn’t the most unpleasant thing I have ever had to do. I got the sense that it was the idea of graduation that my parents were so excited about. Afterwards they were pretty underwhelmed and let my siblings off the hook. It was 2 hours in horrible chairs in the crumbling auditorium of a VA mental hospital. And 150 high school kids. It was better in everyone’s imaginations. My reasons for not wanting to go were a combination of bog-standard teen angst and honest ambivalence. The whole thing felt incredibly cynical. I didn’t overcome any kind of hardship to graduate high school. I slept through it. I spent four years just marking time to get out and go to college. I wasn’t bullied, ostracized, or traumatized by the experience. I just felt I was stuck in a really small holding pattern for four years. The idea that graduation was an accomplishment for me or even for most of the other people in my community was a farce. It was the absolute minimum contribution required for an 18 year old and was no great achievement. I felt like enough of a faker in my life as it is, so graduation felt painfully farcical. The achievement was surviving young adulthood without suicide or homicide, not getting through school. Now I have a son, and to be honest, I am still not all that sensitive to his milestones either. Stuff happens that makes me spontaneously proud and wistful at the same time, but it is part of the ebb and flow of things. I can’t just go into a room with hundreds of other people and activate it on demand. I also have a lot of trouble accepting praise gracefully in general. I tend to think that praise is insincere but criticism is earnest. So yeah, I went, and it was no big deal. If my parents want my son to go, I will certainly twist his arm and he will go. We are some years off from that, but if my son does graduate a mainstream school, then it _will_ be a serious accomplishment for everyone, so I imagine I will feel differently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-make-my-son-graduate-on-stage/643487.md?page=6)