# Should I not get involved with this woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484 "2013-05-27T20:01:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/81 "2013-05-28T01:13:40Z")
Fantome’ and the Breastisissss would make a good band name. ---
**Author:** ![BROWNEYES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@BROWNEYES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BROWNEYES)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/82 "2013-05-28T01:14:51Z")
I’m not a bitch , I wouldn’t rat him out … I guess maybe I am too nice … One of my hang ups , I guess lol ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/83 "2013-05-28T01:19:21Z")
Well, at least the thread question has been answered in the most conclusive way possible in that it has been rendered utterly moot. @ **BROWNEYES** if I were you I’d contact a mod about how kosher it is to post a private chat without changing the names and obscuring details of all involved, I doubt you’d want any mutual friends to find this sort of stuff and the Dope is easily Googlable. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/84 "2013-05-28T01:20:27Z")
I’m not sure that BROWNEYES is the real deal, but it’s interesting that Fantome is suddenly silent after replying fairly regularly before she showed up. BROWNEYES - Has he been in contact with you about this thread directly since your first post? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/85 "2013-05-28T01:22:34Z")
A different username on SDMB, or on some other board? Because most boards (including this one) do not take kindly to soks. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/86 "2013-05-28T01:22:57Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > The fact that she wants to see you again is another red flag. It shows that she doesn’t have very good judgement, she is attracted to dysfunctional men, and/or that she doesn’t think very highly of herself. ^^^^ This. Here’s the cycle: 1. Person A lies about their own behavior 2. They let slip a small detail 3. It spooks their partner, person B (note, B may not be a paranoid stalker, but will end up being one) 4. B calls them on it 5. Semi-plausible excuse is given, and is accepted because the behavior is minor (note - had B not been so insecure, he could have simply observed a little longer and caught person A in a real whopper, but that’s not how this game works). 6. All is forgiven because both parties are too insecure to call it off 7. Trust is never regained 8. Person A knows this, never really feels secure, and thus covers their bases by scoping out other possibilities. 9. Start over at step 1. A’s winning game is to run multiple victims at step 8 as long as possible. This is why A tells you that “honesty is important.” Because it is… your honesty, not theirs. B’s best chance is to use guilt, surveillance, and controlling behavior to remain at step 6 until A either files a restraining order, stages a disappearance, or experiences some existential crisis that changes the story to a rescue drama. The only happy ending to this story is to exit at step 3. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/87 "2013-05-28T01:22:58Z")
> [@BROWNEYES](#): > > But I only joined so I could reply to this post and defend myself .. No need, it’s already been taken care of. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/88 "2013-05-28T01:23:08Z")
> [@BROWNEYES](#): > > Thank you for the advice .. But I only joined so I could reply to this post and defend myself .. How much of what he said was true? ---
**Author:** ![BROWNEYES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@BROWNEYES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BROWNEYES)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/89 "2013-05-28T01:23:39Z")
I am telling the truth … And no ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/90 "2013-05-28T01:26:42Z")
> [@For You](#): > > A different username on SDMB, or on some other board? Because most boards (including this one) do not take kindly to soks. Once the mods suspect a sock puppet, they’re usually able to track the duplicate user names without much trouble. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/91 "2013-05-28T01:26:56Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > @ **BROWNEYES** if I were you I’d contact a mod about how kosher it is to post a private chat without changing the names and obscuring details of all involved, I doubt you’d want any mutual friends to find this sort of stuff and the Dope is easily Googlable. Hey, leave them out of this. There’s nothing good on TV tonight. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/92 "2013-05-28T01:29:31Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Hey, leave them out of this. There’s nothing good on TV tonight. Word. My foot is messed up so I’m immobile, and this is better than TV. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/93 "2013-05-28T01:29:32Z")
no need for mods! let’s let these two crazy kids work it out for themselves. right here and now. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/94 "2013-05-28T01:35:04Z")
> [@BROWNEYES](#): > > Thank you for the advice .. But I only joined so I could reply to this post and defend myself .. Most of us were already defending you, and not just to get on your good side. ---
**Author:** ![BROWNEYES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@BROWNEYES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BROWNEYES)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/95 "2013-05-28T01:37:08Z")
I know and I appreciate it and thank you … Dating is so hard especially being a single mom and looking out for yourself and your child , so thank you … ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/96 "2013-05-28T01:37:10Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I’m not sure that BROWNEYES is the real deal, but it’s interesting that Fantome is suddenly silent after replying fairly regularly before she showed up. Ooooooh, _suspicious._ 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484/97 "2013-05-28T01:40:53Z")
This is not the place to work out personal relationships. Thread closed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-not-get-involved-with-this-woman/659484.md?page=4)