# Should I push in contacting this relative?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-push-in-contacting-this-relative/675662>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [December 6, 2013, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-push-in-contacting-this-relative/675662 "2013-12-06T11:40:24Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\
**Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-push-in-contacting-this-relative/675662/61 "2014-03-31T19:40:28Z")

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> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> Stop bothering him. And go ahead and cash the checks…you expect him to be friends with you after you’ve essentially been throwing his gifts away? Cash the checks, send him a simple thank you note,and be done with it. If you don’t feel comfortable using the money put it in an account for your kids.

+1

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-push-in-contacting-this-relative/675662/62 "2014-04-02T00:41:34Z")

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> [@Ravenman](#):
>
> This is like saying it’s perfectly acceptable to stay at a dinner party as long as you like right up until the hosts threaten to call the cops to have you arrested… only THEN should you leave!

No, it’s like saying it’s okay to stay until they actually ask you to leave. You don’t get to jump to threats when you haven’t first made your preferences known plainly.

The point is that the guy has never actually said he doesn’t want to get in contact, and **grude** is under no obligation to take the hint. Everyone appealing to some sense of it bothering the uncle are making useless arguments.

The only argument that he should stop is based on the fact that it is unlikely the guy will change his mind, and this will lead **grude** to frustration. Which, if it does, is a fine argument. But if **grude** is happy to keep on trying without response, that’s also an acceptable response.

It is the uncle’s responsibility to do what is necessary to stop **grude** from annoying him. It is not **grude** ’s responsibility. And, I’m sure you guys don’t think he owes him any kindnesses, since you say the uncle also owes **grude** nothing, and also call the uncle a jerk.

For all you know, BTW, he enjoys getting the letters but doesn’t really want to talk. There are a lot of people like that. Consider all the people who are on Facebook but never talk, for example.

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