# Should I say something about this nurse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2015, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837 "2015-08-14T14:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/21 "2015-08-14T16:54:13Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > I’m trying to figure the positioning of the two people. I’ve had nurses hold onto my arm before, but because we’re more or less facing each other, my hand was behind her, nowhere near a breast. Like [this](http://www.cdc.gov/dhdsp/data_statistics/fact_sheets/images/fs_aian_2.jpg), but with the patient’s hand under the nurse’s arm. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/22 "2015-08-14T16:55:19Z")
If it made you uncomfortable, you might have mentioned that to her. Something like, “I’d feel more comfortable if my hand wasn’t on your breast.” I certainly wouldn’t “report” her unless you think she was doing something improper. Fwiw, my dentist has sometimes tucked my head into her bosom when she’s working on my back teeth. I’m a straight woman, and i don’t think she even noticed, so I didn’t mind. (Although I did stop to think that I hadn’t been in that position since my mother held me as a child.) ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/23 "2015-08-14T17:08:37Z")
Ah, now it’s clearer. I must have been in a smaller room as the nurse and I were closer. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/24 "2015-08-14T17:11:43Z")
She’s a medical professional who’s just doing her job. If she held your hand in that position, it’s because in her professional experience, that’s how she gets the most accurate readings. If you’re uncomfortable with female medical professionals, you may request a male nurse or that a chaperone be in the room during your examination. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/25 "2015-08-14T17:37:16Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > They do that all the time, it means nothing, they want to keep you still Exactly. I thought it was weird the first time my dentist squeezed my head between his thighs, until he assured me it was standard procedure. I’m still not sure why I need propofol for a cleaning, though. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/26 "2015-08-14T17:38:12Z")
You could sue them and make them pay for the years of therapy you need to help you get over this trauma. Act soon, your statute of limitations is already ticking away. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/27 "2015-08-14T17:46:48Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Fwiw, my dentist has sometimes tucked my head into her bosom when she’s working on my back teeth. I’m a straight woman, and i don’t think she even noticed, so I didn’t mind. (Although I did stop to think that I hadn’t been in that position since my mother held me as a child.) I had my hair washed at a ritzy upscale spa type place once. The shampooer washed the left side of my head while standing on my right side, then switched sides to do the other half of my head. All the while I was laying back with my head in a sink. Rinse, repeat, then conditioner. Besides being hard on her back, this forced her breasts to be constantly in my face. The only thing more prominent than her breasts was her tip jar. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/28 "2015-08-14T18:16:04Z")
NM - wrong thread ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/29 "2015-08-14T18:24:25Z")
I expected one of the first 10 replies would be “was she hot?” ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/30 "2015-08-14T18:33:07Z")
I’d go for no comment to her employers because even if you word it very carefully it could be processed as a more serious complaint and that could seriously fuck up her career. However, it probably is the kind of thing that could actually increase your blood pressure due to feeling uncomfortable or discomfitted. So it does matter. Tricky. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/31 "2015-08-14T18:40:49Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > Uh, no. > > She has large breasts, and they get onto things if she’s holding something under her arm. That doesn’t sound like sexual behavior. It sounds like she’s had some number of patients she doesn’t trust to hold still when told. I tend to agree. She may have a number of patients who won’t hold still or keep their arm straight for a standard blood pressure reading. This is not uncommon, I wouldn’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/32 "2015-08-14T18:50:50Z")
Sorry for off topic but this thread reminded me of the time years ago when I played catcher on a recreational softball team. The league had a female umpire (an attractive one) who would crouch down behind me and pretty much smash her left tit right between my shoulder blades. Since it was a slow pitch neither she nor I had any padding and through my tee shirt I could easily feel her against my back. I noticed that she didn’t do that with the opposing team’s catcher. She was married but her husband was usually somewhere nearby umpiring another game. I never could figure out exactly why she did it. Was it something about my size or position that caused her to get that close? Was she just more comfortable with me? I don’t believe she was flirting as she never really said anything to me other than a few courteous comments. The other thing that made it weird is that in slow pitch softball the pitch comes in on an arc and being down closer to the catcher doesn’t really add much to judging pitch accuracy. I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/33 "2015-08-14T19:06:55Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > But none of us were there, only you know for sure how it felt exactly. I see what you did there. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/34 "2015-08-14T19:10:45Z")
So far, everybody seems to be missing part of OP’s point. You’re all falling all over yourselves to assure OP that this is routine procedure, and that medical professionals have a purely clinical view of patients’ bodies and the nurse surely had no thought in her mind about anything erotic . . . But you’ve all missed the point, expressed in the OP, that he felt concerned that HE might have been accused to misconduct, and that he felt he had to be especially careful to avoid giving any hint of a clue (even inadvertently) that he might be trying to feel her up. That seemed to be what he was uncomfortable about. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/35 "2015-08-14T19:12:41Z")
Hello, nurse! No I wouldn’t say anything. It’s like getting a haircut and getting a boob on your shoulder. No big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/36 "2015-08-14T19:16:28Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > But you’ve all missed the point, expressed in the OP, that he felt concerned that HE might have been accused to misconduct, and that he felt he had to be especially careful to avoid giving any hint of a clue (even inadvertently) that he might be trying to feel her up. That seemed to be what he was uncomfortable about. That’s the gist of comments in post #2, 6, 7, 11, 22…etc. You know, let the nurse know. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/37 "2015-08-14T19:20:00Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > But you’ve all missed the point, expressed in the OP, that he felt concerned that HE might have been accused to misconduct, and that he felt he had to be especially careful to avoid giving any hint of a clue (even inadvertently) that he might be trying to feel her up. That seemed to be what he was uncomfortable about. That seems unlikely given the situation that was described. “Doctor, this patient just touched my breast! I’m outraged!” “When did this happen, Nurse?” “It was right after I took his hand and placed it there.” ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/38 "2015-08-14T19:41:16Z")
Here’s something that once happened to me. I was once having some sort of medical procedure under anesthesia (propofol) and the anesthesiologist came in to set up his stuff. I was lying on my back on the table that I would be on for the procedure, wearing the hospital gown, and he put all his apparatus on top of me. This in itself didn’t seem all that strange, because it was a fairly small room and there was possibly not much place to put them. But the thing is that he put them down on my crotch area, so that when he picked them up again he sort of copped a feel along the way. I wondered at the time if this was deliberate, and I’m rather inclined to think it was. But I remember thinking “if it’s unintentional, then no big deal, and if not, well if this guy is so pathetic and desperate that he needs to resort to this type of thing then let him, so still no big deal”. Never occurred to me to report it. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/39 "2015-08-14T19:43:43Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > So far, everybody seems to be missing part of OP’s point. > > You’re all falling all over yourselves to assure OP that this is routine procedure, and that medical professionals have a purely clinical view of patients’ bodies and the nurse surely had no thought in her mind about anything erotic . . . > > But you’ve all missed the point, expressed in the OP, that he felt concerned that HE might have been accused to misconduct, and that he felt he had to be especially careful to avoid giving any hint of a clue (even inadvertently) that he might be trying to feel her up. That seemed to be what he was uncomfortable about. Just because I didn’t address it doesn’t mean I missed it. I just didn’t feel like discussing it right then. The whole “oh, I’m just so afraid that I’ll be accused of sexual harassment by some crazy woman when I’m totally innocent” thing is a form of sexism, and a pernicious one at that. It implies that one has to tiptoe around women because they’re irrational and looking for offense. And it’s even worse when the man points out “I’m not sexually harassing you but…” and makes some perfectly ordinary comment like “you look nice today.” That’s not just sexist, but creepy as fuck. Meanwhile men pat themselves on the back for being so “sensitive.” Ugh. That said - I assume that the sexism that underlay Urbanredneck’s concern was unconscious, and he handled the situation appropriately. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837/40 "2015-08-14T19:46:34Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Here’s something that once happened to me. > > I was once having some sort of medical procedure under anesthesia (propofol) and the anesthesiologist came in to set up his stuff. I was lying on my back on the table that I would be on for the procedure, wearing the hospital gown, and he put all his apparatus on top of me. This in itself didn’t seem all that strange, because it was a fairly small room and there was possibly not much place to put them. But the thing is that he put them down on my crotch area, so that when he picked them up again he sort of copped a feel along the way. > > I wondered at the time if this was deliberate, and I’m rather inclined to think it was. But I remember thinking “if it’s unintentional, then no big deal, and if not, well if this guy is so pathetic and desperate that he needs to resort to this type of thing then let him, so still no big deal”. > > Never occurred to me to report it. With something that small, it hardly seems worth it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-about-this-nurse/727837.md?page=3)