# Should I say something? (possible marriage interference) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777 "2013-09-13T16:59:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2013, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/21 "2013-09-14T05:05:40Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And does this woman know that you’ve passed on her secret to any number of anonymous people on the internet? If it’s wrong for her to repeat it, why isn’t it wrong for you? I can see no analogy here. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2013, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/22 "2013-09-14T12:25:17Z")
Definitely do not get involved, it’s absolutely none of your business. Also, if there’s no ordained/licensed minister present, there’s no baptism. And how will the kid know whether it was baptised or not? Will it even care? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2013, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/23 "2013-09-14T13:00:26Z")
> [@ScareyFaerie](#): > > Also, if there’s no ordained/licensed minister present, there’s no baptism. > [@](#): > > In case of necessity, any person can baptize provided that he have the intention of doing that which the Church does and provided that he pours water on the candidate’s head while saying: “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” [Cite.](http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c1a1.htm) Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2013, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/24 "2013-09-14T13:57:58Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > [Cite.](http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c1a1.htm) > > Regards, > Shodan That’s correct, but from my parochial school days I remember being taught that it was only in the case of if the baby was dying. According to the [Wikipedia article](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_baptism) it says: > [@](#): > > By “a case of necessity” is principally meant imminent danger of death because of either illness or an external threat. “The requisite intention” is, at the minimum level, the intention “to do what the Church does” through the rite of baptism. So I guess it all hinges on that little bit of religious legalese in “case of necessity.” I also thought I remember being taught that if the baby pulls through, a “proper” baptism is supposed to be performed at some point, but I don’t see any mention of that in your source or the Wikipedia article. But as to the OP, why in the heck would you even _think_ of getting involved, especially as you claim that you “don’t want to cause trouble in this group”? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/25 "2013-09-18T16:34:50Z")
I forgot to mention that this woman has said that her daughter had to take her Bible and study guides over to their house, because she’s afraid he’ll discard them. 😕 :dubious: There’s another woman who comes to the same meetup who’s been divorced for many years, and every time a woman mentions that she has a wonderful husband, this woman pipes up that she’s really glad she got rid of hers, and would have endured 35 years this summer of abject misery had she stayed with him. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/26 "2013-09-18T16:54:58Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > There’s another woman who comes to the same meetup who’s been divorced for many years, and every time a woman mentions that she has a wonderful husband, this woman pipes up that she’s really glad she got rid of hers, and would have endured 35 years this summer of abject misery had she stayed with him. :rolleyes: I know this is a radical notion, but have you considered the merits of hanging out with people with normal social boundaries? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/27 "2013-09-18T17:19:33Z")
I do wonder about people of faith marrying people who are largely agnostic or atheist and do not plan on attending church. Then the kids come and it’s a BFD drama for everyone. The different thing in this scenario is that it’s usually the believers who get controlling and demanding about attending church post kids, in this scenario it’s the atheist. Personally I’m not religious but don’t think it’s entirely reasonable for him to demand that the kids not be baptized unless he and the wife have some ironclad deal about it. Oh and stay waaaay out it. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/28 "2013-09-18T17:36:30Z")
WTF is a meetup? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/29 "2013-09-18T17:39:23Z")
This is so clearly none of your business. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/30 "2013-09-18T17:46:51Z")
NOYB. If she were a close friend you might offer a word to the wise (“Don’t say what you don’t want repeated.”) But clearly, she’s not a close friend, the kind you can give unsolicited personal advice to. The husband and wife are poorly matched. He doesn’t respect her beliefs. (He doesn’t have to agree: my wife and I don’t agree, but we both respect each others’ beliefs.) She’s violating her agreements, or else he’s dictating and she’s hiding her “disobedience”. Either way, it’s a marriage based on bad foundataions. Not that this matters here, but sheesh. I’d keep my distance, to avoid the fallout after it goes nuclear. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/31 "2013-09-18T17:47:25Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I know this is a radical notion, but have you considered the merits of hanging out with people with normal social boundaries? +1 Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/32 "2013-09-18T18:00:15Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I do wonder about people of faith marrying people who are largely agnostic or atheist and do not plan on attending church. Then the kids come and it’s a BFD drama for everyone. The different thing in this scenario is that it’s usually the believers who get controlling and demanding about attending church post kids, in this scenario it’s the atheist. > > Personally I’m not religious but don’t think it’s entirely reasonable for him to demand that the kids not be baptized unless he and the wife have some ironclad deal about it. > > Oh and stay waaaay out it. Actually, he claimed to be a devout Catholic until after the baby was born. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/33 "2013-09-18T18:08:21Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Actually, he claimed to be a devout Catholic until after the baby was born. :dubious: Ah, one of those Stealth unbelievers. Tsk tsk. It seems like a family issue and not fodder for the busybody gossip circuit. TBH, it appears you’ll do whatever pleases you without regard for the excellent counsel (MYOB) you’ve been given here. This is something you should consider the next time you think of posting a thread “asking for advice.” ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/34 "2013-09-18T18:23:48Z")
I don’t see anything wrong with you expressing your opinion to this woman about maybe she should not be so open about some of the issues in her daughter’s marriage. Because honestly if it was my mom going around blabbing my about marital problems to all her friends and acquaintances I would be extremely upset . And I see nothing wrong with you expressing that opinion. I don’t think that you’re asking if we think that you should go ahead and confront this couple directly. I understand that all you want to do is let the woman know that sharing this information about her daughter’s marriage is maybe it’s not the most kosher thing to do & I think you have every right to tell her if you want. ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/35 "2013-09-18T18:33:50Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > WTF is a meetup? Meetup is from a site called [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com), whereby you search for things that interest you and “meet up” with groups of people who share similar interests. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/36 "2013-09-18T18:35:36Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > That’s correct, but from my parochial school days I remember being taught that it was only in the case of if the baby was dying. > > According to the [Wikipedia article](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_baptism) it says: > > So I guess it all hinges on that little bit of religious legalese in “case of necessity.” No, no, no. I leave for another time the debate about whether baptism has any actual real-world effect. My comments that follow relate to the factual question of Catholic belief: that is, what do Catholics _believe_ is the result of the actions described? Your parochial school days should have taught you that baptism, along with confirmation and Holy Orders, are sacraments that may only be conferred once, because they “imprint a character” on the soul. A baptism performed in a sink, with water, by a grandmother whose intent is to baptize, and who says the words “I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,” is perfectly valid, in the sense that the sacrament is conferred. If done in cases where there was no necessity, it may not be _licit_, but it is perfectly valid. > [@](#): > > I also thought I remember being taught that if the baby pulls through, a “proper” baptism is supposed to be performed at some point, but I don’t see any mention of that in your source or the Wikipedia article. No. Although: Since the sacrament of baptism may only be received once, it’s not possible to have a “do over.” If, after prudent inquiry, there is doubt that the baptism was performed initially, the baptism may be given conditionally. (“If you are not already baptized, I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”) ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/37 "2013-09-18T18:37:43Z")
I missed the Edit window. Just try to read that above paragraph with as much comprehension as possible. I was text to talk when I wrote that and it didn’t quite come out the way I intended it to. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/38 "2013-09-18T18:38:12Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Personally I’m not religious but don’t think it’s entirely reasonable for him to demand that the kids not be baptized unless he and the wife have some ironclad deal about it. This. The most disturbing part of the anecdote, AFAIAC, is his insistence that his wife stop practicing her religion, compounded by her acquiescence. > [@astro](#): > > Oh and stay waaaay out it. AND this. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/39 "2013-09-18T18:42:07Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > This. The most disturbing part of the anecdote, AFAIAC, is his insistence that his wife stop practicing her religion, compounded by her acquiescence. To be fair grandma may be exaggerating the extent of the husband’s anti religion sentiments and how he expresses them within the marriage or flubbing some of the details when she explains this to people, to justify her interference in the marriage, and because she can’t stand him. Or maybe the daughter is lying to the mom and she doesn’t want to go to church anymore either, and she’s using her husband as an excuse. Weirder things have happened ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/40 "2013-09-18T18:47:55Z")
Once you get old enough, can you reject whatever imprint a baptism gave to you? Is there a method of unbaptizing oneself? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777.md?page=3)