# Should I say something? (possible marriage interference) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777 "2013-09-13T16:59:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/61 "2014-01-24T04:08:01Z")
Ah! And I take it this third person doesn’t exist – you just found a way to express your general displeasure with gossipy people\*, but in a non-confrontational way. That’s actually very clever – well done! \*Or, to put it in even gentler terms, you found a non-embarrassing way to warn this lady that she was asking for trouble by being so gossipy. ETA: I guess the third person must exist after all (the woman this thread is about must know her from the meetups) – but still, very clever of you to “blame” someone else who just happens to display from the same annoying habit. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/62 "2014-01-24T04:33:05Z")
I read it like this: 1. Nearwildheaven left the group because of Divorce Woman who wouldn’t shut up about getting divorced 30 yrs ago 2. Gossip Woman who complained about her son-in-law missed NWH and messaged her as to why she had left 3. GW admitted that she’d been told that several others had left the group because of her gossiping and wanted to know if that’s why NWH had left. 4. NWH assured GW that it was DW who caused her to leave. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/63 "2014-01-24T06:54:25Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I think every Catholic family has a story about a covert baptism. If he’s truly Atheist, then a couple of old ladies ran some water over his babies head, no big deal. My general attitude is, if it gives an old woman comfort, and doesn’t harm the baby, then let it go. Yep, my mom has a friend who’s Protestant and her husband is Catholic. His mother was extremely devout and really upset that they weren’t going to raise the kids Catholic. She was caught trying to baptise their eldest in the kitchen sink. So it really does happen. (Said kid would be around my age, maybe a little older) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/64 "2014-01-24T18:45:11Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > I read it like this: > > 1. Nearwildheaven left the group because of Divorce Woman who wouldn’t shut up about getting divorced 30 yrs ago > > 2. Gossip Woman who complained about her son-in-law missed NWH and messaged her as to why she had left > > 3. GW admitted that she’d been told that several others had left the group because of her gossiping and wanted to know if that’s why NWH had left. > > 4. NWH assured GW that it was DW who caused her to leave. Bingo! You win. I did tell, as you put it, “Gossip Woman” that she might want to back off on talking about her SIL to people who don’t know him and her daughter, especially because he works right next door. She saw where I was coming from, and hesitantly agreed with me. IDK what further details she’s shared with them, but it sounds like the marriage is in serious trouble for reasons having nothing to do with religion. Not my problem, and not my business either. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/65 "2014-01-24T18:50:01Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I forgot to mention that this woman has said that her daughter had to take her Bible and study guides over to their house, because she’s afraid he’ll discard them. 😕 :dubious: > > There’s another woman who comes to the same meetup who’s been divorced for many years, and every time a woman mentions that she has a wonderful husband, this woman pipes up that she’s really glad she got rid of hers, and would have endured 35 years this summer of abject misery had she stayed with him. :rolleyes: I went back to the beginning of this thread, and found out that I’d already mentioned DW before. At first, I thought it was just a one-time thing, but it happened over and over again, and I decided that the minuses of going there outweighed the plusses. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/66 "2014-01-25T00:07:35Z")
Thanks for explaining. It’s unfortunate that a nice casual gathering like that was ruined by people who just didn’t know when to stop beating their particular drum. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/67 "2014-05-24T02:11:50Z")
On top of “Divorce Woman”, we had a very gnarly winter, so I didn’t get out much unless it was absolutely necessary. DW rarely comes to this group any more, although I’m not sure why. And tonight, I overheard the subject of this thread tell someone else (and all I heard was bits and pieces) that, in so many words, the real reason she basically moved in with her daughter after the second child was born was because he wasn’t coming home and refused to help with the kids or housework when he was there, and this was after a c-section with a 2-year-old on top of it. Not a good environment to bring children into, that’s for sure. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/68 "2014-05-24T02:49:35Z")
WTF. Are you bumping this thread to gossip? So strange. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/69 "2014-05-24T03:24:45Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’m sorry, but I find this claim (assumedly by the grandmother) to be almost impossible to believe, and to be frank I find the whole “controlling atheist” thing to be tough to swallow as well unless he’s some borderline sociopath. > > Speaking from my own experience being non-religious is a frame of mind where you are a very tiny fish in a large and potentially unfriendly sea of belief, and it means almost by definition you have to get along and go along. Staking out a militant “no church”, “no baptism” position to your believing wife is something I have a real tough time seeing a real life married atheist doing. > > I think there has to be lot more to this story than MIL is letting on. > > And you should still stay out of it. Actually, I can believe it, because it’s probably not about atheism, just about controlling her. Generally, abusive individuals (not saying this is the case here) will want to control someone, and have them conform to their own ideals, whether it’s religion, politics, hobbies, friends, etc. He also might want to isolate her from people at church. It’s more like, I believe this, so YOU, as my wife, must believe it also. He can’t stand anyone disagreeing with him. Note: I’m speaking in generalities here. I have no idea if this is the case, and the OP should just stay the fuck out of it. In fact, I’d probably stop talking to the woman all together. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/70 "2014-05-24T07:38:33Z")
The Gossip Zombie Riseth ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/71 "2014-05-24T08:36:13Z")
Why I am commenting on this - I don’t know - oh wait - lack of better things to do I suppose. I would suggest that it is more likely the MIL is being misled by the daughter and that the guy was always an atheist (in their relationship), but the daughter was too scared to tell her own mother. The whole having a kid thing made it so she couldn’t hide it from her mom. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/72 "2014-05-24T13:26:47Z")
Lets just suppose, for a moment, that near wildheaven _likes_ drama. Most of the advise here is about avoiding drama, but if Nearwildheaven likes drama then maybe she should get involved. Its kind of like giving advice to someone about base jumping - sure it makes no sense from a practical point of view, but if someone really wants to do it the thrill is worth the risk. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/73 "2014-05-24T15:29:23Z")
I was coming from the angle that if she starts talking to me about it, I will say to her (again), “Does your daughter know that you’re discussing her marriage with people who don’t know them?”, good or bad? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/74 "2014-05-24T15:54:14Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I was coming from the angle that if she starts talking to me about it, I will say to her (again), “Does your daughter know that you’re discussing her marriage with people who don’t know them?”, good or bad? Bad. Stop engaging this woman at all on this subject. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/75 "2014-05-24T19:16:38Z")
> [@Mr.Nylock](#): > > Lets just suppose, for a moment, that near wildheaven _likes_ drama. Most of the advise here is about avoiding drama, but if Nearwildheaven likes drama then maybe she should get involved. Its kind of like giving advice to someone about base jumping - sure it makes no sense from a practical point of view, but if someone really wants to do it the thrill is worth the risk. I personally like train wrecks, so maybe I should loosen a few rails on a few tracks. Whaddya think? ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777/76 "2014-05-24T19:29:14Z")
I think **nearwildheaven** should make a ham-fisted pass at one of the participants in this totally, really, honestly true-life story. For the lols. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-say-something-possible-marriage-interference/668777.md?page=3)