# Should I send \[roses\] ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 20, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794 "2010-10-20T16:06:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![j2010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@j2010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j2010)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/1 "2010-10-20T16:06:02Z")
I’m a senior citizen and although being happily married I would like to ask if you think that it would be appropriate to send a lady I was in love with in college to a dozen of yellow roses for her 50th Wedding anniversary. I’ve only seen her a few times since college, but she was very special during those days and I still have fond memories from the past. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/2 "2010-10-20T16:26:10Z")
> [@j2010](#): > > 50th Wedding anniversary. 1960? Wow. I would, but is the husband likely to get ticked off? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/3 "2010-10-20T16:29:51Z")
Reported for a forum change. No factual answer possible. And no, don’t go sending a married woman flowers for her wedding anniversary. Whatever you had with the woman ended 50 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![skearton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@skearton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skearton)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/4 "2010-10-20T16:30:04Z")
If your wife and her husband don’t mind, that sounds like quite the thoughtful gesture. Just make sure you don’t outshine the husbands gift? ---
**Author:** ![Redpill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58956e/32.png) [@Redpill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redpill)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/5 "2010-10-20T16:32:25Z")
Just do it. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/6 "2010-10-20T16:50:27Z")
Very bad idea. You will likely just cause her problems, and I don’t think that is your intention. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/7 "2010-10-20T17:16:57Z")
What about sending flowers to her and her husband together? My gut is telling me that a card with a nice note is probably better. Better still, keeping the past in the past and letting your fond memories remain in tact. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/8 "2010-10-20T17:51:39Z")
My $.02: A flower arrangement to the couple? Maybe, depending on how well you know the husband, etc. Roses to the wife? No way. (Unless your goal is for them not to have a 51st, you not to have your next anniversary, lots of hurt feelings, possible violence, and/or all of the above.) At least that’s what people I was in college with would generally say; though that was only half as long ago as your college. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/9 "2010-10-20T17:58:34Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > What about sending flowers to her and her husband together? > > My gut is telling me that a card with a nice note is probably better. > > Better still, keeping the past in the past and letting your fond memories remain in tact. I agree with the suggestion of a card with a nice note, perhaps reminiscing about something innocent during your college days. And make sure that the note is signed by both you and your wife. (So that it’s clear that you’re now happily married to someone else.) ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/10 "2010-10-20T18:10:53Z")
Since it’s a wedding anniversary, I agree with others that, if you send anything, it should be to the couple, not just to the lady. ---
**Author:** ![Larzipan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@Larzipan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larzipan)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/11 "2010-10-20T18:16:08Z")
I think it’s sweet and you should go for it, but definitely send it to the couple and have your wife sign the card as well. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/12 "2010-10-20T18:31:07Z")
If you really care it’s best to send an appropriate gift to the couple. Maybe a gift card to a nice restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/13 "2010-10-20T18:49:23Z")
I don’t agree with having your wife sign the card unless she and your college lady are friends, too. Use an adress label that says Mr & Mrs j2010, and maybe mention your marriage (“I hope you and George are as happy as Anne and I have been” or “We’ll be celebrating our 50th in 3 years” - something to indicate your happy state. I’m still leaning towards not sending anythign. Of all the people in the scenario it’s easiest for me to identify with your college love. You don’t say if she was in love with you as well. If she was, why didn’t you end up together? (not asking for a response in the thread, just want you to think about it) Are you sure she’d tell the story the same way? I had a college sweetheart who probably remembers our time together (which was lovely) fondly and thinks we “just grew apart” but I think he ripped my beating heart from my chest and threw it on the floor and ground it under his heel. If I got flowers from him now, particulalry to celebrate my anniversary, I’d make myself absolutely insane trying to figure out what they meant. None of my conclusions would be “he’s just a nice guy who wanted to do something nice.” Or what if the guy she married is jealous and suspicious? You’ve just given her an ordeal instead of a nice floral gift. Or what if he’s just not as nice as you and a dozen yellow roses starts her thinking about how nice you are and how it wouldn’t be bad to be treated nicely after all these years and starts showing up on your doorstep with baked goods. I’m now squarely in favor of letting sleeping dogs lie. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/14 "2010-10-20T19:06:45Z")
My parents recently celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary, and are attending her 50th law school reunion this week. I think she would find it awkward and creepy if a lover from back then sent her flowers for her anniversary. On the other hand, she would really appreciate a chatty letter, addressed to both her and my father, saying that someone from her past was thinking about her after all these years, wishing her well and talking about what he had been doing since. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/15 "2010-10-20T19:39:01Z")
[moderating] Moved thread from GQ to IMHO since it’s asking for opinions rather than factual answers. I also changed the thread title from “Should I send ?” to “Should I send [roses] ?” so people would at least have some idea what it was about. Please try to keep thread titles descriptive! [/moderating] ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/16 "2010-10-20T20:54:17Z")
You can do it, but both she and her husband will think you are creepy and have no tact. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/17 "2010-10-20T21:23:17Z")
> [@j2010](#): > > I’m a senior citizen and although being happily married I would like to ask if you think that it would be appropriate to send a lady I was in love with in college to a dozen of yellow roses for her 50th Wedding anniversary. What does your wife think? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/18 "2010-10-20T21:31:50Z")
So you’re telling me that the women I dated in college, I still won’t be over when I’m 72? ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/19 "2010-10-20T21:52:54Z")
> [@bup](#): > > So you’re telling me that the women I dated in college, I still won’t be over when I’m 72? I’m still not over my high school sweetheart, 23 years after that breakup. My wife recently found her & friended her on Facebook, and sent me her information so I could too. Something is very strange about this woman. Wonderful, but strange. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794/20 "2010-10-21T02:22:16Z")
I think it’s nice that you want to send her a gift for her anniversary, however, I agree with the other posters that roses aren’t quite the right thing. A mixed floral arrangement or houseplant sent to the couple, not the wife individually, is much more appropriate. Anniversary gifts are to honor the marriage, not either person in the marriage. Either honor both or do nothing. I also like the suggestion of a gift card to a restaurant and a nice card addressed to both with a simple message. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-send-roses/557794.md?page=2)