# Should I take my son his lunch? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 6, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544 "2009-03-06T16:42:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/1 "2009-03-06T16:42:32Z")
My 11 year old son just called and told me he forgot his lunch. I am torn about whether I should bring it to him or not. Yes I should bring it: It’s not far out of my way and I have the time. The kid is only 11 and usually remembers his lunch, I should cut him a break. Besides, it’s hard to think clearly and pay attention in school when you are hungry. No I shouldn’t bring it: This isn’t the first time he’s forgotten it and how will this kid ever learn responsibility if I always cover for him. He should learn the natural consequences of his mistake and one day without lunch won’t hurt him any. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/2 "2009-03-06T16:47:30Z")
I say bring it, then ask him to do a favor in return, like make lunch for both of you one day this weekend. As long as there’s some cost, you won’t be reinforcing the idea that he can just forget it with no consequences. If it were a major inconvenience for you, the natural consequence would be no lunch, but since it’s not, no need to starve him. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/3 "2009-03-06T16:48:55Z")
Bring it. It sounds like an honest mistake, certainly not intentional. If he’s having trouble remembering stuff, work on that elsewhere and at a different time. Right now, like you say, he can’t perform at the necessary level if he’s hungry and that’s counterproductive to everything both of you want. Talk with him later. He’s hungry now. Any long term lessons can wait. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/4 "2009-03-06T16:52:49Z")
Depends on how often he forgets his lunch, I guess. If it’s more than a couple times a year, I’d let the little bugger go hungry, even if I had it in the car and was parked right next door to the school. Actually, the school would be more likely to let him get a plate lunch and pay the next day than let him go hungry-- that’s what my school did if you forgot your lunch money one day. I’d have him do that, and make him pay for the plate lunch out of his own money. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/5 "2009-03-06T17:01:43Z")
Take the lunch if you feel like. He will learn the consequences on the day he calls and you aren’t there or when you can legitimately say “Sorry, I have something I have to do.” Of course, only you know if your kid is yanking your chain but I would say give your own flesh and blood the benefit of the doubt. Also, I think most school are willing to give a kid a sandwich or something when this happens. It’s not like schools have never had a kid forget to bring lunch. Could he just like the idea of you coming to visit him at lunch time? Or maybe he just really likes your lunches? those aren’t bad things. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/6 "2009-03-06T17:09:04Z")
I’d say bring it. If you don’t, not only will it go to waste, but he will charge his lunch so he can eat, which will cost more money. Meh. Sometimes even _I_ forget to bring my lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/7 "2009-03-06T17:14:36Z")
He can’t charge it or get a plate lunch because he goes to a charter school which doesn’t offer lunch. If a kid forgets his lunch they give his a granola bar to tide him over. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/8 "2009-03-06T17:27:21Z")
> [@autz](#): > > My 11 year old son just called and told me he forgot his lunch. I am torn about whether I should bring it to him or not. > > Yes I should bring it: It’s not far out of my way and I have the time. The kid is only 11 and usually remembers his lunch, I should cut him a break. Besides, it’s hard to think clearly and pay attention in school when you are hungry. > > No I shouldn’t bring it: This isn’t the first time he’s forgotten it and how will this kid ever learn responsibility if I always cover for him. He should learn the natural consequences of his mistake and one day without lunch won’t hurt him any. > > What do you think? I think you should bring him his lunch. I’m sure this will really show I’m not a parent, but as an adult I don`t expect to be punished for making innocent mistakes and I don`t think I liked it anymore as an 11 year old. If you need to teach him a lesson, have him make lunch himself to help him remember to take it. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/9 "2009-03-06T17:31:22Z")
I forgot mine today too…would you mind swinging my here on the way back? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/10 "2009-03-06T17:31:31Z")
He already makes his own lunch. Today it’s a bagel with cream cheese, a small container of mandarin oranges, some animal crackers and a Capris Sun. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/11 "2009-03-06T17:32:46Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I forgot mine today too..would you mind swinging my here on the way back? Thanks. Sure, I’ll be by in about 26 hours (that’s how long it takes to drive from Tucson to Florida). See you then! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/12 "2009-03-06T17:39:52Z")
> [@autz](#): > > He can’t charge it or get a plate lunch because he goes to a charter school which doesn’t offer lunch. If a kid forgets his lunch they give his a granola bar to tide him over. A granola bar is good enough to keep him going. If he already makes it, he needs to learn to remember it. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/13 "2009-03-06T17:46:00Z")
I say bring it, but eat his animal crackers. It’s a fee. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19adc/32.png) [@I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Am_The_Lorax)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/14 "2009-03-06T17:50:01Z")
I remember calling my mom a few times for the same reason. Her response? “Duuude…that sucks, huh?” Luckily I had a few friends who each gave me something from thier lunches, I bet your son does, too. I started making (and bringing!) my own lunch after that. No worries. One of the biggest lessons to learn on your way to being a grown-up is “Make-do with what you got” He’ll be ok today, and tomorrow, he’ll be so much better. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/15 "2009-03-06T17:50:41Z")
As a teacher, I’d like all pupils to be alert, which includes being properly fed. One hungry child can disrupt an entire class. However (as Harriet the Spry said), I think there should be fair consequences later, so he realises you are not his servant. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/16 "2009-03-06T18:22:28Z")
I say bring it. But… Before you get there, change into a bright yellow-striped/green polka-dotted leisure suit, big, honking galoshes, a cowboy hat (or bowler) that is either five sizes too large or too small, and one of those rainbow umbrellas. You may want to practice skipping, especially if you haven’t done it in a while or the boots are oversized. Make sure the little dickkens gets lots of hugs and wuv in addition to the delivery – and any pet or affectionate names (real or made up on the spot) should be loudly annunciated. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Batman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@The\_Batman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Batman)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/17 "2009-03-06T18:22:53Z")
It’s just a lunch not homework, send it to him if it’s not a hassle. I doubt he’ll think of you as his maid and gofer because he forgot his lunch one day and I’m sure he won’t end up living with you until he’s 40 because he didn’t learn some lesson that would’ve probably gone right over his head anyway. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/18 "2009-03-06T18:25:11Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I think you should bring him his lunch. I’m sure this will really show I’m not a parent, but as an adult I don`t expect to be punished for making innocent mistakes and I don`t think I liked it anymore as an 11 year old. If you need to teach him a lesson, have him make lunch himself to help him remember to take it. I agree. I think it is pointlessly mean-spirited to make the kid go without a lunch just because he made a mistake. Everyone forgets things sometimes. There are nicer ways to teach kids to be responsible. One thing I’ve always appreciated about my mom is that she was always there for me and I could count on her. I can’t imagine that if there was a way for her to help me out that she would choose not to do it just to “teach me a lesson”. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/19 "2009-03-06T18:57:19Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > I agree. I think it is pointlessly mean-spirited to make the kid go without a lunch just because he made a mistake. Everyone forgets things sometimes. There are nicer ways to teach kids to be responsible. > > One thing I’ve always appreciated about my mom is that she was always there for me and I could count on her. I can’t imagine that if there was a way for her to help me out that she would choose not to do it just to “teach me a lesson”. One day when I was in 2nd grade, the arm to my glasses fell off. There wasn’t any violent impact, it just broke. In retrospect I’m sure the screw came loose, and fell out - the same thing happened to my sunglasses just last year and I wear very nice Maui Jim sunglasses. So I wore the glasses all day, with one arm and the nose bridge holding them on my face pretty well. Actually I was pretty content because I was convinced wearing glasses with only one arm was incredibly cool and futuristic looking. Then I went to my afternoon speech therapy class (couldn’t get that “th” sound out), and the speech therapist tried to convince me that my parents would be furious with me for breaking my glasses. Even at the age of 7 I was completely and utterly baffled why anyone would conceivably be angry at me for something that was so obviously an innocent mistake. It could have happened to anyone… it DOES happen to anyone. So yeah, I always appreciated my parents treating me fairly too. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544/20 "2009-03-06T19:07:10Z")
> [@autz](#): > > This isn’t the first time he’s forgotten it and how will this kid ever learn responsibility if I always cover for him. He should learn the natural consequences of his mistake and one day without lunch won’t hurt him any. I say, bring him the lunch, but discuss with him later exactly how he’s going to change his behavior so that he doesn’t forget it in the future. Give him the chance to think about the mistake and figure out how to remedy it. Will missing lunch give him the incentive to think about his forgetfulness, and make positive steps to improve himself, or just make him think you’re a jerk who won’t help him in a pinch? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-take-my-son-his-lunch/488544.md?page=2)