# Should I tell my daughter to slap this boy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 29, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166 "2010-03-29T01:35:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/21 "2010-03-29T04:44:47Z")
I vote no on the slap for several reasons, most of which have already been covered. But another one is that she could very well find herself getting punched out by a kid who takes the view that if she’s gonna act like a man and hit him, then he’ll treat her like a man and hit her back. It sounds like the kid currently in question probably won’t, but who knows how he’ll respond if she finally does connect and embarrass/piss him off. And even if he doesn’t smack (or worse, punch) her back, it’s still a dangerous precedent to set for her think that slapping guys is the appropriate response to their pissing her off or treating her badly. The next guy or the next guy or the next guy after that might just coldcock her. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/22 "2010-03-29T04:49:55Z")
My advice is for her to simply tell him “I’m not interested. Knock it off, and grow the fuck up.” We’re a bit more direct in Australia than you lot in the US, you understand. ---
**Author:** ![Pedro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pedro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pedro)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/23 "2010-03-29T05:14:34Z")
No. It’s wrong and doesn’t reflect well on or benefit your daughter. You should teach her that she shouldn’t hit anyone if she isn’t ready to be hit back. You could also encourage her to try a serious conversation with the boy. “Why are you being so mean to me? I didn’t think you were a jerk before. Have I done something to upset you?” Etc. ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/24 "2010-03-29T05:59:15Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > My advice is for her to simply tell him “I’m not interested. Knock it off, and grow the fuck up.” > > We’re a bit more direct in Australia than you lot in the US, you understand. What can you expect? We were founded by Puritans, and you were founded by prisoners!😛 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/25 "2010-03-29T06:07:01Z")
No, she should sleep with his best friend. That makes at least as much sense as hitting him. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/26 "2010-03-29T06:12:37Z")
She definitely _should_ have slapped him, but at this point she kinda missed the opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/27 "2010-03-29T09:26:36Z")
Thanks for the replies. I do agree with what everyone is saying. I just don’t know how to say to her “be confident and stand up for yourself, but by the way your judgment on how to handle this is way off.” One message seems to undermine the other. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/28 "2010-03-29T09:34:34Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > No to the slap - it’s long past time to get over the idea that it’s okay for women to hit men. If this was a 12 year old boy going to slap a 12 year old girl, I don’t think we’d even be having this discussion. Agreed. There is an enormous difference between knowing how to defend yourself from a physical assault (which we all should do) and being willing to assault others (which is what this would be). My response to dudes whose own take on me saying no was similar to this boy’s was a heavy dose of :rolleyes:. “With those looks and that charm, and he thinks any girl who doesn’t want to date him is a lesbian? That makes 99.999% of the women in the world lesbians…” ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/29 "2010-03-29T09:47:05Z")
Seeing as he and his cronies are trying to pretend that not wanting to go out with one letch means she doesn’t like guys at all, my first inclination would be to either sarcastically run with it (“Yes, you’re right. [Moron] is so repulsive that he’s put me off guys altogether.” :rolleyes:) or just point out how much of a loser he is (“No you haven’t put me off all guys, just you. Have you considered that this sort of bullshit might be why you don’t have a girlfriend?”). Or, what **Nava** just said. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/30 "2010-03-29T09:55:35Z")
If the exchange had already taken place and she’d slapped him in the heat of anger, I think that would have been justifiable, however, to _plan in advance_ to slap him if he continues is, I think, stepping over the line - and as others have said, will make _him_ the injured party. A confident and firm put-down would be better. (edited out a suggestion I made in haste, but is not really appropriate, on reflection) ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/31 "2010-03-29T10:01:51Z")
OK, so nobody doubts the interpretation that he likes her? It seems likely to me, but when I suggested it to her, she dismissed the possibility. But maybe she is oblivious, because she’s not interested in him. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/32 "2010-03-29T10:05:06Z")
He likes her, or he wants her not necessarily even in the sexual sense but in the sense of “collecting” her (some of my classmates had that kind of mentality, I promise they never got even to first base), or he’s just pissy because How Dare She Say No. The Rules say that once he asks, she must say yes! She’s not playing by the rules! Never mind that what she’s said is “I’m not playing”. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/33 "2010-03-29T10:37:23Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > “Coming off as an adult is frowned on by her peers”? Where in the world did you get this idea? > > The whole concept of adult vs. juvenile behavior is that adult behavior is good, juvenile bad. It’s not juveniles consider the behavior good, just that they don’t know any better. Sure, it’s considered bad. If it sounds too practiced and “smart”, then it’s nerdy, therefore more material for being made fun of. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/34 "2010-03-29T11:55:28Z")
I definitely subscribe to the ‘only get physical if you’re going to put them down’ school. Ok, these are still kids, but in an adult situation it is not acceptable for a woman to hit a man (and vice versa). if nothing else, some people instinctively or are trained to reactively hit back. Don’t start it if you’re not willing for the escalation. I know things may be a bit different down under. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/35 "2010-03-29T12:39:55Z")
IME, saying loudly, “Thank you, [Name]” at every provocation cuts off the provocation pretty quickly. There’s no smartass comeback to that. You look mature and strong, and the attacker has nothing left to deal with. I used this one in my senior year of high school (boy on boy verbal attacks). It really drives home the contempt with which you hold this person’s opinion, too. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/36 "2010-03-29T13:39:12Z")
I may be inclined to respond with, “I hate to break it to you, but just because a girl isn’t attracted to you, it doesn’t make her a lesbian. It makes her a girl with some taste.” ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/37 "2010-03-29T17:03:55Z")
My interpretation of the situation on the facts given is that the girl was non-commital rather than clear when the boy expressed interest, and things have gotten out of hand due a mixed up mental model in his head. This doesn’t make his behaviour right, but any confusing or hurt driving his behaviour is genuine, and was avoidable. 1. What he is doing is not acceptable 2. Responding with violence isn’t acceptable either 3. Find a better way to deal with it AND be more clear next time ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/38 "2010-03-29T17:22:28Z")
When I was twelve, if a girl slapped me, I would have slapped her back. The kid is clearly trying to save face. The girl insulted him in front of his peers, so he’s trying to shake it off and come out looking better than the girl in the eyes of his friends. And you think hitting him will stop that behavior? You’ve got to be kidding. He’ll just feel even more dissed, and probably take it out (physically) on her. If he can’t get a date with her, he’s _certainly_ not going to lose a fight to her. I’d call the teacher and principal. They take care of these things pretty well once parents get involved. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/39 "2010-03-29T17:32:44Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > I may be inclined to respond with, “I hate to break it to you, but just because a girl isn’t attracted to you, it doesn’t make her a lesbian. It makes her a girl with some taste.” Great come back! ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166/40 "2010-03-29T17:41:07Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > Thanks for the replies. I do agree with what everyone is saying. I just don’t know how to say to her “be confident and stand up for yourself, but by the way your judgment on how to handle this is way off.” One message seems to undermine the other. She’s twelve! She’s not supposed to have great judgment about things yet! How about “be confident and stand up for yourself, but by the way, there are better ways to handle this besides hitting him”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-tell-my-daughter-to-slap-this-boy/534166.md?page=3)