# Should I try calling her again? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442 "2007-08-30T00:43:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Admiral\_Crunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@Admiral\_Crunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Admiral_Crunch)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/1 "2007-08-30T00:43:53Z")
Hey guys, this is a great site! Just thought I’d pose a scenario I’ve been mulling over. I saw a girl this past weekend, and the date seemed to have gone pretty well. She indicated she wanted to meet again the following weekend (this weekend), and that I should call her to set that up. I am unable to reach her a couple days later so I leave a message. Unfortunately, the second I hang up the phone I already get the feeling that I didn’t follow her voicemail instructions properly (long story) and that the message may not have went through. You can guess that she hasn’t contacted me back yet. I’m kind of thrown for a loop because, believe it or not, I’ve never had a girl tell me she wanted to go out again, and then not be able to talk to her again. Naturally, if she did get my message, she either changed her mind, or for whatever reason is unable to get back to me. Honestly, though, I’m really only about 50% sure that my message was properly saved. At this point, my thought is just to give her a final call sometime early next week and just leave it at that. I guess what I’m hung up on is if she didn’t get my message at all, then my calling so much later would simply annoy her, and my reasons for not doing so earlier would just sound like a lame excuse. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/2 "2007-08-30T00:45:24Z")
Can you e-mail her? That’s a more low pressure way of contacting someone. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/3 "2007-08-30T02:15:39Z")
If you really think that she may not have gotten your message, you should call again and follow the instructions more carefully. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, she just won’t answer. If she didn’t get your message before now you’ll be golden. Just be careful this time. When you leave your message you should say something like “… and you know you really should get a less complicated voicemail system. The one you have now is completely overblown and functions more as a test for obedience than a message service–I mean, I had a good time the other night and we should get together again sometime. Like Saturday at 0300 Zulu. That’s 8 pm Friday here in California, but I like to use Zulu because it’s more precise. Shall I pick you up?” Also, have you considered having “Why don’t you love me?” skywritten above her apartment? I think it sounds like a reasonable compromise. 1. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/4 "2007-08-30T02:39:26Z")
[QUOTE=sinjin] When you leave your message you should say something like “… and you know you really should get a less complicated voicemail system. The one you have now is completely overblown and functions more as a test for obedience than a message service–I mean, I had a good time the other night and we should get together again sometime. Like Saturday at 0300 Zulu. That’s 8 pm Friday here in California, but I like to use Zulu because it’s more precise. Shall I pick you up?” 8) [/QUOTE] That must be geek talk? I can guarantee, if she didn’t want to call before, that msg. will convince her to lose your number. Just try again, paying close attention to instructions. If she doesn’t return that call, forget it and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/5 "2007-08-30T06:46:29Z")
[QUOTE=Admiral Crunch] I guess what I’m hung up on is if she didn’t get my message at all, then my calling so much later would simply annoy her, and my reasons for not doing so earlier would just sound like a lame excuse. What do you think? [/QUOTE] I think that the loss from _not_ calling her at all - which you may have done - is hugely more than the loss from calling her a second time - which you may not be doing. Don’t always expect the worst; she may be pleased you’re so keen that you’re confirming things. And ferkrissake don’t criticise her voicemail system, how could that possibly improve things at this stage? ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/6 "2007-08-30T10:13:38Z")
I vote calling again. If she’s into you, she won’t care you called a second time. If she’s not into you, you could easily end up getting her voicemail again anyhow. Or you get her voicemail again and make another unsuccessful attempt to leave a message and she cries herself to sleep this weekend wondering why you haven’t called. ---
**Author:** ![SomeUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@SomeUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SomeUserName)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/7 "2007-08-30T12:05:59Z")
There is also the slight chance that even if you did leave the voice mail correctly that it still was not delivered. I have had gremlins steal voice messages I have left and have had them stolen from me that others have left. My vote is to try one more time. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/8 "2007-08-30T12:26:36Z")
If she said she wanted to go out this weekend, call her later today or tomorrow to follow up. Just say you tried to leave a message, but didn’t hear back, and ask if she’s still interested in going out. I would not wait until next week, if she didn’t get the message, she’ll think you aren’t interested. ---
**Author:** ![joazito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@joazito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joazito)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/9 "2007-08-30T13:20:53Z")
[QUOTE=A.R. Cane] That must be geek talk? I can guarantee, if she didn’t want to call before, that msg. will convince her to lose your number. Just try again, paying close attention to instructions. If she doesn’t return that call, forget it and move on. [/QUOTE] Are you kidding me? That was the funniest thing. It may not work for the OP, but damn I sure liked that (note I’m male, don’t take my word for it working with the gals) ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/10 "2007-08-30T23:38:14Z")
[QUOTE=sinjin] If you really think that she may not have gotten your message, you should call again and follow the instructions more carefully. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, she just won’t answer. If she didn’t get your message before now you’ll be golden. Just be careful this time. When you leave your message you should say something like “… and you know you really should get a less complicated voicemail system. The one you have now is completely overblown and functions more as a test for obedience than a message service–I mean, I had a good time the other night and we should get together again sometime. Like Saturday at 0300 Zulu. That’s 8 pm Friday here in California, but I like to use Zulu because it’s more precise. Shall I pick you up?” Also, have you considered having “Why don’t you love me?” skywritten above her apartment? I think it sounds like a reasonable compromise. 1. [/QUOTE] People, people listen up: the first paragraph was the advice. The rest was…well just think about it. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/11 "2007-08-31T15:22:27Z")
To the OP, please bear in mind we are going to need closure on this anecdote. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/12 "2007-08-31T15:38:11Z")
Call her and leave a message. Don’t get accusatory re the voicemail system. Say something like "Had a sinking feeling, I screwed something up with your voicemail system, would you like to grab a drink, see a movie, etc. ) State that you may had screwed something up with vm system and tell her that you’d like to go out with her. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2007, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/13 "2007-08-31T15:44:53Z")
[QUOTE=Admiral Crunch] Hey guys, this is a great site! Just thought I’d pose a scenario I’ve been mulling over. I saw a girl this past weekend, and the date seemed to have gone pretty well. She indicated she wanted to meet again the following weekend (this weekend), and that I should call her to set that up. I am unable to reach her a couple days later so I leave a message. Unfortunately, the second I hang up the phone I already get the feeling that I didn’t follow her voicemail instructions properly (long story) and that the message may not have went through. [/quote] All the other advice about trying to get through the VM again is great…but how many times have you actually called her? If it’s once, I can believe you might honestly have messed up the instructions. If we’re talking like 4+ calls, I would think you’re just looking for an excuse to keep calling. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2007, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/14 "2007-08-31T23:21:24Z")
I fear he may have called too many times and she went to his house and throttled him. I can’t help but feel this is somehow my fault. If only I had suggested skywriting as a _first_ alternative. ---
**Author:** ![Thorium\_Indium\_Potassium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@Thorium\_Indium\_Potassium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thorium_Indium_Potassium)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2007, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/15 "2007-09-01T02:30:08Z")
[QUOTE=sinjin] I fear he may have called too many times and she went to his house and throttled him. I can’t help but feel this is somehow my fault. If only I had suggested skywriting as a _first_ alternative. [/QUOTE] No, you needed to suggest smoke signals. Trust me on this one. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2007, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/16 "2007-09-01T02:59:41Z")
Would you believe a message in a bottle? (Maxwell Smart) ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2007, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-i-try-calling-her-again/417442/17 "2007-09-01T11:39:30Z")
I must ask, how complicated can this voice mail be that there is the possibility of a message not being recorded?. In all systems I have seen, once you hear that beep, the message is saved. You have options later on to listen and modify it, to tag it or whatever, but whatever you say after the beep is saved when you hang up. Please give us a summary of the steps involved.