# Should "implied consent" apply to married couples? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 17, 2013, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025 "2013-09-17T03:28:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/1 "2013-09-17T03:28:26Z")
I’m not talking about forcible rape. I mean, like, if your spouse is drunk, or asleep ---
**Author:** ![Farin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e79b87/32.png) [@Farin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farin)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/2 "2013-09-17T03:48:24Z")
If the spouse is asleep? No. There is no way that person can consent. (This leaves out fringe cases like sexsomnia. I can make an exception there for mental illness of one party to do it in their sleep.) If the spouse is drunk and awake and says “Yes” (or crawls all over you) then it should be acceptable if you are also in the mood. If the spouse is too drunk to speak clearly enough to say “Yes” or cannot carry themselves enough to crawl all over you, then it shouldn’t happen. That being said, every situation is different and your own intoxication may make you unable to act cohesively, especially in the second and third situations. Just don’t assume. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/3 "2013-09-17T04:15:08Z")
> [@Farin](#): > > If the spouse is asleep? No. There is no way that person can consent. If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment. ---
**Author:** ![Farin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e79b87/32.png) [@Farin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farin)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/4 "2013-09-17T04:17:04Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment. There’s an easy way around this: Say “Hey, I don’t mind if you ever wake me with a handy or beej, babe.” Instant consent. I interpreted the question of “You come across your sleeping spouse and this has never been discussed before…” ---
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/5 "2013-09-17T04:22:14Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment. I always figured that’s why it’s never happened: because the law prohibited it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/6 "2013-09-17T04:43:10Z")
> [@Farin](#): > > There’s an easy way around this: > > Say “Hey, I don’t mind if you ever wake me with a handy or beej, babe.” Instant consent. > > I interpreted the question of “You come across your sleeping spouse and this has never been discussed before…” That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past. ---
**Author:** ![Farin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e79b87/32.png) [@Farin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farin)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/7 "2013-09-17T04:48:44Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past. What is the duration to consent? Honest question. I don’t see much in a lazy attempt at Googling. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/8 "2013-09-17T04:52:50Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past. Are you saying that I can’t say to my wife - sweetie - “I love being woken up by a blowjob - feel free to give me a hummer whenever you want” - and have have be good forever - or at least until you break up - or revoke the consent? What has the world come to if this isn’t the case? I think we should open up a separate thread so everyone interested can post their ongoing consent preferences 🙂 Or maybe have a universal color code on a bedpost type thing. Say black sock on bedpost on your side of bed gives person on other side of the bed permission to do whatever they want while you are asleep. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/9 "2013-09-17T05:10:20Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment. I would guess that guys rarely, if ever, report these kinds of things to the police, “consent” or not. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/10 "2013-09-17T05:15:20Z")
Supreme Court of Canada said no, two years ago: [Supreme Court decision on sexual consent](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/supreme-court-decision-on-sexual-consent-1.1016085) > [@](#): > > Friday’s Supreme Court of Canada decision, which strikes down the notion that a person can give advance consent to sexual activity that takes place while that person is unconscious, does not radically alter the existing laws on sexual assault. > > Still, legal experts say it is an important reaffirmation and clarification of those laws. > > “It clears up any misapprehension that there is such a thing as implied consent, advance consent or continuous consent, particularly in the context of spousal or other intimate relationships,” says Melanie Randall, who teaches law at the University of Western Ontario in London. “The Supreme Court is really unambiguous that there is no special exemptions or exceptions in these contexts.” ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/11 "2013-09-17T06:52:20Z")
If one’s wife was of a mind to object, perhaps one shouldn’t be married to her. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/12 "2013-09-17T10:09:57Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment. > [@robert\_columbia](#): > > I would guess that guys rarely, if ever, report these kinds of things to the police, “consent” or not. Thank you for your statement, I think I understand what happened to you this morning, we will seek a warrant for her arrest. Wait… I’m not pressing charges! You’re not? Then why did you tell me about it? I’m telling everyone! Ultimately, it comes down to Doggo’s post. If your spouse is going to be angry enough about your sleepytime sexual activities to press charges, you should probably not do it. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/13 "2013-09-17T10:18:34Z")
I can’t fathom **wanting** to have sex with my partner if he/she was either (a) too drunk to verbally consent or (b) asleep. I fail to see what impact being married or not has on that. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/14 "2013-09-17T11:07:12Z")
Maybe I’m just ignorant on the subject (a real possibility) but I fail to see how your spouse having sex with you when you don’t give consent is necessarily a problem. That’s not to say I don’t believe marital rape exists, but if you’ve had sex with someone a thousand times before, have a normal sex life with them, etc., I don’t see how “surprise sex” _needs_ to be rape, in the sense that at worst it would be an annoyance for the person being woken up by a horny spouse, not a traumatic experience. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/15 "2013-09-17T11:24:05Z")
> [@Farin](#): > > You come across your sleeping spouse Wait . . .a facial needs consent? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/16 "2013-09-17T11:37:30Z")
> [@LinusK](#): > > I’m not talking about forcible rape. I mean, like, if your spouse is drunk, or asleep Hell no. I got married. I didnt give up the right to control what happens to my body. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/17 "2013-09-17T12:05:24Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past. Could such a consent be regarded as a contract, if properly framed? ---
**Author:** ![Farin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e79b87/32.png) [@Farin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farin)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/18 "2013-09-17T12:50:55Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Wait . . .a facial needs consent? Of course. What if they stay asleep and roll over and get glued to the pillow and suffocate? ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/19 "2013-09-17T13:33:14Z")
I’ve been thinking that the laws were the same for a married couple and two unmarried people. I have no links to that, but it doesn’t make sense to permit sex with a woman who is not fully aware. Or a man either. This is one of those examples of a man treating a woman like **a thing**. A little foreplay can do wonders for waking up a sleeping woman and getting her consent. It’s still a no-no if she is drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025/20 "2013-09-17T13:50:10Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > A little foreplay can do wonders for waking up a sleeping woman and getting her consent. Do I need consent for the foreplay, or is it considered acceptable to fondle a sleeping woman? Do I have implied consent for 3rd base, or just 2nd? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-implied-consent-apply-to-married-couples/669025.md?page=2)