I did the “baby dance” for years, never conceiving through everything but IVF, (AI, IUI, spermwashing) which was simply beyond our financial grasp.
After giving up on ever having a child, figuring that there was just something wrong that we didn’t know about (and couldn’t even properly diagnose, because, again, insurance wouldn’t even allow me to find out what was wrong with my body) and that we were just going to have to live with it, we looked at adopting. We were, at the age of 35, going to end up disqualified by our age, because we weren’t going to get to the top of the waiting list before we maxed out chronologically. Nice.
Finally I ended up with a completely non-reproductive health problem which necessitated an ultrasound. During that, we found out that my problems were very likely caused by a small (though obvious) and completely fixable defect in the one fallopian tube that I was born with. (Another thing that we never knew because insurance wouldn’t let us know.) Because the only reason for repairing this defect in my body was to make it possible for me to conceive a child, again, insurance wouldn’t cover it. I could’ve privately paid for the surgery, but it was surgery, and if anything had gone wrong while I was having off-plan medical care, insurance wouldn’t cover me for those complications. It was just too risky. We have some money, but not enough to pay for, say, unlimited care if some idiosyncrasy had left me paralyzed or otherwise screwed up.
What kills me is that if a fallopian tube had ruptured as a result of having pelvic inflammatory disease (usually caused by untreated STDs) I would’ve been home free. Insurance would’ve paid for the repair without blinking. If I had lied and run to the hospital complaining of outrageous pelvic pain which led to the discovery of the defect, no problem. But because I was honest and hadn’t gotten an STD, I was a 6 millimeter tear away from possibly conceiving and couldn’t get any help.
I finally got the defect fixed when I had my appendix out two and a half years ago. (Since she was “in the area” my doctor, who knew about the problem, made the repair gratis, because she’s lovely. It simply required 12 microscopic stitches.) As many of you know, Mr. tlw and I had a baby girl earlier this summer.
There are, as has been noted, varying degrees and causes of infertility, and varying fixes. When you’re not whole, when your body doesn’t do something that it’s naturally supposed to do, you think that medicine can help you. You rely upon medicine to help you. When bureaucracy and red tape and decisions made from on high solely because of cost-benefit analyses and fears of outrageous spikes in claims (which could easily be avoided by simply capping benefits) makes it impossible for medicine to help you unless you’re rich, it’s frightening.
My infertility was easily understood. Many cases are not. But if infertility treatments are brought into plans, it will behoove the insurers to try to work to figure out if there is anything that can be done to prevent all of these rampant problems. (20% and rising should scare everyone.) Perhaps then we might see someone working to find out what it is that has so many reproductive systems screwed up – is it hormonal, is it something in the food we eat or the water we drink, something in the environment? Right now we don’t know, because infertility treatment is the province of the non-aligned, unorganized, bastard children of medicine.