# Should my son be allowed to charge up food at school to any amount he wants? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2010, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543 "2010-09-30T00:57:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/61 "2010-09-30T14:40:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Our school doesn’t accept cash - just the pin system. So its either “let them buy what they want” or “close the account and have them pack lunch.” Yes, this seems too obvious to me. No account. He gets to brown-bag it. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/62 "2010-09-30T14:42:40Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > What’s wrong with muffins? ☹ Read the ingredients. It’s basically cake. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/63 "2010-09-30T14:42:57Z")
Good Lord. Dominic is 15? I can hardly believe it. Man, it’s been a long ten years. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/64 "2010-09-30T14:45:46Z")
> [@Incref](#): > > Does your son get an allowance? If he doesn’t I’d start giving him $6 a week and then billing him for the breakfasts at the end of the week, I’m pretty sure he’ll quickly work out that he can save the money from muffins and eat at home or at least cut down on the number of days he eats crap at school. Or did I miss the point? I think you missed the point. Dominic is consciously and deliberately defying **Opal’s** explicit instructions. She can’t let him continue doing that, and she can’t let that be without consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/65 "2010-09-30T14:50:21Z")
I’d be all for handling it at home but the school is undermining you. You pretty much have to close that account don’t you? Does he have a job? I got a job and a drivers license when I turned 14 and this wasn’t ye olden days of uphill both ways in the snow, I graduated in '03. Might be hard in this economy but I worked my way into my first job by volunteering. _shrug_ I’m not a parent but a little hard work never hurt anyone, right? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/66 "2010-09-30T14:50:36Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I haven’t seen it mentioned yet, but the breakfast room in my high school was used a lot for socializing. He’s buying breakfast because his friends are buying breakfast. Not relevant. Nothing is keeping him from sitting with his friends in the cafeteria. He can eat the apple in his lunch bag if he feels he must actually eat with them rather than just hang out. > [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Also, if you don’t want the kid eating breakfast as school because you have breakfast stuff at home, just stop buying breakfast stuff for the home. Problem solved. That’s not **Opal** ’s problem. It’s not that he’s getting two breakfasts, the problem is that the kid is making crap choices and eating stuff they don’t want him to eat. Period. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/67 "2010-09-30T14:58:46Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Not relevant. Nothing is keeping him from sitting with his friends in the cafeteria. He can eat the apple in his lunch bag if he feels he must actually eat with them rather than just hang out. I’m not sure that we know that. Schools have a gazillon different rules that vary by school - we’ve seen it here - schools that can limit accounts, schools that can’t, schools that can take cash. The school may not allow kids in the cafeteria for breakfast unless they are actually going to eat breakfast (if I were a school principal, I sure wouldn’t. Cafeterias are places for trouble - keep the non-eaters in homeroom/study hall). I’d call the cafeteria supervisor or the district food manager (whatever they are called). They’ve dealt with this problem a gazillion times. Don’t complain or put the burden on them - explain the issue and then ask “what can I do? How does your system work so that I can limit this?” It may be “we close the account and your kid will need to pack lunch” or it may be “well, we can put limits on it.” You’ll at least know how far your kid can get into the hole before they stop feeding him unless its a dire emergency. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/68 "2010-09-30T15:00:44Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > I’d be all for handling it at home but the school is undermining you. You pretty much have to close that account don’t you? > > Does he have a job? I got a job and a drivers license when I turned 14 and this wasn’t ye olden days of uphill both ways in the snow, I graduated in '03. Might be hard in this economy but I worked my way into my first job by volunteering. > > _shrug_ I’m not a parent but a little hard work never hurt anyone, right? Allowable driving age varies from state to state. I know **Opal’s** not in Calif. but here you can’t get a permit until 15 or 151/2(not sure) and full license with restrictions at 16. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/69 "2010-09-30T15:04:37Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > For heaven’s sake. > > He has abused the privilege of having an account. Therefore, you close the account, and he can take a bag lunch and breakfast to school. If this is terminally un-cool and causes all his friends to think he is a geek, so much the better. > > He continues to take his lunch to school in a bag until he has worked off the debt by doing extra chores. When that is done, you can give him $2.50 a day, for him to spend as he wishes on food. That’s basically what I was thinking. My thoughts were either make him bring lunch, or give him the money in cash, then let him figure the rest out. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/70 "2010-09-30T15:09:01Z")
Well, we had this exact same problem recently with my 8-year-old, and I mean, the exact same problem. He was getting breakfast at school without permission and sending his lunch account into the negative. He was told that from now on, when his lunch account runs out, he’s brown-bagging it, including a drink (i.e. no buying milk) until the date when he is supposed to get an account refill, AND, if the account goes negative in that time, he’s making it up out of his allowance. This seems to have done the trick. If that didn’t work, next step would have been brown-bagging it for the rest of the school year and no lunch account. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/71 "2010-09-30T15:17:05Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > The school may not allow kids in the cafeteria for breakfast unless they are actually going to eat breakfast (if I were a school principal, I sure wouldn’t. Cafeterias are places for trouble - keep the non-eaters in homeroom/study hall). Wow, is that what it’s come down to now? That’s so pathetic. When I was in school, the cafeteria was a place with tables were you could sit. The cafeteria was not a “place for trouble”, it was an eating place, meeting room, alternate study spot all rolled up into one. Access was never restricted. But still my point still stands. If he wants to eat with his freinds, then he can take an apple out of his lunch and eat with them. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/72 "2010-09-30T15:20:05Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Unfortunately for all of us, he has a history of lying about things. We’ve been trying very hard for years to instill a sense of honesty in him, and also responsibility (both financial and otherwise) but he is rather immature for his age and it doesn’t always feel like our progress is that fast. > > While I agree that I need to work with Dominic on this problem, I also think that the school is wrong to give my son an open-ended line of credit that I will then have to repay. I think it sends absolutely the wrong message to the kids as well as putting me financially on the hook for something that I didn’t agree to. He’s disobeying you and you need to find some, oh, what’s the word, punishment to make him realize he is doing the wrong thing. When I posted my first response I assumed he was about 8 years old. Now that I know he is a teenager, it’s different. He is disobeying you. He is incurring a debt. It needs to be repaid. **You** work out how to deal with it. Stop blaming the school. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/73 "2010-09-30T15:27:42Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > > [@Chopper9760](#): > > > > I’d be all for handling it at home but the school is undermining you. You pretty much have to close that account don’t you? > > > > Does he have a job? I got a job and a drivers license when I turned 14 and this wasn’t ye olden days of uphill both ways in the snow, I graduated in '03. Might be hard in this economy but I worked my way into my first job by volunteering. > > > > _shrug_ I’m not a parent but a little hard work never hurt anyone, right? > > Allowable driving age varies from state to state. I know **Opal’s** not in Calif. but here you can’t get a permit until 15 or 151/2(not sure) and full license with restrictions at 16. And a lot of states don’t allow teens under 16 to work in most jobs. Even at 16 and 17, kids are subject to curfews and various working hours and limits to how many hours they can work each day and each week in many states. This doesn’t prevent him from babysitting, mowing lawns, cleaning, or general chores, but it might very well prevent him from getting a job as a clerk or waiter in many states. My daughter had a regular allowance at that age, and was expected to pay for school lunches and whatever else she wanted to eat from it. The allowance was well above the basic school lunch, but we also expected her to save for stuff like books and movies from it. We expected her to do chores (dishwasher, clean the cat boxes, etc.) in exchange for the allowance, too. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/74 "2010-09-30T15:29:40Z")
We had a similar issue last year with my husband’s son. Turns out he was buying lunches for all his friends and having them pay _him_ for them in cash. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/75 "2010-09-30T15:31:28Z")
He’s never going to develop any sense of responsibility if you keep putting this on the school. Close the account if you don’t like the set up. Period. He’s 15, if you can’t get him to do as you request, in this regard, how do you expect the school to? If you’re that accepting of his immaturity, fine, no account. Reinstate it when you think he’s mature enough. Tell him why you closed it. Or, is this that you want the convenience of him buying his lunch, getting his own breakfast, and the school enforcing your rules? Close the damn account, already. Keep cereal bars in the house, and lunch cash to dispense daily. Myself, I think it’d just be easier to teach my child some personal responsibility, for their actions. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/76 "2010-09-30T15:53:37Z")
> [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > He’s disobeying you and you need to find some, oh, what’s the word, punishment to make him realize he is doing the wrong thing. When I posted my first response I assumed he was about 8 years old. Now that I know he is a teenager, it’s different. > > He is disobeying you. He is incurring a debt. It needs to be repaid. **You** work out how to deal with it. Stop blaming the school. Disobeying does not equal doing something wrong. You should ask him why, and probe the social aspect, get to the heart of the matter. This may be is a great opportunity to teach him that sometimes he is right by disobeying, or at least has a justifiable answer, and open the lines of communication between him and you so he can state his mind without fear. That lesson can help him follow his dreams even though others may discourage him. If it is social, then perhaps help him better define his food choices, after all the cost of a school breakfast is pretty low, almost at the rate of a home breakfast. I am also very disappointed by the number of replies to punish him, to come down hard, without even hearing his side. Is this how you want to be treated? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/77 "2010-09-30T16:04:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Disobeying does not equal doing something wrong. When a child is disobeying a parent, s/he is doing something wrong just about 99.9% of the time. If there is a problem or social aspect that isn’t immediately apparent, then the child needs to make this known to the parent. The solution is NOT to disobey and then expect forgiveness and for the parent to fix the problem/pay the debt. The OP has had this problem before. Her son could have made his problem known. Instead, he chose to disobey her again. He does need to learn that actions have consequences. Perhaps **Opalcat** is trying to conserve money, perhaps she doesn’t want him eating sweet rolls on a consistent basis. And perhaps Dominick is going through a growth spurt. But he DOES need to obey her reasonable orders, and telling him that she’ll pay for his lunch, but not his breakfasts (he has food available at home for breakfasts) is completely reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/78 "2010-09-30T16:07:32Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > > [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > > > He’s disobeying you and you need to find some, oh, what’s the word, punishment to make him realize he is doing the wrong thing. When I posted my first response I assumed he was about 8 years old. Now that I know he is a teenager, it’s different. > > > > He is disobeying you. He is incurring a debt. It needs to be repaid. **You** work out how to deal with it. Stop blaming the school. > > Disobeying does not equal doing something wrong. You should ask him why, and probe the social aspect, get to the heart of the matter. This may be is a great opportunity to teach him that sometimes he is right by disobeying, or at least has a justifiable answer, and open the lines of communication between him and you so he can state his mind without fear. That lesson can help him follow his dreams even though others may discourage him. > > If it is social, then perhaps help him better define his food choices, after all the cost of a school breakfast is pretty low, almost at the rate of a home breakfast. > > I am also very disappointed by the number of replies to punish him, to come down hard, without even hearing his side. Is this how you want to be treated? What color is the sky in your world? Are four-leaf clovers the norm while three-leaved-ones are considered good omens? ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/79 "2010-09-30T16:12:55Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You tell he that he is going to get a set amount of money in his account every week. That money is _all_ he’s going to get for the week. You let him know that he can charge whatever he wants, whenever he wants, but when the money runs out, that’s it. He’s not getting any more until next week. If he wants to eat breakfast on monday and tuesday, he can, but then he can go hungry on thursday and friday. He will not die if he misses a lunch, and he will learn, on his own, how to manage a budget and how to determine the difference between what he wants and what he needs. This is a lesson that will serve him well whenever he leaves home later. This is a _golden_ opporunity to teach him something about responsibility, money management and natural consequences. Seize it. That’s exactly what we did, our son’s freshman year. It worked. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/80 "2010-09-30T16:18:37Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > You tell he that he is going to get a set amount of money in his account every week. That money is _all_ he’s going to get for the week. You let him know that he can charge whatever he wants, whenever he wants, but when the money runs out, that’s it. He’s not getting any more until next week. If he wants to eat breakfast on monday and tuesday, he can, but then he can go hungry on thursday and friday. He will not die if he misses a lunch, and he will learn, on his own, how to manage a budget and how to determine the difference between what he wants and what he needs. This is a lesson that will serve him well whenever he leaves home later. This is a _golden_ opporunity to teach him something about responsibility, money management and natural consequences. Seize it. > > That’s exactly what we did, our son’s freshman year. It worked. But this seems to be the OP’s beef. The school is letting the kid continue to purchase stuff after the funds run out, so that he’s in the negative numbers and wracking up a debt, without permission, that they have to pay off. Really, the only solution is to cancel the account altogether, since he has demonstrated that he’s not responsible enough to have one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543.md?page=5)