# Should my son be allowed to charge up food at school to any amount he wants? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2010, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543 "2010-09-30T00:57:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/121 "2010-09-30T20:48:32Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > We moved just over a year ago, so he has friends he made last year. Ah, well in _that_ case, I shall no longer come to his rescue :p. But still, I do recommend the granola bars/protein bars in the locker. Doesn’t help the disrespect issue, of course, but does tackle the money issue. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/122 "2010-09-30T21:24:14Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > > [@Dangerosa](#): > > > > The school may not allow kids in the cafeteria for breakfast unless they are actually going to eat breakfast (if I were a school principal, I sure wouldn’t. Cafeterias are places for trouble - keep the non-eaters in homeroom/study hall). > > Wow, is that what it’s come down to now? That’s so pathetic. When I was in school, the cafeteria was a place with tables were you could sit. The cafeteria was not a “place for trouble”, it was an eating place, meeting room, alternate study spot all rolled up into one. Access was never restricted. > > But still my point still stands. If he wants to eat with his freinds, then he can take an apple out of his lunch and eat with them. Now? I went to a school that had assigned tables and seats in the 1970s. No eating with your friends, no talking over meals - lunch was to be SILENT. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/123 "2010-09-30T23:42:11Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat;12974088 \*\*I don’t know if we can get them to close the account. \*\*They told us last year flat out that they **will not refuse food** to a hungry kid… which I can appreciate in the case of kids who don’t have food at home, but he has lots of options for breakfast at home he just prefers the sugary muffins and sweet rolls he gets at school. [/QUOTE] If they are that stubbornly stupid, deliver a large box of dried veggies to them, along with a letter requiring that they feed it, and only it, to your son when he is hungry, and cautioning them that they must not interfere with your son’s special dietary needs. Pity that blockheads are educating your son. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/124 "2010-10-01T00:04:44Z")
Or more seriously, if the school will not stop feeding your son against your directions, and your son will not stop running up a tab agianst your instructions, how about penalizing him – no allowance, no going out after school or on wekends, no phone, no internet, door on his room removed, you know, just pull enough privileges until he stops stealing. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/125 "2010-10-01T00:06:34Z")
If the school is not willing to close the account and are insistent that he be given food on demand there is another solution. First, make him pay back what he has already spent. It sounds like you are already doing that which is an excellent step. Second, sit him down and explain that muffins are not free and he can’t keep charging just because the school will let him. Then the very next time you see that he has charged something you have not approved on his card you make his absolute favorite dessert. You serve dinner and then get dessert for yourself and your husband. When he goes to get a slice of pie/piece of cake/whatever you stop him and gently explain that you budget X number of dollars per person per week for food and that he has already met that amount because he bought breakfast. Explain how sad you are that he can’t have dessert tonight but since he already spent his dessert money on a muffin at school he doesn’t get the option of peanut butter cookies now. This might seem like a jerk thing to do but it will absolutely jolt him into reality. He will understand that there are consequences for his actions and that having something now often demands a sacrifice later and vice versa. If you just can’t bring yourself to do that to him your next best option is to sit him down with you at the table with your paycheck stubs and a pile of bills and have him fill out your checks for you as you send them off to pay for stuff. I know that at fifteen I logically knew that the mortgage payment was bigger than the car payment was bigger than the grocery bill but I had no solid numbers to put with any of that and my parents wouldn’t tell me what they earned because they felt it was none of my business. I just assumed that they made enough to cover all the bills and lots of extra stuff because I couldn’t fathom someone taking a job that didn’t pay more than enough to cover their needs. If they had sat down with me and gone over stuff with actual numbers I wouldn’t have fought so hard over why we couldn’t go out to dinner or get a pool or whatever extravagance I wanted that week. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/126 "2010-10-01T00:07:26Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > > [@kanicbird](#): > > > > Children should hopefully respect their parents, but when rules make no sense, or seem to hurt the child in the eyes of the child (such as denial to social interaction), the parents has to ask themselves what is the reason for insistence on this rule to make sure they are not just getting into a pissing match with their child, which they can use power to win that battle but ultimately lose respect. > > As a parent, I expect my child to obey rules I have set. I also expect him to ask for explanations of rules he doesn’t understand and to propose possible alternatives or compromises. He knows this. He does this. It works. Sometimes the rule is modified or done away with. Sometimes it isn’t. > > He also knows that when he doesn’t come talk to me about the rules he doesn’t like/understand and makes the decision to break those rules, there are consequences. Congrats **Rhiannogt8408** you must have discovered the secret of child raising :rolleyes:. very simply and with all due respect your expectation is ridiculous and worthy of scorn. If your child can not talk to you about what he/she feels is unjust then **you** have failed him. If you expect your child to follow rules you set I hope they are never in a burning house trapped by the rule that hey should never break a window to escape (yes it happens, DEAD CHILDREN). Children should be taught that rules AND laws are nothing more then suggested guidelines and to follow their hearts above all. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/127 "2010-10-01T00:13:33Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Now? I went to a school that had assigned tables and seats in the 1970s. No eating with your friends, no talking over meals - lunch was to be SILENT. Wow! I went to elementary in the 70’s, middle and high school in the 80’s and we never had any rules like this. What an awful way to spend your lunch hour. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/128 "2010-10-01T00:32:19Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > > [@OpalCat](#): > > > > Well, Playboy isn’t exactly porn. But taking away his Playboys is an idea that hadn’t occurred to me… > > It’s not? He reads it for the articles. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/129 "2010-10-01T01:19:35Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > > [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > > > As a parent, I expect my child to obey rules I have set. I also expect him to ask for explanations of rules he doesn’t understand and to propose possible alternatives or compromises. He knows this. He does this. It works. Sometimes the rule is modified or done away with. Sometimes it isn’t. > > > > He also knows that when he doesn’t come talk to me about the rules he doesn’t like/understand and makes the decision to break those rules, there are consequences. > > Congrats **Rhiannon8408** you must have discovered the secret of child raising :rolleyes:. very simply and with all due respect your expectation is ridiculous and worthy of scorn. If your child can not talk to you about what he/she feels is unjust then **you** have failed him. If you expect your child to follow rules you set I hope they are never in a burning house trapped by the rule that hey should never break a window to escape (yes it happens, DEAD CHILDREN). > > Children should be taught that rules AND laws are nothing more then suggested guidelines and to follow their hearts above all. I actually tried to type up several different responses to this, but I was laughing too hard to make any sense so I gave up. What we do works for us. So yes, I have discovered the secret to raising my child. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/130 "2010-10-01T01:24:38Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I hope they are never in a burning house trapped by the rule that hey should never break a window to escape (yes it happens, DEAD CHILDREN). Cite please – specifically, proof of children dying because they have been told to never break a window to escape a burning house. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/131 "2010-10-01T01:44:07Z")
OMG how can you demand a cite when he very clearly said DEAD CHILDREN. Don’t you know that DEAD CHILDREN wins the Internet? ---
**Author:** ![smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smoke)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/132 "2010-10-01T01:59:06Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I won’t try and guess about any issues extraneous to the OP’s problem, so, here’s my solution. > > 1. Tell son that if he doesn’t stop, you will go to the school and let everybody see it. > 2. Tell school to close the account. > 3. If they won’t close account, do not pay it. If you have given your express wishes against it, and if they keep extending credit, let them pay for it. > 4. If none of the above work, go to the school superintendant. > 5. Go to state representative. > 6. If none of those work, go online and find one of the watchdog groups that work against sugar in the school; equally, go to one of those that are so virulently against giving credit cards to new college grads; pimping out donuts to HS kids, on credit, may make some kind of stink. Call the newspaper and see who handles the education articles. > 7. Never hurts to talk to a lawyer. > > Best wishes, > hh I agree with this, the most retarded advice I’ve seen in this thread. You should definitely bust the school’s balls to the point where they have to waste time and tax payer money on revising a simple system to kowtow to one whiner. And then, you should incur the cost of a lawyer to sue that public school out of existence if things don’t go your way. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/133 "2010-10-01T02:00:04Z")
I will be astonished if the school won’t agree to specific restrictions. For example, you might say, “My son is, for moral reasons, not allowed to eat any product with dairy or eggs in them.” The moral reason here being that the little jerk broke your rules, but you don’t need to let the school know that: all they need to know is that no dairy or eggs are available to him for the foreseeable future. No muffins. I still think that placing the blame on the school is ridiculous. This is a family issue, and should be dealt with by the family. ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/134 "2010-10-01T02:19:49Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > > [@Gestalt](#): > > > > It’s not? > > He reads it for the articles. Nice! Personally, I will miss that joke far more than I will miss the magazine if it ever disappears. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/135 "2010-10-01T02:33:21Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I still think that placing the blame on the school is ridiculous. This is a family issue, and should be dealt with by the family. I don’t know about that. The school’s policy of feeding children all the time no matter what _on the parent’s dime_ seems a bit harsh to me. If I am having trouble affording food for my family I sure as shit am not benefitting from them being able to force me to spend $1.75 every morning on a muffin when they could have had 2 servings of oatmeal at home for less than 20 cents. The fact that the OP was told by the school that they would not restrict student’s access to food is fine and good if they are paying for what he eats. Part of the responsibility should be given to the OP because she needs to be able to impress upon her kid that these muffins in the morning are not coming from the magic muffin fairy but at the same time the school needs to work with her too. I’ve often thought that schools don’t teach nearly enough financial lessons in their curriculum but teachers always rightly point out that they shouldn’t have to give up valuable time out of their days to squeeze that information into the lesson plan. Here the school is handing out a tool that can teach children and teens the basic workings of a credit card and allowing them to go overdraft because they know that the parent will probably pay that bill. This is the place where learning to handle credit would fit beautifully into the school and they are treating it solely as a money maker for the cafeteria. In the OP’s situation her son is $14 in the hole, meaning they have let him charge breakfast to his account when it has no money in it more than 11 times or lunch when he has no money on the account more than 5 times. That is not the financial lesson a child needs to learn and I am quite frankly shocked that the school is using a fear of starving children to ruin what could be an opportunity to teach children one of the most important financial rules ever, which is to spend less than you have. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/136 "2010-10-01T08:22:49Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > OMG how can you demand a cite when he very clearly said DEAD CHILDREN. Don’t you know that DEAD CHILDREN wins the Internet? That’s just speciesism. DEAD SEA KITTENS !!! wins the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/137 "2010-10-01T08:28:07Z")
Giving unlimited junk food on demand to students contrary to their parent’s specific dietary instructions does not help the obesity crisis facing the USA. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/138 "2010-10-01T08:37:37Z")
Since he’s a teenager, would it be possible to work out a compromise where he can get a junkfood breakfast of his choice on Friday if he gets only lunches the rest of the week? Forbidding it outright may just make it more tempting. For some kids knowing there’s a treat coming up can make it easier to put off indulging now. I don’t know your son, obviously, so I don’t know if that applies to him. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/139 "2010-10-01T09:34:13Z")
> [@sachertorte](#): > > > [@OpalCat](#): > > > > They told us last year flat out that they **will not refuse food** to a hungry kid… which I can appreciate in the case of kids who don’t have food at home, but he has lots of options for breakfast at home he just prefers the sugary muffins and sweet rolls he gets at school. > > Then tell them they need to limit what they sell to healthy foods. Hungry kid?.. here have an apple or some celery. A muffin is not required to live. > > In my opinion this school is out of control. If they want to give your child food against your wishes, then they can pay for it. This. That is one screwed up school system. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543/140 "2010-10-01T09:46:06Z")
No one seems to be getting at the heart of this problem. First off, seeing as the school is not trying to make a profit, and gets its food wholesale, there’s no reason that the food should be more expensive there. The easy solution is to just let the kid buy his breakfast. Surely they won’t let him buy more than one or extra junk food. Second, everyone points out that he’s not a child anymore, but they don’t take that to the logical conclusion: at 15, why should the parent be making the dietary choices? Yes, it’s your money, and you can specify how much he can have, but I see no reason for it not to be up to him what food he spends it on. These two give you a nice out. You’re going to have to spend at least what the school spends on breakfast. So, you don’t provide any extra food (including treats that he won’t be able to get otherwise) unless he stops charging. If, somehow, the school is stupid enough to not just give the standard (fairly healthy) breakfast and lunch but also give out the horrible snacks, then I’ll agree the school is stupid. Their goal is supposed to be to keep kids from going hungry, not providing them with junk. Oh, and my high school had just set up this system when I got there. You could maybe charge once or twice, and they might let you charge for a tea ($0.25). But no junk and no extras. And just the fact that you made it take longer in line was enough motivation to make you not abuse it. (The hungry kids behind you really don’t like to wait.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-son-be-allowed-to-charge-up-food-at-school-to-any-amount-he-wants/555543.md?page=8)