# Should my wife report this guy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137 "2011-11-16T17:08:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/21 "2011-11-16T20:23:19Z")
My response is pretty much exactly what **SnakesCatLady** just posted. your wife should try to convince Grandma to make the call as soon as possible, and should do it herself if Grandma won’t. The closer the caller was to the event, the more credible the report will be. A call from someone who has witnessed the cousin and the girl spending long hours in the locked room will be much more credible than someone who heard from someone who heard from someone who witnessed it. My thoughts and prayers are with your wife and her family, especially the little girl. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/22 "2011-11-16T20:35:29Z")
> [@Busy\_Scissors](#): > > lol at this bollox - step away from the pitchforks son, clear heads required. Nittany Lions fan, I presume? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/23 "2011-11-16T20:41:23Z")
You and your wife should go pick up the girl and take her to the ER. Make Grandma come along. There will almost certainly be a police officer available int he ER to listen while you talk to the admissions nurse. Get a rape kit, and don’t take “no” for an answer. Proof is necessary. Without it, you have alerted him and he could take her out of state before the authorities can act. God speed, I hope you’ll be able to save her. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/24 "2011-11-16T20:41:40Z")
Report it. Tell them what you know - don’t say that he IS molesting her, tell them what you know. Give them granny’s contact info so they can follow up directly with her if they want to. Tell her what you did and encourage her to cooperate. Who knows, they might raid this evening. Again, there is no proof, but this is suspicious. Reporting is the right thing. Let them investigate. If it turns out that it was a false alarm, you can know that you did the right thing, and that now you KNOW that nothing bad is happening, and maybe improve family transparency. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/25 "2011-11-16T21:05:15Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Nittany Lions fan, I presume? What a grotesque sentiment. Nothing shows moral superiority over somebody like glib accusations of supporting pederasty, eh? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/26 "2011-11-16T21:08:44Z")
> [@typoink](#): > > What a grotesque sentiment. Nothing shows moral superiority over somebody like glib accusations of supporting pederasty, eh? Nobody said anything about supporting pederasty. It’s a comment on the “put down the pitchforks” statement. People need to report things like this. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/27 "2011-11-16T21:28:50Z")
If for some reason a call is not made immediately, grandma might be more prone to calling PD the next time he locks themselves in the room. tell her not to inform him she is doing so, let PD in as quietly as possible, let PD knock on the door and demand access, since its grandmas house she can most likely permit them to break in the door without warning if she is so inclined. This also makes it so there is less chance of ‘grandma is (exaggerating/doesent understand what she saw/lying/drunk/smokes crack)’ defense. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/28 "2011-11-16T21:29:05Z")
Where’s the wife in all this. Pedophile’s wife, not **Incubus** ’s wife. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/29 "2011-11-16T21:29:27Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Nobody said anything about supporting pederasty. It’s a comment on the “put down the pitchforks” statement. People need to report things like this. Think he’s from the UK though, which argues against any particular interest in PSU’s athletic program. Also: Report! ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/30 "2011-11-16T22:30:12Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > Where’s the wife in all this. > > Pedophile’s wife, not **Incubus** ’s wife. Perv’s wife works a lot. Perv is apparently a perpetually-unemployed couch potato who has mooched from his wife for years. Wife wanted children but I guess they had fertility issues because after many years of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant they decided to adopt. In a way, my wife’s line of work is a significant source of cynicism; she knows how the system works and the limitations of reporting someone who knows someone who might be molesting their daughter to CPS. I don’t know why grandma didn’t report it; I guess its the classic self-doubt “I’m not certain whats going on and dont want to jump to conclusions about this”. Or she’s really naive and doesn’t connect the dots (she is unaware of perv’s past skeevy behavior because my wife and her immediate family aren’t super close with that side of their family and seldom talk to each other). ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/31 "2011-11-16T22:42:05Z")
So report the creep already!!! ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/32 "2011-11-16T22:55:03Z")
I agree with the consensus that this needs to be looked into. The only things I’m wondering about are 1) whether CPS has the legal right to pry into people’s lives based on this type of vague report, and 2) whether they are likely to find the abuse if it exists. Still, certainly worth a shot, at any rate. ETA: my understanding is that step/adopted daughters (or daughters of girlfriends) are among the most common victims of abuse. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/33 "2011-11-16T22:56:52Z")
How old is the girl? ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/34 "2011-11-16T23:00:46Z")
How is this even a question? What the fuck else could be happening? Report him immediately! ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/35 "2011-11-16T23:00:53Z")
Another vote for REPORT, right now, right away. Please. You are not crazy, if the situation is just as you’ve posted, then fuck family drama or backlash. That is 100% secondary to the very real possibility that this child is being abused.The behaviour you describe is neither innocent nor normal. Grown men do not, ever, spend a single minute of time locked in bedrooms with young girls. If grandma is being truthful, then there is utterly no question that this needs to be stopped, now. NOW. Quit dithering about and do it. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/36 "2011-11-16T23:11:03Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I agree with the consensus that this needs to be looked into. > > The only things I’m wondering about are 1) whether CPS has the legal right to pry into people’s lives based on this type of vague report, and 2) whether they are likely to find the abuse if it exists. They have every right to come by and ask a few questions, but my .02 is police. They will be far more likely to respond quickly, once there, if they think anything fishy is going on, they call in to dispatch and CPS will be on it fast if PD is already standing by and requesting them. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2011, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/37 "2011-11-16T23:13:21Z")
Call the POLICE NOW!!! The girl is getting RAPED!!! ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/38 "2011-11-17T00:46:41Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Perv’s wife works a lot. Perv is apparently a perpetually-unemployed couch potato who has mooched from his wife for years. Wife wanted children but I guess they had fertility issues because after many years of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant they decided to adopt. > > In a way, my wife’s line of work is a significant source of cynicism; she knows how the system works and the limitations of reporting someone who knows someone who might be molesting their daughter to CPS. I don’t know why grandma didn’t report it; I guess its the classic self-doubt “I’m not certain whats going on and dont want to jump to conclusions about this”. Or she’s really naive and doesn’t connect the dots (she is unaware of perv’s past skeevy behavior because my wife and her immediate family aren’t super close with that side of their family and seldom talk to each other). WTF. Get off the goddamn computer and call already! ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/39 "2011-11-17T02:14:47Z")
Incubus–I’m of the opinion that we are ALL mandated reporters. Please listen to what people are telling you. Good luck and be tough. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2011, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/40 "2011-11-17T03:08:04Z")
I think that his past history of acting creepy towards your wife and her sister is relevant information to relay when telling the authorities about his current very suspicious behavior. This definitely is something that I would report and I hope you guys have already done so by the time you read this post. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137.md?page=3)